Miss Walrus
In high school, I was a part of what I guess I would call a fairly exclusive clique. I had about three friends at all times, completely by choice. Therefore, my friends' opinions about everything - from my style of clothing to the kind of music we blasted when we driving in my Ford Focus - meant A LOT to me.
Even though this was in high school, I think this "bad" habit has followed me through college & now (almost) into my post-graduate life. I still like my boyfriends to "groove" with my social group - and if one of my close friends isn't feeling him, I find myself questioning my own feelings about him. Sometimes this is justified, but other times I have to calmly remind myself that although my friends obviously want the best for me - they don't always know what that is.
How much do your friends' opinions of your lover matter? If a close, lifelong friend didn't like your current SO, would you let it damage the relationship?
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Comments (37)
i would want to hear all the reasons and think them over closely. my best friend is not shallow, nor does she often dislike someone; if she did, i would believe it to be looking out for my best interest. basically if i really thought that she had good grounds for not trusting him, i WOULD most likely reconsider the relationship.
but that hasnt been a problem with current bf, as weve all been good friends for a number of years.
It depends on the situation. I think it's important that your SO "grooves" with your social group, at least to a point where you can hang out with all of them and have it be fun. Sometimes friends can see things in a person that you can't because you like them so you're looking at them through a different angle. If they are really close friends, their opinion matters. I don't think that it should end a relationship because a friend doesn't like your SO but I'd probably take some of their opinions into consideration to try and see what they see and they should do the same for you.
My friends are so opposite from me and make weird decisions for themselves, I just leave my decisions to myself. Sometimes i ask my grandparent's about long term life altering advice, but other than that I've always felt like I know what is best for me at the time and if someone doesn't like it, then they just don't know me. If I call you friend, you know me, you trust I can make for myself. I don't mind an opinion because I sure give mine, but no one particularly has a problem with how I run things in my own life.
My best friends know how to tell me straightup if someone's messing with me, and they're always right. If they had a problem with my boyfriend, I would talk it out with them, ask for reasons, and really look into it. Chances are that they would be right.
Nope.
I choose my significant other...if I'm planning my life to be with someone..it's my choice. Close friends or not....my SO will come before them. When trying to build a relationship with an SO, the foundation begins with them being priority (of course this goes both ways). Otherwise the relationship will crumble or you will find yourself extremely unhappy.
Your friends can't live your life for you. Make your own choices and stop worrying about what "friends" think.
It doesn't matter to me at all. In fact, my best friend doesn't like my current boyfriend, but I know that he's good for me. I only came to comment on this to say that those of us that drive Ford Focuses are the best!
It would probably mean something if my friends didnt like my boyfriend. but i wouldnt let it affect me unless it was something really bad. but i guess it depends on the friend. one of my friends never likes my boyfriends and think its just because he wants the best for me with a guy that is PERFECT. when in reality no one is perfect.
It would probably mean something if my friends didnt like my boyfriend. but i wouldnt let it affect me unless it was something really bad. but i guess it depends on the friend. one of my friends never likes my boyfriends and think its just because he wants the best for me with a guy that is PERFECT. when in reality no one is perfect.
My last boyfriend was a total jerk to me during our relationship. Then he broke up with me and I'm still not sure why. My four best friends all told me he wasn't boyfriend material and either to dump him or just be careful. I didn't listen and ended up extremely heartbroken. From now on, before I get serious with a guy, he has to meet my friends. They know everything about me, and they don't have the butterflies, stary eyes thing for him so they can see right past all the sweet words and tell me if he's right for me or not.
It's always tough when your friends don't approve and you find yourself torn between the SO and the friends. But it's also your decision to be with who you like, not who they like. It's just an added benefit if your friends like them too.
My close friends' opinions matter a lot. Their opinions count a lot because they're more likely to point out negative things that you either aren't looking for, or aren't willing to look for because you don't want to see anything negative in your SO. My close friends are just like me, and we get along with pretty much everyone. I honestly think that if my gf can't get along with my best friends they're not gonna last.
Most of my friends are women, so they are very "eh", they'll hate her when they don't think I'm getting what I deserve and love her whenever I seem (to them) happy.
Their opinions do matter quite a bit but in the end it's all me. So they're really more of an easy to anger "jury".
Not sure about the second question. One of my friends has only met one ex which I am still friends with, though due to personality issues, I'm sure the two of them would not do well in a room alone.
it means something, but not much.
well, i don't have many friends at all, but the few i did have hated my boyfriend. i chose him for some idiotic reason. but i got rid of him after a while, got my friends back, & got a new guy. i think they like him? even if they don't, i don't care THAT much. my one other closest friend (besides my boyfriend.) likes him, & that matters.
There are the two sayings "Bros before hos" and "Chicks before dicks". If your friends really want you to be happy, they'll accept the guy that you love. If he's a jerk, then their warnings might help. It's all in the guy. Unless of course you have a shitty friend who can't stand for you to be happy.
At the end, if my guy makes me happy, he wins. I'm all ear to my friends advices and suggestions but it don't mean I have to take it.
My friends and family's opinions matter greatly to me. Sometimes, we can all get blinded and not see that maybe we're doing something damaging, or whatever.
Example: A friend of mine's sibling is engaged. They have NO money and the fiancee is basically crazy and has treated my friend horribly in the past and even her fiancee. The fiancee is not very mature. My friend does not agree w/ the marriage (and neither does the rest of her family nor a lot of their friends), but they don't want to listen and will probably still be getting married in a couple months as planned.
Something like this, where I just can't see why it may not be a good idea...I'd definitely want them to speak up, tell me. I listen to their opinions because, as I said, may see something I can't b/c I'm "in love" or whatever.
However, how much I take into account their opinion depends on my relationship with all involved parties, how close we are, etc. Also, if EVERYONE does not like my SO, then well...we might have a problem! Example here, my ex. My friends HATED him. I dated him anyway...it didn't work out for a lot of the reasons they told me in the beginning it probably wouldn't. I lived and learned though.
For your second question, if it's a long-time, very trusted friend telling me these things, I would DEFINITELY listen to them and maybe let it affect my relationship b/c they know me better than probably anyone. But, again, it depends also on how well they know my SO.
Depends on the friend.
I have one specific friend who sees the world very similarly to the way I do, and she would tell me pretty much anything without too much sugar coating. While she doesn't have immediate veto power over my relationships, it'd be a major red flag if she didn't approve of something or someone in my love life.
Generally, whether or not I care what someone thinks about my love interest depends on how well our views on the world mesh and whether or not I know they have a bias toward the person.
depends on the friend. but generally, if they have a legit reason to dislike them because of something that i can't see while im lovesick about them, i'll listen.
I listen to my friend's bad advice, but if I think it's something that i can handle (or that it's false), then i wont think anything of it. so far, though, all my friends love my bf
I don't let my friends' opinions sway my decision. If a guy is right for me, I'll be able to tell soon enough, whereas my friends might be too influenced by social norms to be able to accept him.
Friends only see the outside of the relationship. The shell of it. Only you see and know what really goes on inside. In the end it's not about other people's approval. Sure that makes it easier, that makes it more manageable. However, at the end of the day, you are in the relationship with the person and not them..
I love my friends for looking out for me, I head their warnings.. I try to see it in a different perspective, but ultimately I'm the one who's sure that I'm in love with my SO. :)
For the most part, the more insecure you are in yourself, the more important your friends' opinions are to you.
Not to say they aren't important.....but they shouldn't dictate your own feelings towards that person.
For me it doesn't matter. I've known my best friend since we were in third grade and I just celebrated my 5 year anniversary with my boyfriend. My best friend and my boyfriend never really did get along, and within the last year some crap happened with our mutual friends that really made them hate each other. It was hard to deal with at first, finding the balance, and keeping them in separate compartments of my life, but we worked it out. The bottom line is that I knew how I felt about my boyfriend, and I knew I wanted to be with him, and nothing anyone said was going to change my mind. But that's just me, I've always been a rather decisive person and I usually know what I want.
Me and my friends are basically like sister, we don't want any of us to get hurt, i often put myself in their shoes if something bad happens to them, then i'd decided what to do or advice them.
One never knows anothers relationship and feeling, stick to what you see in ur bf, however do take their concerns into advice.
Don't jump into conclusions just based on what your gf's say's though. After all you are still you. xo