Saturday, 25 July 2009
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Should You Experiment Before Settling Down?
The past 2 days I have been in Atlantic City, NJ with my two best girl friends. I met both of them during my time at college and the 3 of us are all very close to one another. Sheila is 19 and she has a rough dating background. Debbie is almost 21 and she is currently living with her "boyfriend". I say "boyfriend" because they're basically single, but living together. Both girls have a guy in their past that they are in love with and would do anything to be with. Also, both girls have had at least 5 sexual partners. Now on to me. I am 21 and just celebrated 4 years together with my boyfriend, Mitchell. We live together and he is my best friend, my boyfriend, my future husband... all of those things a girl wishes to find in a guy, he is for me. We waited 13 months before consummating our relationship and I don't regret it at all. On the other hand, Mitchell has been with 3 girls (including myself) and he is the only guy I've ever been with. We are very happy together and we both agree that we are lucky to have found each other so early in our lives.
Well, Sheila, Debbie, and I went out to eat one night while we were at the beach. At dinner, Sheila randomly brought up the topic of past partners. After talking a few minutes, Debbie asked me if I ever wonder what it would be like to be with someone else. I answered, "I do wonder, but I could never cheat on Mitchell. Plus, he completely satisfies me in every way." The conversation continued until both girls basically told me that I should experiment with at least one other guy before Mitchell and I get engaged and I'm "stuck". They also told me to keep it from him because it wouldn't hurt anything.
I am not the type of person to cheat on my boyfriend. He satisfies me sexually, mentally, emotionally, physically... everything. I am more than 100% happy with Mitchell and I don't plan on broadening my sexual horizon, so to speak, just to make my number higher. While I am curious about what it would be like to be with someone else, I would need to be comfortable enough with someone to get to that level of sharing myself with him. But at the same time, these 2 girls hurt my feelings. They made me feel like I'm doing something wrong because Mitchell is the only person I've been with.
What are your views on the situation? Has anyone ever made you feel like this? What did you do? And guys, does it matter how many people a girl has been with?
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- From: sjnjld0716
- Name: Stephanie
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Comments (86)
I personally don't think it matters. IT HELPS, but if it's special, they'll know better how to appreciate, give space, stay commited AND FAITH (in otherwords be mature- things they usually learn through other relationships) from other examples...
Sometimes people can have so much experience and still have no real luck (like me :P). But my cousin, that's married to her best friend, he only had two girlfriend total, I think. Her words are, "SHOOT! You don't need experience! Love is Love!" It's been three years, and they were dating five years before that.
Don't listen to them! If things are fine the way they are, why ruin it? I think you're lucky. Tell them they're just jealous
hehe.
Guys want to be a girl's first, but girls want to be a guy's last. To put it bluntly. There may be some guys who want to be a girl's first and vice versa but because us females are more in tune with our emotions than males, most of us intertwine sex with emotion, as it should be.
Anyway, what I think your friends believe is that the only way you can really know who you want to be with is if you were able to compare your partner with someone else. However, if you know 100% that you're completely satisfied with your current partner there's no need for comparing. You really are lucky to have found the right guy early on.
Hope this helps!
Currently, I'm in a relationship with my first love and we've dated for almost 1year and a half now, but we already talked about having a future together. We love each other and that's what matters to me. My mom and aunt believes that I'm still young (at almost 22 now) and my mom does think I lack dating experience, so I shouldn't make rash decisions. I do know I lack dating experiences and not entirely sure how am I able to know that he's Mr. Right (or my soulmate), but all I know is that I love him and at this point, I do want to have a future with him.
As long as you feel confident about your choice, then don't let your girl friends or anyone affect your decision. It's your life and no one else should tell you what to do. I think your girlfriends 1)can't put themselves in your shoes b/c they did have past relationships 2)are somewhat jealous of you b/c you can be with the person you love and 3)they do hope you are making a wise decision (especially, when they've experienced heartache before getting to a conclusion about who they really love). I hope you do make a choice based on how you feel and not from other's influence. I wish you best of luck!
I agree with an above commenter. "Love is love!" If you're happy and satisfied with what you have, you don't need anything else, which is probably a lesson your friends should figure out soon.
i was my girlfriend's first kiss and she sometimes wonders what it would be like to kiss other guys. she told me she only wants to kiss me and would never do it, but things like that scare me. i trust her 100%... but when she says stuff like that it just really gets me worried.
And this is coming from two of your friends whom one has a rough dating history and the other is living with her "boyfriend" at the time?
It's perfectly fine to wonder how it'll be like in a physical and sexual sense with someone but to actually do it when you're already with one who completes and satisfied you 100% coming from two bimbos who never experience that is a dumb idea.
You could listen to their advices and suggestions but you don't actually have to take it. Do what works for you.
Quit thinking what ifs and start looking at what is. If you want to spice up your relationship, you could pretend date each other again.
if you don't doubt the fact that your current relationship is with The One, don't do anything stupid to ruin it
as long as your happy dont jeopardize a perfectly harmonious relationship over something that is your own or someone elses' curiosity
I am with my first sexual partner still, and i can see myself being with them for a long time. and being bisexual i find myself in a situation where i might like to try a female x female relationship so i am not "stuck" as your friends said, but i also realize the relationship i am in is a once in a lifetime opportunity and i wouldnt do anything of the sort that could possibly jeopardize it.
I am in a similar situation right now, however my BF doesn't understand my wanting to "experiment", although for me its more of becoming independent off of him. I think if you know you are going to be together your whole life, than a little time apart will not kill you.
"Curiousity is what killed curious George"
In this context, are you willing to sacfrice what it is that you have, to satisfy your curiosity? I mean, that's what I don't get about you girls: You find average stuff, you try to find better, you find better stuff and you still try to find better. When does your craving stop?
Sure there are alot of fishes in the sea, but only one that you're willing to love and love you in-return.... So if you have something specail, with someone special, savoir that person and love that person as though you've never loved before... "don't turn your back on love, it might never come back again"
Well, just my two cents...
have a great day!!
Do not listen to them. They are saying that because they do not understand what you and your boyfriend have. When you have someone who you are completely in love with there is no need to try and experiment.
I would never EVER experiment. Curious? Uhmm... not really. Since your boyfriend satisfies you 100%, you don't need anyone else- I mean, why would you experiment if you already have the best, ya know? My boyfriend is my first
@xjadersx@xanga - Well said. :)
If you're happy with the way things are now, why ruin that?
@jeezshoua@xanga - I completely agree. :)
Wow, I don't agree with what your friends said at all. I don't necessarily think it's important to sleep around with other people before settling down. If you're "experimenting" with other people, you're putting yourself at risk for who knows what. I think if you're confident in your relationship & you are happy with your situation, then who really cares what other people think.
don't do anything stupid and cheat on him, but the way you describe him he sounds perfect for you and should be enough if he makes you that happy. you are really lucky to have already found this guy! don't let your friends bring you down, they should be jealous of YOUÂ
=]
If you're happy, why would you take advice from girls who appear to be losers at love?
That's stupid. If he satisfies you in every way and you KNOW it, then why even listen to them? If you cheat on him, you're going to regret it especially if you guys get married.
I guess it's completely different for me, because I am not going to have sex before marriage. Either way, I might be stuck with a sex god or a lousy one. I'll have to live with it, because I love the guy with all my heart and I'm not going to let something like that ruin our relationship.
I think you should keep the relationship the way it is. If you don't know what's out there, you won't miss it. Ignorance is bliss, ya know?
sorry for the cliches. hah.
It depends on the person. Some people find what they want early on, and settle down quickly. Others need to play the field first. Everybody's got to find their own way. There's no good reason why your friends should judge your choice, which really doesn't hurt them anyway.
If you love him, you shouldn't want to be with anyone else,ever. The guy I love broke up with me and we still live together,he liked another girl,and lots of guys hit on me...but I can't see anyone else. Everything feels so..right with him. He just has some things to straighten out in his life before he can think about making a big commitment with anyone right now.
And yes,your friends aren't very good friends if they're encouraging you to cheat on the guy you love. Tell them that they should support you,or you should spend a little less time together with them.IT makes no difference whether you've slept with 100 people,or 1. Sex is just sex until you find the one you love- then its making love. It is something so much more with the person you love.
experience with other men doesnt mean anything.it isnt going to help ur relationship with the man u love and if u do want to learn some things then watch some porno. you are gaining experience with the man you are with, just experience being in a real relationship and that is what matters. your friends gave u really bad advice. they are selfish for that. i cant believe they would suggest you jeopardize a great relationship just to be with another man, which unless u chose a guy who really knows how to fuck it wouldnt be worth it,trust me.
ur fine.
if you have already found what you are looking for why destroy it over simple curiosity.......there are million billion peoples out there....we can't know so many of 'em and compare!
Both your friend's doesn't have a real relationship thing in their lives! Why would you even think about relying on them. Think about yourself first........and please don't fall for others!