I have been dating a man for a little over a year now. The committed relationship part began about 9 months ago, and it has been the most rewarding and healthy one I've ever experienced (not that I have a whole lot of experience).
I know how most relationships start out in romance and attraction until both sides get comfy, and then the real personalities come out. With so many aspects of the human mind, it seems there's no way to avoid a difference in beliefs or a clash in communication. But having known this person for three years, knowing him even better for one year, and knowing him intimately for 9 months, you would think we'd have at least one fight. Heck, I usually get sick of them by the 6th month!
There's only been one time where we both felt bad, but the issue was resolved within the hour it was brought up, and that was the end of it.
It seems as though we just generally appreciate each other and communicate so that nothing escalates to the point of a fight. Though I'm not complaining--by any means whatsoever--I wonder...how normal is this?
The question I suppose I'm trying to ask is, isn't it normal for people to have arguments in a relationship? And how often are fights considered 'normal?'
Is it, by any stretch of the imagination, unhealthy to never fight?
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Comments (28)
Well as long as neither of you are hiding feelings, and giving up too easily it sounds like it's pretty healthy.
Sounds like you two are okay.
i think it's a common misconception that there needs to be fights for a healthy relationship. sure, some may bicker and it's a good way to relieve stress and pent up feelings, but if there's nothing to fight about, then what? i've been with my boyfriend for over a year and we have never had a horrible fight. we bicker about petty little things that are resolved in minutes and while there have been a few times where there have been some real "fighting", those were resolved within the next few hours or at most the next day. as long as you both are being up front and completely honest with each other about everything and that you're both truly happy, then you're having a healthy relationsihp.
I think it's awesome.
Silly you... why would you wanna fight when there's nothing to fight about? :))
p.s. sometimes life is not always the party you expected to be but as long as both of you are together, just smile and be grateful.Â
It's healthy and normal to not have any fights in a relationship and it's also healthy and normal if you do have a few fights here and there in the relationship.
When there is nothing to fight about, life is good.
I think it's normal if you have no fights in your relationship. That's actually pretty good, lol. Less of a headache.
But, it's also normal if you have a few fights in a relationship. My boyfriend and I BARELY fight. We get along so well and barely have anything to argue about.
I'm not sure there's really a "normal" number. The first year of a relationship is a breeze.
I've never been in a relationship like that. I can't even imagine what it would be like.
And @T0m03@xanga - My first year was NOT a breeze by any stretch of the imagination. We fought our entire dating relationship, entire engagement, and had our first major fight as a married couple on day 4 of the honeymoon.
Every relationship is different, just as every person is different. It's silly to think that just because you don't fight you may not have a healthy relationship. Two people can also fight a lot, but still be right for each other. It just depends on the love.
Don't create a fight for the sake of having one. There will always be something you disagree upon, and the later the issue comes up, the luckier you are. If you are really adamant on having more fights, just think of it like this: everyday you don't fight is 1 day closer to the day you DO fight. Hope that soothes you, in an ironic way. Haha.
I was in a relationship for over a year and we only fought once, so don't worry about it.
@xjadersx@xanga - I agree! If you guys are being truthful to each other and no fights amount from it, then I'm in envy!
lol. i would be happy and content with life if my boyfriend i only fought once a month or few months.
xo
Sounds amazing. My boyfriend and I fight every few weeks.. though lately not as much, even though we've been spending a lot of time together. It's nice :)
My husband and I...we don't fight. We get exasperated, sure. We get annoyed. We even get angry. But if it's something worth being upset over, then we talk it out instead of letting it turn into a fight. And it works for us.
But some people bicker constantly and are fine, too. How much you fight isn't always an indication of the health of the relationship. If you feel secure in your relationship with him, then what you're doing is working for you. And I'd stop worrying about it. Personally, I think it sounds like you guys handle things very maturely.
-Katie
me and my girlfriend fight from time to time, maybe once month, but she gets annoyed with me for about 2 weeks out of the month. that's how long her pms lasts, and it's always during it. UGH
I think it can be unhealthy if you are both being too unwillingly compromising for each other. If you just do something to avoid getting in an argument, and just to keep the other happy, that's no healthy. However, I think you can have a perfectly healthy relationship without fighting. Maybe you're just that good for each other.
Its healthy as long as you are happy.
My SO and I never fight either, but that's because I'm passive as hell and keep my feelings inside. That, my friend, is unhealthy. As long as you aren't bottling up some crazy rage / feelings of unhappiness, consider it a great thing that you guys don't fight.
My..."manthing" and I are like that. We are off and on,I don't knwo if we're dating or not,currently,actually. But yeah, we pretty much NEVER fight,I was beginning to wonder if this was normal,myself. Glad to see it is a good thing! We occasionally "get into it", but its usually over a video game,or him procratinating on something until its too late, and I just want the best for him,so him procrastinating hurts him in the end. But arguing? egh. If we "argue" its over before 10 minutes has passed.
I'm gonna need more people's help when I get my blog rolling,so far I'vegot one post,my first chapter in my strange journey with this guy I love. It doesn't make much sense to me,and I'd like outside opinions.
It's normal if you have no fights at all and also normal if you have a few fights here and there. =]
i find it funny and disturbing that this entry is approaching the subject of being TOO happy in a relationship WITHOUT conflict. you fight too much, there's a problem you are obviously hiding from and you don't fight at all, you get paranoid. and the weirdest thing in all this is that I TOTALLY understand you. When things appear too good to be true, we get paranoid and start worrying about how "normal" the lack of conflict is... this is when ppl say that women crave drama (drama often comes from heightened state of emotion and irrational behavior) because we're questioning how "normal" it is NOT to argue with someone in a relationship after 6+ months!!
first off, don't try to define what is acceptable in the terms of "normal." Because "normal" is overrated and it is consistently confusing in what is and what isn't normal these days. secondly, if things are good and you guys don't argue, why is this a problem? just because there are other model couples who fight all the time (feeding on drama) and yours seem just 'good' without any speedbumps along the road, it doesn't mean you have to question it. conflicts will come; in many sizes and shapes, when it happens. whether it's over a stupid disagreement of cereal or how you make macaroni and cheese... or it's about whether you want to wear matching shirts or eat a McDs vs Burger king, when it happens, would it satisfy your perpetual but deep seated sense of paranoia? would you say "ahhh, now we're normal?" WHO GIVES A DAMN! You're happy, ENJOY it!!
*shakes head* we all think when things are so good, it's doomed if it doesn't have chipped edges or speedbumps along the road. maybe you're the exception. don't think "something BIG is going to break us up!" conflicts don't have to be an angry volcano... it just goes to show you that you have a healthy communication window between the two of you and you've learned to make compromises without having to argue about stupid shit. love it for that!
@whisperitloudly@xanga - That is so comforting. My boy and I argue alot, mostly because he doesn't do the little things, he just comes off insensitive. But lately we've been trying to work on it, but it's great to know you can still argue alot but make it last! :D
@harmonyminusmelody@xanga - Bahaha, I always bitch at my boy the week before and the week of, it's when our worst fights happen :/
wait, what constitutes a "fight"?
@AtLeastWereStillAlive@xanga - Hmmm. It probably shouldn't be comforting. I'm in the midst of a divorce. Lol. :)
I have a similar situation with my love, I never suspected our relationship to go anywhere, but we have been together for over 8 months having our once and a while small discussions but never and argument. I like to think its because our sense and need for communication match each other so well that we talk any problems we have out before they ever escalate to fights.
So im guessing you merely have a bad case of good communication :P