Saturday, 25 July 2009
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Dating the "Wrong" Guy
I've been in a relationship with this guy, Ted, for almost a month now. Our relationship is extremely rocky; filled with lots of ups and downs. We have a lot of little fights over the dumbest things, but I'm thinking that it happens way too often. It just so happens that tonight, we had another one of those silly little arguments. It occurred over AIM and neither of us knew what to say so we were basically silent for an hour and a half.Me, being paranoid and distressed, I messaged my best friend, Kaylyn. I always turn to her when I have problems because she's the only person I completely trust with all my heart. Plus, she plans to major in psychology in college and I probably give her tons of practice. Kaylyn listened intently to me telling her about the situation and concluded that this is positively NOT my fault. In fact, if anything, Ted should have been the one apologizing to me. Kaylyn also went on to inform me that Ted isn't right for me. She's thought this all along but never told me about it because I seemed so happy. She didn't want to ruin anything for me. Ted's the popular "bad boy" type. And me? Well, I'm the girl whose life revolves around shooting for straight A's and reading as a hobby.
Next, Kaylyn mentioned the fact that the boy I had a thing with before Ted, Brad, was "absolutely perfect for me." Brad and I were never officially a couple because of his "fear of commitment". But, we were most certainly both very special to each other. It took two months for him to let go of me, and even longer for me to let go of him! When I first told Kaylyn about Ted, one of the first questions she asked me was if I was moving on to him in a desperate attempt to make my feelings for Brad go away. Although I said no, today is the day I realized I've been in denial all this time.
So here's the deal. I'm in a relationship with a guy that I truly care about. But apparently he's "wrong" for me and I can somehow agree. I'll also confess that I did not fall for Ted as hard as I did for Brad. So what do I do now? Stay in the relationship and hope that we can prove Kaylyn (and myself) wrong? Or do I break it off because it's completely morally wrong to be with someone while you're in denial about your feelings for someone else?
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About the Author
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- From: miserablyinlove@xanga
- About Me: I'm Ashley. I'm a dork who reads for a hobby and enjoys writing more than anything. I like photography and making new friends is always great. :D
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Comments (29)
I mean, really, do what you want. It's your relationship, not Kaylyn's. You could break it off though, if you're sure you agree with your friend.
Stop dating Ted...he sounds like a douche.
If you're thinking of staying in it to prove your friend wrong, that's just a bad idea. It doesn't sound like you're all too crazy about Ted, so, from what you've said, I'd say end it.
Well the fact that your relationship is "Rocky" within a month is enough to say it doesn't sound right.
Talk it out with Ted, see where he stands in the relationship. If you think he's worth it after the talk, great. If not, just let it go, it's better for the both of you.
@MangoWOW@xanga - i agree :]
I mean can you be with Brad anyway? It's all up to you hun, and how you feel. If you want to be in a relationship with Ted, but if you feel he's wrong and so does your bestfriend then you know it's gonna end eventually.
is this the best friend you fell for that you talked about on your regular xanga site?
@steph - I agree.
WOW, this was my issue, and my exes. My ex, "Bob", lol, and I had this same issue. His other person being "Jane" and mine "Sam", a bestfriend figure of mine. These are horrible pseudo-names.
Bob broke up with me, because he still liked Jane. And believe me, Bob.. was in no way the bad boy or anything. He did the right thing.
For me, it was a sad thing, because as I was with Bob, people told me that the guy I had liked for two years on and off (who liked me back on and off as well), Sam, was still way better for me than Bob. "I can still see you and Sam ending up together," my friends and family would say.
It wasn't fair, yknow, that this was happening. Not that I liked Sam while I was with Bob. But I'll admit that Bob and Sam sort of.. "competed" for me before I chose Bob.
I stayed in the relationship to prove people wrong and because of the fact that I really did genuinely care for Bob. I'll admit the first couple weeks of talking, I had to get Sam out of my head.
However, Bob broke up with me, because he was not sure about his feelings towards Jane, who has had a boyfriend for a couple years already.
I was right, and Bob was right. But it's all on you. Do you really see yourself with Ted in the future? Or do you have more doubts weighing it? Are you doubtful about your feelings for Ted? Can you still picture yourself with Brad?
Just don't waste your time. Trust me on this. Not saying I wasted my time with Bob, but it sure would have been easier if he and I just remained friends.
For you, I'd say break up with him. Hell, if you and Ted were meant to be together, then you guys will be together in the future. If you're meant to be, you're meant to be.
So, where does Brad fit in with ^^ that logic?
Break it off, if he's not right for you then why bother? Give yourself the chance to find the guy that is right for you.
Basically, do whatever feels right to you. Only you can make this decision for yourself.
my best advice is that if you're already feeling some negatives about the relationship now, it's not going to change in the future so you need to make a decision if you're going to stick it through with him or move on and find something that is more constant. good luck to whatever you choose.
If you've been feeling this for awhile, then yeah give it up. Nobody can change.
Although everyone has ulterior motives at times (or most of the time...), it's probably better at any point in time to listen to your friends who know better and might have your better interest in mind rather than some internet bloggers who don't know you from Adam...or...Eve
How long should I try? Until.
Good luck~
Sounds like you should leave him... it doesn't seem like you're 100% in the relationship, and you guys fight all of the time. It doesn't sound like there is enough fun.
I think that you should break it off with Ted.
lol. go watch Hana Yori Dango or Boys Before Flowers but create your own ending.
oh! i dont think you should be doing what you think your friend thinks is best for you.
its your life. =.=
If your not happy then get out of the relationship, I mean you cant always listen to your friends because u have to figure stuff out on your own so maybe you need to really think this through and figure out if its worth staying in the relationship or just ending it. dont just go by your friends words because thats not going to do much for you. Goodluck
I agree with MangoWOW@xanga - if it hasn't even been a month yet and your relationship is already "rocky", it's probably not worth staying in. If you don't like this guy that much, don't stay with him. Proving someone else wrong is a terrible reason to stay in a relationship.
I started dating my best friend (male) whilst in denial about my feelings for my ex. That relationship lasted five days as I realised on the third day how I truly felt. I think that you should end it. My head was with my best friend but my heart was with my ex. When I was with my best friend/ex-boyfriend I didn't think of the other ex, but when I was alone I did. It will also be best for Ted if you let him go, particularly because some of the problems within your relationship could stem from the fact that he is not Brad.
As for your best friend, she cannot know who is perfect for you and who isn't, so it's your call at the end of the day. Good luck!
@steph - I agree.
Fighting already? I think one months is fairly fast. Personally, I don't like arguing in an relationship and have problem with people arguing in a relationship. I believe that people should cool down and think it over before talking about the issues again.
If Ted is not for you, you should break it up right now because the longer you are attached to him, the more pain it will cause in the future. Plus, it wrong being in a relationship to waste each other time, you and Ted can be spending that time to look for someone else. As you said, you should break up with Ted because it is "completely morally wrong to be with someone while you're in denial about your feelings for someone else."
Don't just leave because your friend tells you to do so. Â Let's imagine your friend had told you to get married with Ted, would you have honestly listened? Â Do what your heart tells you to do. Â If Ted's the right one then give it some time. Â If your heart is where the other guy is then go for him.