Friday, 24 July 2009

  • I Don't Miss Him, I Just Miss Having A Boyfriend

    For starters, I've been getting to know this guy (let's call him Gus) for a little while now. I've known him for years, but I've now been talking to him while he's sober and while he's not crying to me about his girlfriend.

    Gus and I first started reconnecting after we went to the beach together with some friends. After that, we texted a lot, talked on the phone a lot, talked on AIM a lot. He responds to pretty much everything I post on Facebook, and we make plans to go on more adventures together.

    So fast forward more than a month and it's gotten to the point that just today, I stayed up until 4 a.m. talking to him on the phone. And it gets worse. I woke up at noon, realized I didn't have any milk for my cereal, and planned to go grocery shopping. Really, it was all a good excuse so I could also stop by Rite Aid to buy him some ice cream (he's been whining for me to get him ice cream for the past week, lol). I drove to his house and we sat down, ate ice cream together, and talked/made fun of each other.

    I don't know what's up with me. I know I don't want a boyfriend. But I get the vibe that he likes me, and, in small, infinitesimal instances, I feel like I like him. To clear the air, I even asked him, "Hey, we're good friends right? Just good friends right?" and Gus responded, "Yeah... >__> What did you think we were? Hahaha."

    So I don't understand it. I feel like I simply miss having a boyfriend. Or I feel like I miss having a guy companion that will sit, listen, and talk to me. I guess I miss having a guy around to give me that care and attention, who will make me feel special or wanted. And Gus gives me all that.

    Though, I think, most of all, that I just like making Gus feel happy. I love making him smile and laugh, and I would gladly go out of my way to do so. And then I think I'm falling for the guy, but I don't know, I don't feel those stupid, cutesy, squirmy feelings about him.

    Am I the only one who's ever felt like this? (Please say no! :P)

    Have you ever had someone around that made you feel like you were in a relationship? Have you ever missed all the perks of being in a relationship, but not miss the person who made those perks possible?

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Comments (51)

  • givemecoke@xanga

    No you aren't alone.

    I feel like that sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes.

    I started talking to Juan* even though he is 2 years younger than me I feel like we could have that connection, but then again it could be that I just miss the feeling of having a boyfriend and all that goes with it.

    i.e the hugging and cuddling.. etc.
  • HiArianne@xanga

    You're not.  Believe me, when I read this, I was pretty surprised because.. it seems like I'm in the same thing, same circumstances (beachin' it up, more adventures).  I was also really WTF when I read givemecoke's response 'cause.. well that's the name of my ex, ahha.

    Truth is, I miss my ex-boyfriend, but as a friend.  I'm a girl who has a lot of guy friends because for some reason I cannot connect with girls on a sisterhood sort of level.

    My "Gus" in this case, is.. well, we both established that we're friends, that's it.  And the fact of the matter is, he and I have rarely hung out the past 3 years we've known each other, and we're creating those hang outs this summer as of recently.  I'll admit, for the past two point something years, we've liked each other on and off, and it could be easy to confuse our close friendship now, but what we have is, sad to say, seemingly close to rebounding as he and I have been screwed over a month ago.

    Rebounds = sad things, but true.

    It's just that.. human contact is essential and yeah, women are pretty much emotional creatures.  And we miss the contact.  It's not harmful, but just don't dig yourself a hole you can't get out of.
  • BoStOnIaNMoMmY@xanga

    I understand where u are coming from, Just dont make a mistake in trying to be more then just friends with him and ruin what u guys have all because u miss having a boyfriend.

  • confession_xxx@xanga

    I am going through the same thing noww lol.

    I've always been great friends with this guy (call him Sam lol) for years now, but since I broke up with my ex a while back Sam and I have been spending a lot more time together. Yeah I guess I really miss the things in a relationship.. and Sam seems to give me all of that ._.

  • DeaconZ
    The article has a good point, most people feel the same thing,in an instant interpretation we will say that we miss somebody but the real explanation is that we just miss somebody that takes good care and make us feel that we are being loved in the same way. But don’t worry, today we do have
    solutions for that, just like what Beaver Phillips contributed to the world of online dating with his book Copy, Paste, & Bang. The book is becoming a hit, so Beaver Phillips might never need payday loans again.

     
  • YouKnowIAlwaysForget@xanga

    Uggggh. Boys boys boys... Be friends!!!! Relationships lead to dark roads!!! hahaha Even if you THINK you have feelings for him.. keep it so you guys are friends. You'll have such a better relationship that way...

  • Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga

    "Dry wood, fierce fire"

    It doesn't always have to be this spontaneous spark that makes you crazy, head-over-heels in love. If you like his company and you want to make him happy, why not?

  • faeryteen@xanga

    I've been hanging out with one guy in particular a lot, but I never thought I would like him as more than a friend. He seems to like me, and it would be easy to just turn it into something more, to have more things of what a boyfriend would "provide," but I'm not into him and feel like it would be unfair. It's a little different of a situation than yours currently, but I've definitely been there. I actually had it turn into a 6 month relationship (that may continue further). It spurred from the thought of "why not?" but it turned into a good relationship. I may just have been lucky. :)
  • lil_co_lil_ny_ia04@xanga

    Well...i ***ked it up. I had a perfectly good freindship until my feelings set in and i told her flat out...The good thing is...well she did explain what i lacked in and then again she apologized for breaking my heart (which i find so damm confusing...just because???). Yeah...i miss being in a relationship (I had one like 6+ years ago). Knowing me...i want one but at the age that i am in now (early 20's)...forgetaboutit. Women around my age don't want to date and most of them want a much older person.


    Well what else can I say...having these feelings just suck.


    Oh well...
  • AtLeastWereStillAlive@xanga

    "Though, I think, most of all, that I just like making Gus feel happy. I love making him smile and laugh, and I would gladly go out of my way to do so. And then I think I'm falling for the guy, but I don't know, I don't feel those stupid, cutesy, squirmy feelings about him."



    You don't feel stupid squirmy feelings because it's real. I think you need to hold on to this guy. Those few sentences tell you everything you should know.
  • Mitsuye@xanga

    Girrrrl... I know exactly how you feel. I've been in some sort of relationship for the past nine years. I have been single for a couple months and I am not used to of NOT having a boyfriend. I don't miss any of my exes, but I do miss the companionship that comes with one.
  • cazziii_fire@xanga

    yeah. im feeling like that ..even though i have a boyfriend.
    just ask yourself if you can see yourself as his girlfriend, then you'll know if you're really into the guy. haha.
  • universalmindcontrol@xanga

    Actually, this is simply common in human beings in general. Whenever, you feel you've lost something (Especially something significant i.e. relationship w/someone, sentimental item) you tend to try to replace it with something that is similar or that reminds you of it.

    I felt the same a long while after I left my ex (She cheated on me, ironically compared to the cliche' that guys are often the culprits in relationships). It's something you can manage and something you'll eventually get over. With every each individual experience it's different though, some get over it in a day or a week and some it takes months or years.

    Te biggest thing is to have patience and not rush into anything pre-maturely, not only do you risk wasting your time, but getting others hurt in the process. Nobody wants to be a rebound.
  • coconut_dream@xanga

    I found the solution to your problem: find a male best friend. Hugging we do, but cuddling, no.
    Just because you don`t feel all those butterflies, or accelerated heartbeats, doesn`t mean you`re not falling for him. But it certainly makes things easier to define when those butterflies fly in.
    There are some guys out there who are just naturally extra flirty. They like the attention they get from the girls, but they aren`t the types to commit either. So just tread with caution.
    There is nothing wrong with being single. More often than not, the wait is totally worthwhile.

  • KasumiCelesta@xanga

    I have a lot of friends like that.

    I stopped caring. I think I can do without a boyfriend for quite a while as I try to shape my career after college.
  • HammersAndStrings@xanga

    I had something similar to that a few months ago, and it was just after i'd come out of a long relationship so i see now it was probably like a rebound thing. But you have to be careful not to lead the guy on if you don't actually want him as a boyfriend, guys get hurt just as easily as girls... i know now :/
  • dearFLOPPY@xanga

    definitely had this happen before, but when the guy started liking me back, i lost the feelings. you should be careful with him...he might just be using you.
  • atmaster@xanga

    the only difference between good friends and SO's is that you don't have sex. well, good friends can have sex too, but i'm speaking purely.
  • Passion_Star@xanga

    i've got a guy right now who is just my friend, though he often gets upset if i mention other guys. hes 5 hours away so its not like we can really have a relationship so i dunno. i think i do miss being in a relationship.

    no worries, its not just you, but if you like the guy, why not go for it?
  • omgbeeaaa@xanga

    This happened to me and it was terrible.  I ended up falling for his best friend (oops!).

    Don't rush things.  It's only been a month, right?  Wait another month and see what happens.  If the feelings are still there, they're probably there to stay.  So why not?
  • pinktiger335@xanga

    Yes, I definitely... mostly my college years.... :) You are definitely not alone in this one... I would say be careful because you can be hurt if you fall for him and he doesn't for you... I've been there and it's not fun. Take care!
  • The_Life_Of_A_Poet2@xanga

    @BoStOnIaNMoMmY@xanga - I second that opinion. You're definitely not alone- but yeah, don't make it something you don't want. It'll only hurt the friendship in the end! Good luck!
  • imhappyagain@xanga

    You're not the only one. I feel like I'm in the exact same situation. He just broke up with his girlfriend and I just happen to be there for him. He told me he didn't feel anything else for her and that they're just friends now, but he spent the last couple of days moping around when he found out his ex started going out again...meaning he does have feelings for her.

    In all fairness, we never do anything romantic; we only hang out. I think each of us have the feeling that we like each other from time to time, but we never say anything about it. Or it could just be me.

    It wouldn't be surprising if he said he was using me for my company, but as a friend, I guess I'll just stick around. I won't let it move any further than "just friends."
  • SupperMick@xanga

    Well, sorry to say. WIth the way you're acting, Gus is gonna want you sooo badly soon. If a girl went to get ice cream for me and brought it to my house, I would take that as a pretty big hint that she likes me.


    If you don't want a boyfriend, don't lead him on. But at the same time don't close out opportunities to be happy if they're available.

  • taaru@xanga

    @coconut_dream@xanga - I agree. 

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