Friday, 24 July 2009
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Is There Another Woman?
I met this guy on vacation during July 4th weekend. We met at a lounge in the casino where he bought me drinks and we hit it off. The entire weekend, he wined and dined me and we eventually kissed. We had an amazing time and exchanged numbers.The first week, we texted each other all weekend; getting to know each other more. He is somewhat older than me, he is 35 and I am 26. We have a lot in common and he constantly tells me he wants to see me soon. The first weekend we were both busy. During the week, he works about 75 hours a week at a hectic government job, so I understand why I never see him Monday through Friday. Weekend number 2 he was with his family and Weekend number 3 he went with his brother for a brother weekend in Atlantic City.
I find it weird that it has almost been a month and we haven't been on another date. We still talk constantly and he insists this weekend, he will see me. This weekend is both of our birthdays and he says he wants to celebrate it together.
My best friend thinks he is probably married or there is another woman in the picture. Her philosophy is if he wanted to see you already, he would have by now. Him being missing in action during the week seems really shady, maybe he is with his wife or girlfriend.
I don't want to ask him straight up and sound like a jerk. Do you think he is stringing me along or am I freaking out over a guy I just met?
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Comments (35)
well even if there isnt another woman, it sounds like he is just not that interested and likes the attention he gets from you.
Eh, it's hard to say. If the man really is that busy then there is a possibility that he does like you and really just had prior plans, especially if you talk all the time. I would ask him if he's interested in furthering anything, since he has been so scarce. It would be better to get it out of the way than to try to wait it out and have it turn out negatively.
When my boyfriend and I started talking something similar happened, except we were going to hang out one weekend and he sent me a text saying that he and his brother were sick and were going home for the weekend. I took it as him just trying to blow me off because it was so out of the blue. I was kinda disappointed, so I decided I'd wait a week or so to contact him again, but as soon as he got back in town he called wanting to hang out.
i don't know, he could just be super busy with everything and he already had plans before you came into the picture.
xo
Maybe the man really was that busy. If you two commit to a relationship in the future though, do you think you'll be able to handle him gone all the time? I mean, he's always working or has plans every weekend. Are you sure you'll be okay with not seeing him constantly?
I say just wait around for this weekend. If you guys actually do celebrate together, and you're still interested in him, make plans for next weekend or whenever you're free.
It's a little too early to tell. I'd say that's a probable possibility. Check him out. Find his myspace/facebook if he has one. Usually those will be dead give-aways of something like that. Check out any info you can find on him. It sounds a little unlikely to work 70+ hours a week, but he may just have an unfortunate, demanding job. Proceed with caution. I would weigh whether or not my heart was into him or just the fact he treated me well... If it was the latter, I would most likely try to check into him and move on. That's my suggestion.
If you're from the same area, ask around and see what you can find out about him. That never hurts what doesn't need to be hurt. :)
Wish you the best,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
@sonieau@xanga - Agreed, I think.
What do you want out of this relationship? It seems you can't expect much out of it...I would be wary of it anyway.
You could just...ask. It's not being a jerk. It's wanting to set your mind at ease. That always seems to work best.
Stop being afraid of asking questions, and getting shit off your chest. Honestly the only way your going to find out what the hell is going on is by just coming str8 out and asking him. no beating around the bush simple as that. Nobody here can help you for the simple fact that we are not him and we cannot read his damn mind.
@BoStOnIaNMoMmY@xanga - Goddamn right!
i think you're thinking too much. you haven't even given him a chance to own up to his promise to meet up and celebrate your birthdays together. also, have you just assumed he's busy during the week or have you tried meeting up?
I won't wait any longer. It'll drive me crazy. I would ask him right away... Are you married? Currently, do you hv a Girlfriend? Are you seeing someone?
If he says No. Then my next query would be... Can I be your Girlfriend? Would you like to be my Bf then? What do you say?
Then wait for his reply again... :)
p.s. we should stop making our lives complicated.
just ask him. I'm sure he won't mind. But trust him until there is no reason to trust
He is 35, of course there is someone - woman, man, whoever. If you want to know, ask him. It's not like you are in high school.
for now, just roll with it. don't worry about that. besides, he's wayy too busy. i mean how can you evn turn it into a relationship?
Yes and he probably has aids.
TALK about it haha.
@Mcon@xanga - haha yeah that makes perfect sense right. lol
And I'm not sure, he could possibly have a girl already, but then again it seems like what he is doing would explain why you haven't had another date.
Government jobs are tough, and even though they don't get much done they spend a lot of time at it. So it is a reasonable explanation. Does he ever not text you back or talk to you? any certain times or anything? If it doesn't seem like he's hiding anything, then just believe him. Have him set a date for you guys when he's not busy and make sure he follows through with it. Trust him until he gives you a reason not to.
Hope everything goes well! :)
why don't you just ask him? what's so wrong about asking him?
Explore your options ;) Have fun with it while you can. When a man wants you badly you will know. This isn't game playing I'm talking about. I'm just saying..... you just know when you know -- or so I believe. Believe in love. Believe in the happiness and dreams you deserve ;)
Best Wishes.
If there's a wife, he will not be available most weekends (unless she goes out of town.) If that's the case he will never invite you to his place. Also, if you do get together, he will either look at who's calling and say "Oh it's work, I'm going to ignore it," or he'll excuse himself to take the call. Most men with wives do their communication with the other woman/women during the work week when it is easier to disguise their activity.
He seems to have legit reasons, give it a bit more time and see how it goes. If he still is hard to make plans with on the weekends then yeah something is up. As far as the week goes, really hard to say there because it's hard enough making time for dating when you work 40 hours a week so if he really is working almost twice that is he really going to be up for much during the week?
Well there will be a ring on his finger if he's got a wife obviously, and another girl is highly doubtful. Just freaking ask him and wait it out till you actually see him.
Now I can't say with absolute certainty that he HAS another woman, but at the same time are you ABSOLUTELY certain he DOES? Â You see I am in a similar scenario as him. Â I work Monday - Friday 9:00 am - 6:30 pm (my regular hours) but I normally arrive at work at 8:30 am and don't leave till 10:00 pm or 11:00 pm. Â Now assuming his hours are as hectic as mine, it would make perfect sense that he is only 'free' on the weekends. Â It is also because he is ONLY free on the weekends that he has to choose who to spend the time with wisely. Â He DOES have friends and a family right? Â Well he spent some time with them in the previous weekends and now it is your turn. Â Give him a chance and see what happens this weekend. Â I know what it's like to work long hours and not be able to see friends/family/whoever until the weekends. Â He is probably trying to balance but remember there is only one of him and so many of you guys (you, his friends, family etc.)
it will be interesting what you will write after this weekend. i hope you do an update