Sunday, 26 July 2009
-
Can We Save Our Relationship?
I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. Of course the years haven't been perfect, due to arguing and problems. But what couple doesn't experience that? They have been the best years of my life.We're both 17 and we started dating when we were 14. Recently he has been saying things to me like "We can't be together forever" which was worrying me. It was always me who used to say those things and he would get upset. He doesn't live in such a fantasy world anymore.
Today he confronted me and told me that he was bored of our relationship, the fact that we don't do anything exciting anymore because, well, we can't think of anything else to do to keep our relationship alive. This came to a surprise to me because I love spending time with him, we don't need to do any soppy things anymore because I love his company and the conversations and jokes we share.
Nevertheless, he told me that we should leave each other for a couple of days and we should do some deep thinking about our relationship. Since this came to a total shock to me I don't know what to think about, what to do.
I know that we have been together for a long long time, especially since we're so young. Should we be apart? Or should we work something out? If so what? I feel so helpless. I really want to keep my relationship with him. I love him, he's the closest friend I have.
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: Pink_TeaCups@xanga
- About Me: Idk. Maybe it's a british thing.
-
True
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 4 Views: 0 6890 Comments: 0 94 View all posts by Pink_TeaCups@xanga
Comments (26)
It seems like if your boyfriend says he's bored of the relationship, he's either bored of you or wants the more "exciting" single life. Sorry to be blunt.
I've been in a relationship for about three years, and our bond has only strengthened after time. We still laugh just as much, if not more, we're more affectionate, and more mature. We've grown up together and still managed to keep the silly parts of us that keep our relationship solid.
I think you should talk to him about what exactly is boring him. If it's anything that would imply that it's you...then your relationship is probably dead. Another possibility is that you were more spontaneous in the earlier parts of your relationship. My SO and I never did anything exciting outside because we were always trying to keep our relationship a secret from our parents, so our relationship was limited to talking to each other when we got the time. Now that we're in college, we can spend tons of time together doing whatever spontaneous things we want, but we never really needed that anyways, so we're content just being in each other's company.
You know the saying "if you love something, let it go and if it comes back keep it"
I'm not much for colloquial sayings and such but if he thinks he needs time to see what life without you is like, let him. I can't guarantee he'll come back, but in the case that he decides to fly the coop, at least you won't be led along and will already be cut loose of him.
I'm not saying it's easy either. It's the hardest thing you'll ever have to do.
From the guy's perspective, maybe he'll start to miss the things he doesn't think about, like the time together and just being with you. I can tell you from experience that I've started thinking about that alot lately and I miss my ex-SO.
I broke up with her for a similar reason, citing distance, boredom, we never talked anymore, and that I felt unappreciated to some degree at the time.
And now I'm starting to realize and understand what she was telling me. We'd been together for so long that we didn't need to say anything anymore and sometimes our company was enough and comforting.
I can't say he'll come back, but if he is making the same decision I did I can tell you he may be re-thinking it some time soon.
Good luck and be strong.
Well seeing as you're so young, and he's bored there might not be any saving you can do.
You will just have to see, but you cannot force things to work.
Good luck!
I completely understand what your going through...
Im in basically the same situation, except I live about 45 mins away from my boyfriend, when I used to live across the street [a 5 minute walk]. So its a big deal to him and me, but more so him. And sometimes he's worried that it wont work out, or he's bored or this or that...It just kind of scares me because he dosen't seem sure sometimes.
Idk about the whole not talking or seeing each other for awhile because me and my bf usually get over our fights or just come to a conculsion afrer all the fighting [which is completely unhealthy and draining]. Im 18 and he's 19 so were pretty young and have been together for 3 years and yeah. I think when your young you want everything to last forever and will try anything to save what you have. But I think after all the fights have ended and you start seeing clear about the whole situation, you realize that it just isnt right to fight and the relationship is just not worth the stress and worry. Im rambling....
But, good luck to you! I hope everything work's out. :)
<3.
He seems bored with you. I don't think you could do anything to actually help that...
I don't think he's necessarily bored of you, but maybe just...routine, or the things you guys do together. I don't know, I don't know the situation, but know that a lot of couples go through things like this. Sometimes one or both people just need a bit more independence. I wish you luck- I know things are probably really tough right now, but things will work for the best no matter what happens.
try going on a trip together, if it doesnt spark things up, then I'd say let him figure this out. He cant miss you if he isnt away. I say during your break days, let him know what its really like without you, dont call, or messege... and as for yourself, chill out with your friends and keep your mind off it. If he really loves you, itll work, if not...he might be bored, or might have someone else in mind.
Hey guys. I'm slightly annoyed because I submitted this a while ago I had no idea that it would take this long to be published.
Games over now, we broke up. Thank you for all your advice though, it means alot that you actually read my post.
Sorry to waste your time guys.
<3
Such a long commitment at your age is quite rare. It's unsurprising that he might be feeling a little antsy and drifty. If during your pondering reprieve, he decides that he wants the single life, I'm not sure what there is you can do to help it. Just hope he will be willing to stay with you, and if so, then you can try to refresh your relationship.
well, you're still so young right? If he's bored now, whats keeping him from not changing his perpective in the long run if you wanted it not to end? Sure it can temperarly be fixed, but permenatly?
It just sounds like he wants a shot at the single life while he's still young.. @Pink_TeaCups@xanga - DARN, i read that AFTER i type all that
@Pink_TeaCups@xanga - I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out, but best of luck to you in your future!
Like people have been saying, you're still young. Isn't there some song about the first time's the sweetest? Don't regret him, because he's been your best friend SO FAR. Someone will come along, sooner or later, and blow you away by how wonderful he is, someone who won't just say "I'm bored" when things are getting rocky, as they sometimes do in relationships. Good luck, keep looking, and stay happy!
just take a break and see how you feel after a while
Breaks are hard, I was TOTALLY in the exact same situation. EXACT. Except, my boyfriend was 16 when we started dating, but I was 14. He didn't try to take a break from me, but I suggested it. We did end up getting back together, but we're not together anymore, and now I'm 17, and he's 19. I know that you feel really attatched to him, but you should take the break, and see how you feel, if you both really love each other like you say, then it should work out. You know.
@Pink_TeaCups@xanga - I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out.
xo
I was in the same situation basically. My boyfriend told me that he needed some time apart and to think about things. I was devastated because I thought things were going fine. The next night though, he called me crying and said he didn't know what he was thinking and had one of the worst days of his life. I accepted his apology and we've been together since: Almost 3 years. And it's never been better. Hopefully he will see what he's lost in your time apart and come back with a full apology.
right now, he just needs some time alone. and well it might do you some good too to take those time to really think
Dude, you're young, go out an experience life. He says he's bored, so let him be for a few days and see how he feels then. But for now, live your life. Hes trying to do it, so dont let that stop you from living yours. Maybe he will figure out that he needs you and he made a mistake, or he might go the complete opposite. Sorry, but thats life for you. But if it comes down to it, dont let that stop you from living. I know thats devastating, but there are other guys out there if he's not the one for you.
Just my two cents, but this sounds like both of you depend on eachother too much.. if he's your closest friend AND boyfriend and you've been with him since 14.. it's just too much for one guy. Unless he's definitely "the one", which means things have to be going great for the *both* of you, then I think it's time to let him go and discover what life is like single.
"Saving" your relationship is basically just prolonging your break up.
You know what you have to do, move on. You guys are just 17 for god's sake, don't make a 90210 episode out of it.
- Kunoichi
Two and a half years is such an investment of time and love and money. Just carelessly throwing it away would be a waste, if there is no other reason than a stale relationship.
There are so many ways to spice it up. Maybe each of you could take turns planning a surprise date doing something you`ve never done before. And you don`t have to spend money. The best things are life are priceless.
On the other hand, make sure there isn`t an underlying issue that he hasn`t spoken to you about. Maybe the "boring" excuse could be a coverup.
Is he your friend? I mean do you love him because he's your friend or your boyfriend?
I've been in the same situation. Had been dating my ex for about 7 years when we broke it off. We were living together, but at some point we were not talking anymore like we used to. We stayed at home, cooking dinner, hanging out and it was fun. But it wasn't magical anymore. So we broke it off.
Since you're so young, it seems like it's the end of the world. But if he feels like that, there's nothing you can do about it (that's what I think). You can talk about it, see if there are things you can do to spice up your relationship (read cosmopolitan.com or glamour.com for tips), but it doesn't always have to be about sex. If both of you decide that after you've TRIED (!) you still don't feel different, than it's probably that you need to spend some time apart. It's hard, I know, but eventually, you'll get through it
You're 17. He's 17. After reading your first paragraph, the declaration of your age surprised me, buts its probably a HUGE clue as to why your BF wants to take a break and see what happens.
The growing you two are about to experience is insane. From 17 to 20-something so much happens and changes; There's so much to do and so much to learn. Neither of you are going to stay the same.
He's probably asking himself if he is willing to venture the next several years as single guy or not. Can you survive all that's about to change together anyway? And what if you do? The nexts steps to such a relationship are very serious.
Love, in the long run, is full of a lot of mundane moments. The sparks come and go. Both partners have to be willing to roll with that. If one expects more or less than the other, problems arise. You have to be totally comitted to deal with any such problems and in it for the long haul. Otherwise, there's no point.
Aside from that, you're 17, which I know you know. I only know one person married to their highschool sweetheart. Your BF is actually doing something very reasonable: Asking for the both of you to re-evaulate your relationship and determine where its headed.
But I think 17 is too young to even worry about a relationship rut...
Sometimes people really take things for granted and won't realize that they truly cherish something until they've lost it. Of course, I believe if you love someone, then you would wish them happiness even if he isn't with you. If you refuse his request, then it might just ruin everything you guys ever had. Maybe you should give him some space and if it's meant to be, then he will return.
Your last line "I love him, he's the closest friend I have, " makes me believe that you're being too dependent on him now, that he's your whole life. I have a friend who can't stay away from her SO b/c when she does she gets stressed and can't "function" correctly (sorry for the lack of a better term). Anyways, you're only 17, so don't decide on your life course just yet, things will change in a few years.
whats weird is that when me and my boyfriend were dating for two and a half years the same thing happened. He said he was getting bored of us and i was so surprised. He wanted to take a break but I didnt want to. We didn't. We stayed together and we are still together and very happy and now we are closer to each other than ever. Our love has gotten stronger and we have realized that hes the only one for me and im the only one for him. I cant say things will work out for you, but dont give up on him unless he really doesnt wanna be with u anymore
Sorry to hear this. At least he's honest. You two can start doing new things together, do things you've never done before. Ask him questions you've never asked him before and discuss it.