Miss Giraffe
In my freshman year of uni, I happened to become intimately acquainted with a boy who severely affected my attitude, personality, and self-esteem in a highly negative way. Even after purposely cutting ties from him in the beginning of sophomore year, he continued to haunt my periphery. As much as I detest him now, he was the inspiration to many of my own short stories, in a highly beneficial way, to say the least.
In one of my creative writing workshops, I was, of course, writing about that "relationship" (term used very loosely), and my professor stated: "It is difficult to be with artistic types because they're too ambitious...they tend to care more about their craft than you."
I find that I agree with her. If you can't nurture their talent, then you're in the way. What do you think? Do you find that to be true, in a sense?
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Comments (35)
False. I am an artist, but my art doesn't keep me from the important aspects of my life: family, friends, and my girlfriend. I mean, sure, we tend to be a little obsessive with our work, but then again, anyone caught up in the business world would be. You would hear alot of stories about women or men whose SOs neglect them because they are too often away at work.
Absolutely! I am a painter. And 99% of all my relationships have traveled down this road:
I love you! You inspire me.
Okay please leave me be with my work.
I'm irritated with you for not leaving me be.
I'm leaving you because you annoy me.
That's
a very short version of it...but essentially the same. Now, in
marriage, I've finally learned to separate the two passions. It also
helps that I've married a very understanding and tolerant man. My
'moments-of-complete-absorption-in-my-work' don't bother him, because
he chooses those times to focus on his own things. I don't profess to
have mastered anything. But yes, he'll tell anyone I'm difficult to be
with. We just work harder than we ever have before.
But then, if you like/love them, why wouldn't you nurture their talent?
Art is art, and I love it, but as with any other talent, skill, or hobby, it will always be secondary to the people who matter the most to me. It's definitely a case-by-case issue and can be a problem for anyone in any other profession with any other time-consuming, absorbing, immersive field - which could be just about anything!
As long as they don't get in my way, I am fine. My SO knows better than to pester me when I am writing.
It really is difficult but only if you let it be. I have only recently started to see that I should only be with someone who, himself, is an artist or someone that can tolerate the immense amount of time I spend on projects without being needy.
@LeMizzMizz@xanga - i have that same tendency...but im thinking it's not so much an obsession over our craft but our common characteristic of wanting to just having moments alone...and then being alone with our thoughts...the product of which is art. you're lucky to have found your man, though.
hm... yeah, I can see that being true for some people. it's kind of true for me too. I'm looking at what I can get out of a relationship.
plus, the guy that I have experienced the deepest emotional bond to... is the guy that helped me with/inspired my writing.
so I think your professor is right.
<3
@datchgym@xanga - you
put it better than me...it really was never a personal thing. Now
taking a look at the relationships of artists with artists....I think
that would be interesting.
'tis true i think. My boyfriend often wondered why Im not so involve, supportive, and excited about his work ( art, film, music) He often wonders why I dont ask much questions about his hobbies and Ive noticed that on myself as well. I just have other ways of showing support and I dont know the technical words to carry on a conversation about it...I guess I just dont want to sound stupid. I have this same problem. He's made small movie projects with others and yet Ive never really been part of it. He's made plenty of art yet I dont ask much about what inspired him. This is kinda sad
I can see how that could be true. I'd say that person in the picture would be awfully difficult--taking their piano to the beach and then setting it on fire?
Sounds pretty reasonable. My boyfriend plays guitar and you can find him ignoring the shit out of me for hours while he plays. I'm fine with that though hahaha.
I've never noticed a problem, but then my Fiance and I are both artistically oriented. There is an understanding: When he plays guitar, I can listen and critique or go about my own hobbies. When I write, he can offer insight, or relax and do his own thing.
I think it's a matter of what you want in life. If an artist fits the need, then it'll work. But in your case, a volatile relationship with one who was far too consumed with his own life definitely doesn't seem to be a good thing.
I was with someone who was in a band, and he LOVES music. But he made time for me, and he was not hurtful. We had our fights, like everyone else. I guess people just need to know how to balance.
Hm. I have to say it depends on the individual.
I once talked to an artist but he always made time for me and I even inspire him to write a song about us.
if your logic works for artists, should it not work for all other types of people too?
what about family-oriented people? or career-powered people? or pets-obsessed people? if you can't contribute to their family/careers/dog you're in the way and the relationship will be difficult to maintain? let's put it this way: it takes effort to be with someone, artistic or not.
I'm an artist. I've never favored my art over other people although I'm sure some do (and that's another issue entirely). If you understand that their art is going to take up a lot of their time from the beginning then I don't think you'll have a problem.
Well, he doesn't help me as much as I would like. I would like him to pose for me but he refuses. But he definitely doesn't hinder me. He gives me all the room and time I need to pursue my dreams.
i keep my art talents and personal life seperate as possible
thoe there is always over lap
True but not for the reasons you cite.
Speaking as an artist, and having suffered in relationships with artists, the problem with artists is that we are a melancholy lot. Which either leads to arguing or sulking. Artists often live in the ideal and though idealizing relationships can be a good thing, we often end up believing more our ideal than what actually exists in reality. Which leads to disappointment. And a disappointed or upset artist is, well, a weapon unto himself.
The only other negative thing I can think of is, if said artist bf writes a song (or paints a picture of sculpts a statue) about you, and you think it isn't as good as the one he wrote for his former gf, well, tempers are apt to fly.
That's so judgemental. It's not that artists are like that, it's that your ex was an asshole. I'm an artist too and I'm actually the one who encounters the jerks. I'm open to anything. Art is not predictable nor the artists themselves. They can't all be classified i nthe same category. It's like people in general, some people are good, some people are bad. Your ex was a douche and he just happened to be an artistic type.
I thought it was hard because they care more about the idea of love than letting it actually happen. Maybe I just dated the wrong artists.
@KikiLaStrange@xanga - I dated a musician for the better part of a year, and I always silently hoped his beautiful songs he wrote while we were together were about me. A few years later I saw an interview with him and he was talking about the song he wrote about the time we were together and how it made him feel so dirty, so wrong, so whorish. Haha, glad I found that out after the fact!
Depending on what kind of artist, I have a thing for musicians, but I doubt that I can actually settle down with one in the future if he only focuses on music and touring. Sure, dating him might be fun for awhile, but he has to be able to be in one place for a long period of time.
Pfffft, that's bullshit. Sure, there ARE people who are too busy with their thing (art, sports, self-image, whatever) to handle a relationship. BUT to simply say "artistic types are too busy with their project to handle relationships" is a stereotype like any other.
Just because you have an experience whieh reproduces the stereotype doesn't make it true, anymore than "Women can't do pullups" or "Asian people are good at math" is true.
Either that or they ruin the relationship for the sake of their craft, so that they have more inspiration. Heartache is a wonderful way to hash out new ideas and creations.
@LeMizzMizz@xanga - Ya know It's interesting I never thought about it. But yes me being an artist as well I'd have to agree. The three examples of how an artist would react or feel seem quite familiar to me.