My boyfriend likes long hair. It's not a fetish certainly, he just thinks waist-length hair is hot. He would never demand that I grow my hair out that long, but he does occasionally plead with me to consider it. My musings of "I need a haircut" tend to be met with wails of despair that are only half feigned. I'm not so sure that I want my hair that long, so for now we've compromised on shoulder to mid-back length.
Despite the fact that I don't do anything to my hair aside from washing it and brushing it, and that it invariably ends up in a messy bun or ponytail, I still have some (admittedly irrational) hang ups about very long hair that I haven't gotten past.
One of my former best friends had very long, waist-length hair that was one of her defining physical characteristics. After our friendship ended in a very messy and hurtful break, I don't really want to be reminded of her. Further complicating things is the fact that she confessed to my boyfriend that she had romantic feelings for him, which makes me that much more resistant to imitating her appearance in any fashion.
Although my boyfriend never returned her feelings, they used to be very close friends.
I still can't help but feel a little uncomfortable when he finds long hair attractive because I associate it so closely with her - it makes me feel like he wants me to look like her. Of course, this is entirely ridiculous since long hair certainly isn't a trait exclusive to her, but I guess I'm just not over it yet.
I realize she's not actually an ex, but given that my boyfriend and I are each other's firsts, I guess she's the closest thing there is to one in this situation.
What would you do if your SO asked you to change something about your appearance that would make you look more similar to an ex?
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Comments (49)
yes, my ex once told me he likes long hair. I meet an ex of his whom hair was long, and he would get mad at me if I cut it short... I always felt it was because he wasnt over her...and he wanted me to be more like her and I couldn't do that.
I'm my boyfriend's first girlfriend... so not too much to worry about there.
He likes the super lengthy hair too though and bitches whenever I cut any amount off.
well...if its an actual ex, I say -NO WAY! and stop comparing me!
I would divorce him seriously, cuz if he could not accept me for me, then what would be the point?
women and their competitive natures.
just shush and grow your hair and stop comparing yourself to someone you don't talk to anymore. she's not the only person with long hair
Some guys are just really attracted to long hair girls. In some situations, it could mean that he secretly wants you to be like her but I would doubt that. Most common sense in this is that he's a long hair lover person and that's not something you can change. (exemple: girls who only go out with guys who have blue eyes or very tall guys)
This makes me sing usher's "u remind me"
Hmmm but if u feel like he's making u do that so u wud look like the ex, don't do it!!!! Plus seriously, that long of a hair is hard to maintain! Lol
If you don't want to and don't like to grow out your hair long for yourself, don't do it for another person because at the end, it's going to be you that will be taking care of your long hair.
And just because he likes or prefer you to have long hair, it don't necessarily mean that he wants you to grow it out because of her. You need to stop comparing yourself to her because it's really your problem.
Btw, no, none of my exes had asked me to do something to myself that would make me look similar to their ex. If they even try, they're out the door. It just tells me they ain't over their past flame.
If my SO wanted me to change to remind him of his ex, I would tell him to go back to her if he missed her that much.
@pasaway4eva@xanga - I dont think long hair is hard to maintain. When I had really short hair, I always had to fuss with it or I'd walk around with serious bedhead. Long hair DOES take longer to wash though, but I like my hair long so I deal with it. On days I dont feel like styling it, I just do a bun or ponytail.
Sorry, no can do.
LOL....I think you're thinking too much, especially when you said, "long hair isn't a trait exclusive to her." I doubt he's trying to make you look like anyone, he just particularly likes long hair. Plus, you guys did compromise on shoulder length to mid-back length (and in my opinion shoulder length is short). Sure he wails (half-feigning) when you mention a haircut, but I doubt he'd really jepordize the relationship just because you want a haircut. I think to him, having long hair is just the "cherry on top of the cake," but he still likes the cake w/o the cherry. He likes you for who you are, and I'd say his hair fetish is just a slight character flaw =P
P.S. I'm a girl and I personally like long hair as well, it's not all that hard to maintain (I only spend 5 minutes combing in the morning). If you don't like it down, then tie it up. No sweat to it!
you could always try out clip on extensions? they usually range from like $15-90, depending on the length and quality you want. you could experiment with them to shut him up, haha, but he needs to accept your appearance the way it is. long hair can get ugly, depending on the texture of your hair. do what you want, not him.
@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - long hair is very hard to maintain if it's me haha. i have very thick hair, so whenever my hair was long i would have to separate it in layers just to straighten it. (and it would take almost a half hour to do straighten) also, it seriously takes my hair almost 4 hours to dry completely. blow drying it just makes matters worse at times. but, it depends on your hair i suppose. :) some people just get lucky with their long hair, others not so much. :P
does he know you associate long hair with her? if he did he might be more considerate. he probably just thinks he's being harmless.
@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - lol i agree. i myself have long hair. dont really look good with short hair either haha but i was referring to the waist-length. never tried that long of a hair! and a friend of mine told me it was hard to maintain coz it takes a lot of time to wash it, etc. :)
Some men just like long hair. My boyfriend likes me to have long hair, which I cut every summer because it's too hot and it gets heavy and I'm too lazy to worry about what to do with it. He deals with it because I've explained to him why I dislike long hair in the summer.
Ask him why he wants you to have long hair. Explain to him why you don't want to. Maybe he'll accept it and be done with it. But if, you know, it really turns him on or something...wear a wig to bed one night and surprise him. hahaha.
my ex also had this hair thing also because he said that he usually likes girls with long hair, but when i met him, i didn't have long hair, i had just cut my hair to shoulder length and i even had bangs and he was ok with it. though when it grew out and i would always wanted to get a trim, he would tell me that he liked it like that. guys are weird, they have this thing for hair, but do what you like, not what someone else wants you to do.
I have hair to my waist (at least on the days when it doesn't curl as much!) and men seem to love it for some reason. But I keep it that long because I like it, not because they do. I think if I had a BF who wanted me to cut it, I wouldn't do it unless I felt like it was time for a change. People are allowed to have hairstyle preferences on their SO's, but the SO's are also allowed to wear their hair in a manner that they feel looks good and suits their personality.
I don't change my looks for anyone haha. Luckily my boyfriend doesn't care.
I kinda feel sorry for you. It would be annoying to have a guy asking you to change something. Having long hair would be more to deal with.
Do what you want with your hair. It should not be that big of a deal.
It is your hair and not his. He shouldn't care all that much. I think the compromise that you two made is a good one and he should be happy with that.
Do what makes you happy not what makes him happy. NEVER let a guy change you if you don't want to change, no matter how insignificant it seems. You're the one who has to deal with having long hair and taking care of it, not him!!
No, wtf... why would I try to make myself look like his ex? That's dumb and obviously screams out "He's not over her!!!!!!!" -____-
Besides, I already have long hair... and am no way going back to short. Lol.
I have had waist length and beyond hair. I found it easier to maintain than short. With short I was stuck using product and tools and stuck in front of the bathroom mirror just to make it look "cute." With long hair, I wash, condition and go. I let it dry naturally. Plus, there was always the option for braids and updos to get the hair out of the way when needed.
I'd get pissed if it was apparent that my SO wanted me to resemble an ex, but if it's not even implied and it's just your personal hunch, then why waste time worrying about it? Just do your thing.
I don't think he's trying to clone you to be like her. It's not like SHE set the trend for long hair. If you would like to try the long hair, do it for yourself and don't worry about looking like her or pleasing him by looking like her. It's YOUR hair! Do what you will with it.
If a boy so explicitly told me that he wanted me to change my hair, I would agree to give him total control of my hair, and I mean total control. I wouldn't ever wash or comb it myself or buy any hair care products and see how long he would last. Either it would teach him a valuable lesson, or I wouldn't ever have to fuss about my hair, and either way it could make a good sitcom episode plot.