Monday, 27 July 2009
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Am I Being Too Paranoid?
I've been dating this guy for a little over a year, and I love him more than anything. I know he loves me too, but since we don't see each other very often - due to work schedules, distance, & other stupid things - it gets hard to know what's real & what's not. Ever since we started "talking", for lack of a better term, I discovered he had one of those crazy ex-girlfriends who is always trying to ruin his relationships...so of course she was right there to find out what was going on between us. I tried being nice at first, about telling her what happened between us was none of her business.. But this girl's ego makes it kinda hard to communicate with her rationally. She thinks she's the hottest thing on the planet, when she's really not that attractive. I'm not saying she's ugly, she can be cute.. But her personality just makes you want to smack her in the face and tell her to get a grip.
Getting back to the story.. This girl always talks to me for like, a week at a time, then disappears for a few months. But no matter what, she ALWAYS comes back. It gets hard to deal with, because once you have someone telling you all the time that your boyfriend is cheating on you and that he doesn't really love you, but he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by breaking up with you...it gets to you.
I've always been the type to have trust issues and my self-esteem has never been that great either. It's unfortunately very easy for this girl to get under my skin, because she knows exactly what to say to get to me...and I hate it. I hate getting so paranoid every time she sends me a text that says "hey, you know your boyfriend's at my house, right?" I've gotten to the point where I don't even know what to believe anymore. I've talked to him about it, and of course he's used to her doing this, seeing as how she's done it with the past 3 girls he tried dating before me... But I just don't know what to do.
I really just need some help right now, & my friends aren't always the best at giving advice.. Their opinion is too biased. So, what do you think? Am I being too paranoid? What would you do?
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- From: samimarie08@xanga
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Comments (51)
ditch them both ASAP
Oh man! I had one like that.. My ex broke up with me last summer because he went away to work at a camp and there was this girl there that he ended up dumping me for. She wasn't prettier than me or nicer, just a slut. Anyway, we didn't talk for another six months, his choice, but the time we did was after one of my friends told me that his girlfriend told him I harassed her over aim. I didn't even have aim and hadn't used it since 7th grade but she apparently knew my middle name and made one up for me sending herself mean messages and showing them to him! When we started hanging out again as just friends she did it again and told him I called her cell, she looked up my number(home) in the phone book. Girls can just be psycho and you shouldn't worry about it but i understand how it can make you nervous.
@pansybradshaw@xanga - I agree. As awful as it may sound, it's probably best to cut them both out of your life.
Erh, ignore her and never ever reply to her messages or speak to hear or IM or anything. She's a liar and a bitch - there is no reason why you should be in contact with her. Do not believe a word she says and do your utmost to not listen to her about anything.
Oh yeah, and tell him he should tell her to stay away from him because she's clearly unstable.
Damn... some girls are really crazy... O.O
Anyway, I don't think she'll ever leave you alone, so the only thing you can do is ignore her or talk to your boyfriend about it... and tell him to tell her to stay away from you. Also, just make sure that the things she's been saying aren't true, cuz you never really know if she's telling the truth and your boyfriend is just passing it off as her being crazy and a liar.
get your boyfriend to man up and do the dirty work for you
If he's not smart enough to stay far, far away from her, and she won't shut the hell up, then there probably isn't a whole lot you can do by yourself. I might have to go with @pansybradshaw@xanga on this one.
One question, is your boyfriend hanging out with that ex? If he is, I got two words for you, "move on". If he's not, here's what I have to say about your situation. If it was me, I'm not going let someone play mind games with me. I'll make sure I keep my head straight and give that person an overdose of her own medicine. If you soft-hearted and can't take a battle, ignore her messages and forget about her completely. If you let her get herself in the middle of your relationship, she won. She accomplished what she has set out to do - making you and your bf miserable.
Why exactly is he hanging out with her anyway?
I'm not the jealous type, but if I was in a situation that bad, I'd tell him it's her or me.
stop being nice about it.
Is he truly spending time with her? If so, what is up with that?! Situations like these make the worst come out in me and I'm rooting for battle. However, the mature thing to do is to ignore her and straighten out the situation with your boyfriend. If he's spending time with her that either has to stop or you have to move on.
So, this exact same thing happened to me; I now what you're going through. It weighs on you emotionally and hurts so bad to have to deal with. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend; his ex had a lot to do with it. But, you have to trust your gut. You know your BF and if you have weird feelings anything the EX is saying then act on it.
@C0ll33Ncorps@xanga - You took the words right out of my mouth....err, fingers. ^_^
It sounds like she's crazy and she has a habit of going at extreme lengths (probably lying) to make his girlfriends uncomfortable, but I think you're also at fault here for trusting someone you know who is unstable over a guy who you've presented no other evidence as showing as untrustworthy. I think you should do what I did when my self-esteem was that bad and seek professional help.
ask your boyfriend if he's still seeing her... if so then there is no way you should involve yourself in such a webby relationship... if not then close your doors to her... she's harassing you...
If she's gonna attach to his every relationship, they might both equal out to be poison =/
If he really cared about how you felt, he'd do everything he could to keep her away and make sure she doesn't get to you.
As for the paranoia, I get that way too often and it's hard to get rid of.
I also have distance as a factor and it's so much easier to fall victim to the paranoia.
I guess it's a matter of how well you know your boyfriend and how well you trust him.
But by your explanation, it doesn't sound like I'd be too trusting of the situation.
Either way, good luck, no one deserves to be left out in the dark.
<3
I dealt with a psycho bitch ex exactly like this. So I know the pain. I said to myself her drama and the guy weren't worth it in the end. I wasn't even wanting to go out with him because he was also leaving for the military.
Unfortunately my psycho bitch is still stuck on me even though all this happened like 3 years ago...she still stalks me if I go to this one place.
She also acts like she's hot shit, but in her case...she's not cute at all no matter how much make-up she tries to put on. And I agree about the attitude that makes her even uglier.
I seriously want to smack that psycho to the ground, but she isn't even worth my time.
Haha, she thinks by getting rid of the girls in her "true love's" relationships after her, that means he would come back to her right?
I never understand these girls. Why they wait around like a sad doormat. He's now in a relationship with someone else and he never had the intentions of going back to her. All her drama is for nothing.
That girl is psycchoooo to the max.
It was a laugh when she asked me if I liked her ex when I first met her trying to be the "best friend" type just looking out for him and she said she didn't like him, lmfao.
Then I found nasty notes about me on her facebook when she added me as her friend.
And I'm thinking...riiiiighht....you don't like your ex anymore, hah, that's a laugh psycho bitch.
I would ignore everything she says the best you can and maybe she will stop trying. Because right now all she's doing is trying to push you to break up with your boyfriend so she can be with him. If you don't react to her and ignore her completely then she will be bothered by it and maybe give up on it. Also, if your boyfriend is still talking to her and hanging out with her maybe you should ask him to stop. If he doesn't want to or has excuses for why he can't then maybe you should reconsider being in a relationship with him. As hard as it may seem, you shouldn't have to be part of this love triangle and all the drama it brings.
but if your boyfriend wants nothing to do with her and is annoyed with her as you are then you have nothing to worry about. she's the one who is having trouble letting go. and if both of you keep on ignoring her, she should get the picture. I wouldn't give her what she wants and break up with him if this is the case. then she would have won.
One more thing I forgot to add...like if you break up with him that doesn't necessarily mean he will go back out with her exclusively so I don't know why these psychos even bother trying so hard.
If she had done this to his past three girlfriends, apparently, you're her next victim.
Do you trust your boyfriend? Is he really hanging out with her? Have you spoke to him about this? Is he going to do anything about it?
The way I see it, it's not your problem to deal with it. It's his. He need to man up and kick his crazy ex to the curve for good.
If not, you might just want to reevaluate your relationship with him and see if you can really be with a man who can't stand up to his ex. Or on another note, you can just stick up for yourself, ignore her, trust your boyfriend, and go on with your life as if she never existed. Just ignore all her calls, texts, IMs, etc. Do what you gotta do to keep you sane.
Yes, you're being paranoid. You know she does it to everyone, yet you're still afraid. She's lying and you know it. Don't let it get to you. But he should also do something about it rather than saying, "Yep, that's her." That kind of behavior is unacceptable on her part. If any of my exes (all of whom I'm still friends with) did that to a girl I was dating, I would tell them to end all communication with my girlfriend or they would be cut out of my life.
don't give her the satisfaction of reacting. she's a liar, if he knows it and all the world does too, why are you letting it get to you?
and why is he still talking to someone who has the history of being full of shit? why is he making YOU deal with all this crap?if he can't cut the drama out of his life, you shouldn't have to put up with it. if ignoring her doesn't work because he can't be "mean" to her in talking about her behavior, then maybe you should find a way to cut the drama out one way or another.
Pretty simple - get her out of your life ASAP. Block her from your phone, email, IM, Facebook and whatever other avenues of connection you two have. Tell your guy that although you've tried to be friendly and personable with her, you've had enough and you're done with it.
If I were you, I would also ask him to stop being in contact with her as well if he is at all serious about your relationship. While he has the right to be friends with whomever he wishes, if he cares about your feelings on the subject and about his relationship with you, he needs to know what you find acceptable and unacceptable so that he can take his stand on one side or the other.
this happened to me in my last relationship. i just don't understand ex girlfriends and why they don't just go away. but just ignore her, she has nothing over you and he's with you, not her. if you let her get to you, you'll be more miserable.