Monday, 27 July 2009
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I Don't Want to Be a Bad Parent...
My girlfriend of about 3 years (off and on) and I just recently split. It's been extremely hard, and it's not hard in the way of me missing her, but in the way that we still hang out and act like nothing happened.But I know that as soon as she finds someone else, it will be goodbye, no more being friends. I just don't know what to do about the whole situation especially when there is a child involved with all of this...
Because I believe that the best way to get over something is to leave it alone and forget about it, which brings me to my thought of moving out of the state and living with my grandparents until I am back on my feet again. But she is trying to make me feel like a bad parent for leaving my son and moving when he is almost 2 years old.
Yes, I know he is still young and I should be there for him...but how can I be there for him when I only get to see him 2 days every other weekend?
I don't know anymore. What would you do in my position?
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About the Author
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- From: kryadon@xanga
- Name: john
- About Me: in about 4 weeks i will be 21 and i am just living life one day at a time trying to make as many friends as i can
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Comments (24)
My dad left me when I was 3. You're a parent. You have things to work out obviously, BUT your child needs you. I would have rather had my dad around and it can't be just about you. It has to be about your child too.
If there is a way you can still see your two year old ABOUT the same amount of time, even though you're out of state, then make it work.
A baby needs both of it's parents.
It's kind of shitty that the ex is making you feel bad for needing to work your own situation out, that's really immature of her and I condone you for wanting to get yourself back on your feet.
You'll know what you need to do; because in the end it's not up to the readers you get, but up to you and only you know you and whether or not you'd be able to work things out to see the baby or whether or not it'd be a bad idea to be out of the state.
like i said, if you can make the out of state situation work, that may be your best option.
And if it's easier to be there for your child once you're back on your feet, then so be it.
Just don't be one of those "dead beat dads"; make sure your baby grows up knowing it is wanted. that's the MOST important thing.
honestly i would have leave and take care of myself first; then go back to my child because
i would need to re-organize my life and situation without having other issues to worry about
Since the kid is still young, I'll move in with the grandparents and take 2-3 years to get myself established. By the time he's old enough to enter Kindergarten, I'm going to make sure I'll be back to take care of him - Homework, Sports, Guidance, etc.
Move. Try to get back on your life and settle down before you can take care of someone else. If you can only see him two days every other weekend, try to do that when you're out of state or visit him monthly.
Apparently, your ex is using "you're a bad parent" as an excuse so she can have someone to hang onto until someone better comes along for her.
It may be true that a child needs his/her father in the younger years, but if you feel like you need to get your life together, then do so, as long as you maintain some form of communication.
Go live with your grandparents. Get your life back together. In the end, it would be better for your child if he had a stable father.
If your ex continues to pester you and guilts you further, reassure her that you will still communicate with your son, be it phone calls or by webcam sessions.
If you're fucked up, you're going to raise fucked up kids. Get yourself sorted out so you don't screw up the kid. Also, if she wanted you to be a better parent, maybe she should have let you see your kid more often.
Don't be absent from the child's life. If you have to move away, make sure to visit your son as often as possible. You decided to have a child, so it's your responsibility to be there for him.
What a tough situation! I feel for you...
On one hand it's great you wanna get back on your feet because you definitely need to take care of you before you take care of your child but at the same time you have a world of options. Any way you can look into state programs or anything else that would help you financially before moving into your grandparents? The economy sucks right now and it'd be tough but being a mother I understand that my son needs both his parents.
If my husband and I were to be separated, I would do anything and everything to be close to my husband for the sake of our child, unless of course he's an abuser (which he's not).
Try to look at more options before you decide and don't listen to your ex. She's being immature.
If you have to move, then move. But see the child as often as possible. Children need both their parents, no matter the age.
No way. I can't believe all these ppl who are encouraging you to move. Yes, I think it's extremely important that you get yourself on your feet, get your life back on track, and get organized. BUT, you can do all of that without dropping out of your son's life, even if you don't get to see him as often as you like. You have a child, that responsibility will never go away. It's selfish to move to take care of yourself and leave your kid. Period. Figure your life out, but you don't have to abandon your child to do that.
Whatever you do, your child comes first. Find a way to make it work for you.
take care of YOU. if you can't take care of YOU, then you can't take care of a kid
I would say move, but make sure you help your child out. Visit your child as much as you can [as someone else said, monthly at least]. Get your child the things he needs. Help the mother pay for the things he needs.
Your child does need you. He is 2 years old right now. If you can make sure that you can still see him, then you can move.
My parents never married; my dad moved away when I was about five or six, maybe younger. He still made sure to see me when he could, though, and it was definitely a good thing, seeing as my relationship with my stepdad and mother wasn't too great as I got older. Bottom line is, I would definitely keep in touch with your child and remain as accessible to him/her as possible. He needs you. If it's possible to stay where you are, get your own life together, and still get over your ex, I would recommend that.
Get yourself back together first, and then take care of your child. Obviously, you can't handle the responsibility of a child right now because of your financial situation and all, so get organized and then go back.
children come first. no matter how hard it is make sure you see him enough. at his age he might be upset for like 3 days then not even notice. during that time get yourself together and go help take care of him. your ex seems like a bitch no offence though. you both should be making the child happy and not fighting and acting nasty to each others.
@lovepeacecalm@xanga - AMEN!
Kids come first. Get your life back together, take care of yourself, do what you need to do...WITHOUT abandoning your son. Seeing him 2 days every other weekend is infinitely better than never seeing him at all. Your son needs his father, and it would be selfish and irresponsible of you to put your needs before his. Your responsibility to your child does not go away because you're having a difficult time.
Not to say that I don't feel for you...but kids always come first.
maybe you could just get away for awhile, but not completely move in with your grandparents.
xo
you shouldnt have kids if all you wanna do is run out on your son. thats stupid youre even considering it. children come first no matter what. theres no such thing as a part time dad. duh.
If you both truly want to move on with your lives, you gotta start anew. Whether it's moving to another state, another zip code, or whatever. Try to keep the contact with the baby momma as few as possible. But always be cordial because you had your son with her.
Don't do it - ur son needs you, now more than ever. You don't want him to grow up and realize you weren't there.
your child comes first. he needs you.
you can't abandon your son to fix your boo boo's. thats not fair to him at all. it doesn't matter how young he is, he still needs a father figure. kids learn the most at their younger ages.
You cant be a good parent if you cant provide for them and your head isnt in the right place. You need to make sure your that your stable. And are able to provide for them the correct way. As long as you always stay apart of their life in some form your still a parent. Yes its nice to have both parents in the picture and both parents together. But thats not always going to happen. Especially in this day and age. Some many families are divorced but yet they still manage to see their children. Get your head on straight and become a better person...and then be a better parent!