I've known this guy (we'll call him P) online for a while, and for most of that time, I've known of his little crush on me. Recently, P and I have been talking a lot more than usual, using IM and texts, as opposed to our usual social networking site, where we used to do most of our talking sporadically. My feelings for him have made me feel really guilty about all of this talking with him that I've been doing.
I've started to feel as if I need to hide his existence from my boyfriend (who doesn't know anything about P, not even that he exists). Not only do I feel like I'm now hiding something from my boyfriend, but I've begun to eagerly await P's texts, and have been hoping that I'll catch him online whenever I'm on. Our conversations even got a little sexual at one point, which I honestly hope never happens again. We talked about our sexual pasts a little, and we both admitted that, if the situation was different (if I wasn't very much taken, and there wasn't the distance between us, etc.), we wouldn't mind ...having sex (for lack of a euphemism).
I hate how I feel about P (eager to talk to him, maybe even crushing on him?! Ugh). Even worse, I hate how we talked about things of a sexual nature. That feels wrong to me. Those two things make me feel like I'm cheating on my boyfriend. Do you think I'm cheating on my boyfriend (emotionally, of course)? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? What should I do? The guilt is killing me.
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you feel guilty for a reason. have you feel if your boyfriend was chatting up some girl and talking sexual with her and admitted that he wasn't with you and she lived closer, he would fuck her? i'm sure that would hurt your feelings.
the fact that you hide it from your boyfriend, just shows that it's growing more than just a little crush on someone you know online.
xo
Sorry dear, you are most likely emotionally cheating. When you need to ask, the answer is yes.
If you really feel guilty enough and want to stay with boyfriend enough, you will distance yourself from P. Or, take more time than usual with your boyfriend. Make yourself see what a wonderful catch you have in your hands (if indeed he is wonderful). But if you decide to continue this, and not tell the boyfriend, I eagerly await the post where you say that you left your boyfriend because "the two of you were just not close anymore."
This has happened to me. I would not wish it on anyone. Remember, fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
Remind him you gave a boyfriend and you shouldn't really be talking about having sex with with other then keep your distance for now until this crush dies out
Take it from me--I was in a similar situation, but didn't keep my feelings in check and ended up leaving my gf at the time for this "other girl".
Bad, bad idea. You'll end up with a looot of suffering. Do what you can now and respectfully sever ties with him. It's easier said than done, believe me, but you'll be happier in the end.
Besides, if you feel guilty, there's no reason to ask us. Obviously you're doing something wrong. If you feel a need to hide it from your boyfriend, especially. The best thing at this point would be to come clean (making sure to include that you're severing ties with this person for good) and hope he forgives you. Things will be rough eventually, but if the relationship was meant to be he will forgive you eventually and you guys will be stronger because of it.
Just know that if you keep going down this road and do nothing, you've got no one to blame but yourself for what happens.
- John
.....STOP!
hehe....been there....felt the same....just cut it....its the best...if you're "That much taken"
then the guilt will go away
Emotional cheating, I have been in a similer situation only I knew the other guy in real life, he was my best friend. I ended my relationship, not because of the other guy but because "we" didn't work as a couple. In hindsight a lot of us not working had to do with me not wanting it to. I was so attached to the other guy that I was putting no effort into my relationship, I ignored a Good man because I thought I saw better.
Incidently months and months after I ended my original relationship I had a fling with the "Better" guy, he fucked me around and then started dating my best friend. Don't take your boyfriend for granted.
Emotional cheating hurts a lot more than just a one-time physical cheating. =(
you feel guilty for a reason. now if you weren't dating your man seriously and it is an open relationship than flirt all you want!!
I'm going to play devil's advocate here... but if you actually believe that P is a better man.. then why not go for him? :-p
Basically, I'm trying to say the opposite of what IrresistibleInsomnia said "leave the Good man if you see Better."
There's a reason why you feel guilty.
If you like P, then you're going to have to break up with your current boyfriend because you are definitely "emotionally" cheating on him.
if you want to stay with your boyfriend... then well, you're going to have to cut it off with P and hope the crush subsides.
I think youre emotionally cheating. Delete his name off your bl and block him if you wanna stay with your bf...if not...leave you bf. Do the right thing
if you see something better, why not go for it...unless it's different states.
There is no such thing as emotional cheating. The best possible definition of that made-up, unscientific term would be something like this:
becoming emotionally involved with someone, not your bf/gf/significant, to the point where that emotional involvement bothers you and makes you feel guilty or that you want to break up your main relationship.
This state only applies while you're IN your main relationship. Note that my definition seems to precisely describe your situation. Now, do you cut off relations with P? Probably not. Do you set limits on it? Probably. Do you tell your bf about it? Probably not (imagine how messy that would be; if you don't understand what you want from P, he sure won't). Do you break up? Probably not. How far away is P? Is anything guaranteed?
Messy situation. I think the best is to set limits on your chitchat with P, and to start checking out how committed you are to the bf. Maybe you're not that committed; maybe this is easier than you think. It'll require some self-knowledge, and that's hard to get but always worth it. Good luck.
you sound like a hoe. lol
quit it, girly.
if you feel like something's wrong, you stop it. if you realise your feelings have stopped for your bf, you end it. you don't keep torturing yourself with that stuff. just stop talking to Pee in the Pool, you'll just get heartbroken.
i don't really care what you have to do to stop talking to P. for all i know, you could tell him you have a bf and boost his ego. you could get into a fight with him and call him names. you could politely say that your life is too busy and you'll be taking a break. it doesn't matter as long as you end it if you're feeling guilty dead over this.
Cheating or not if you feel bad about it then you should stop.
I've done something like this a few times and it only caused more trouble. unless you want to be with this other person than the guy you're with then there's no point in continuing. You clearly know you shouldn't be doing something so why keep doing it?
yes. i've been in such a situation before. i found that if the distance between us stayed insurmountably large, then nothing would happen of it and i would eventually lose my attraction to the second guy. you should stop talking to him asap if you want to stay with your boyfriend.
If you need to ask this question, that's quite enough to constitute cheating. You feel guilty about it. What else is there to say about it?
if you need to ask, then you are
yeah i think thats cheating. or at least, emotionally.but have u seen his pic before? have u met him? guys can be such sweet talkers sometimes and we girls tend to be attracted to all the sweet talking and stuff.i remember i used to hav an online friend and we kinda cyber sexed a little.but after meeting him, ugghh i regret it.it was funny coz we even declared ourselves as online couple. hahahahahaahahaaha...but anyway, i met my current bf online and we took the chance of meeting each other and it was the best step i've ever taken in my life.
I would stop talking to him. ASAP. If you just block him and it's all good.
It would be different if your boyfriend knew about him. My boyfriend knows I talk to people online, even about sex. He knows how I am. But he knows that I do not like them in anyway other than entertainment.
If you feel like you're getting feelings for him, then I'd stop talking to him. It's a waste of an actual relationship.
I wouldn't call it cheating but it's definitely a red flag. Just be grateful you're not married; at least it is up to you to decide what to do about this. Do not carry on two relationships at once though. Look at the situation: is there anything lacking in your relationship with your boyfriend, to make you wish you were with someone else? Is your attraction to the other guy emotional/deep, or just physical/sexual? Why would you be feeling this way? Above all, it's not good to be hiding stuff. Make yourself mention the existence of this other friend to your guy, even if not the details of what you've talked about. You are starting to live a double life; that's no fun and never ends well.
By the way, have you even met this guy in person? Often - usually - it's a lot different from the fantasies of the people on either end, when you do meet. It works for some people, but statistically you'd have to kiss a lot of frogs to get a prince like that. If you don't want anything to happen to your current relationship, then work on the parts of it that are lacking and are making you want to seek comfort or passion elsewhere.
yet another reason i don't trust women...
To be frank........what the HELL is "emotional cheating"? I don't get the concept. What if a guy loves watching Laker games more than hanging with his girl? Isn't that in a way emotional cheating? Or what if a girl only dates a guy for his money, but is "faithful" to him (or at least his money)......is that emotional cheating?
As far as I'm concerned....you aren't cheating. Then again, what you're doing is definitely dangerous and totally destructive to your current relationship. Plus, I've known a few people in your situation and very often it leads to actual cheating (well, at least that would answer your question definitively at that point). Obviously the distance is the only thing that has kept you from cheating. You don't have to "cheat" in order to be a crappy gf and a crappy person.
Any relationship is hard work. Just make a decision to break contact with that other dude.......or simply break up with your bf and keep talking to that other guy. It's as simple as that. Don't be a crappy person.