I ran into an acquaintance of mine that I knew during my freshman year of college and decided to grab coffee with her and catch up. We chatted casually for a bit, discussing work, classes, future plans, overpriced Manhattan rent, and various topics of the sort. Eventually, as it always does, the conversation turned to dating and we began to update each other on our love lives. I told her about my current boyfriend and hinted that he was a bit older, roughly four years, laughing it off and saying that at least he wasn't old enough to be my father. Bad joke, apparently.
Expecting her to laugh along with me and make a a crack about the age difference, she then informed me that her "boyfriend" was twice her age, and only three years younger than her dear old dad. Now, before I automatically judged her on her curious choices, I had to wonder--what drove this girl to date someone twenty years her senior? Good question. She changed the subject, and we awkwardly finished our coffee and made not-so-genuine promises to meet up again soon. Now, a little over a week later, I'm still wondering how and why she ended up in a relationship that is not only deemed socially unacceptable, but also bewildering in the sense that it actually works. What are your thoughts on this issue? Would you date someone significantly older or younger than you?
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Comments (87)
I think for some people it's a question of maturity. It may sound sexist, but some men just aren't "grown up" at 30. Of course the same can be said for some women. There's also security with older lovers, they know what they want, how to get it and they've already established a base. Having someone who knows who they are and what they want out of life is reassuring, having someone who knows that if their nex paycheck falls through they're not screwed is reassuring.
A little grey never hurt anyone. Lol. I prefer older people. I can't relate to people my age and I need to ahev someone that I can talk seriously with. I've always been told I'm far older than my age.
my boyfriend is nine years older than me. it works for me. i wouldn't date older than him though. my rule was to date only four years older than me and that's it, but i fell for my friend. ha.
i don't get or understand dating much older men or women, if the girl/guy isn't getting money from the older SO. i have yet to come across a girl/guy who dates an older man or woman just because of the love they give and etc.
like at the moment, my boyfriend's dad is dating a girl four years younger than my boyfriend. and my boyfriend was wondering all all his dad's money goes, when he lives rent free, food free and doesn't have to pay a cent to my boyfriend (he lives with my boyfriend). all to his new lady friend. oh and she is from church and she tried to pick up on my boyfriend before. lol.
MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN.
xo
If I was 1, I'd date someone who's 2.
I've dated someone significantly older and younger than me. In my opinion age doesn't really matter when it comes to dating. Might be just me though.
I currently have a huge crush on someone twice my age. I don't think it's a big deal.
My oldest brother is twice my age and he's in his mid to late 30s. So no, I wouldn't. If you're the same age as him, I don't want you. It's odd enough to date someone that much older than you when you're a young woman and to have him be the same age as your brother that's almost old enough to be your dad? No dice. Now, when I turn his age, would I date someone half my age? No. I like guys that are either my age or older (but not too old). But other than that, I have no problem with dating older just,not twice my age.
I would date (and have dated) someone much older than me. Why let a number define you? If you manage to have a connection with someone, regardless of age, it should be treasured and explored. To hell with society.
i never date over a yr, and never younger O_o
then again - never say never. but .. no thanks!
I'm 20 and my husband is 46. He's the same age as my dad. Our age difference is bigger than my age alone!
And we get along fantastic. When I'm with him, I really can't see the age difference. So I don't have any qualms about the age difference. The only thing I didn't like is that I had a baby earlier than I would have liked, but I wanted my husband to be able to enjoy his child!
@FreakSaphhic@xanga - Agreed, fully.
"Socially acceptable" doesn't automatically translate to what will work for everyone. If she and her boyfriend are comfortable and have genuine feelings for each other, why should your opinion or anyone else's matter? Why should they feel they're doing something wrong for being in love? Chemistry and attraction can come in any form, and if that form is in someone your age or someone twice your age or half your age, the fact of the matter is that, that chemistry and attraction is there. The heart is a difficult thing to deny.
Age is just a number. If the both parties are mature and both can understand that their relationship won't always be as welcome as other closer-age relationships, and neither has an issue with the whole idea of the age gap, then there is no problem. My dad is 18 years older than my mom and they've been married for 20 years. Maybe they had to get past some judgment in the past, but where they are now, with each other, is a place of contentment as a couple with their family.
I've always been more attracted older guys and have had crushes on guys twice, and over twice my age, though they've never been "serious". I have never fallen for a guy my age or anyone within a three year range of my age, and never for anyone younger than me. For me, it really is the maturity thing that FreakSaphhic addressed.
Don't you hate that?
You make a joke to someone and it turns out you're making a joke about the person you're talking to.
That blows.
i think that is gross. the man can be very well your own father and/or grandfather. *gags*
@ViciousGrin63@xanga - I know right! Im like. . . oh uhhhhh yeeeeaaaa then i stair up at the sky to throw the person off XD
Dated someone 25yrs older than me. Lasted 2yrs. Broke up not cuz of the age difference but cuz he's a sports freak while I'm not. He's always wanting me to do sports with him. I jz couldn't deal with that. :))
Men have married women that were half their ages for many, many centuries. "Socially acceptable" is your understanding, it may be frowned upon but nobody challenges it as you'd think.
I've dated guys almost 10 yrs older. I've dated guys 2 yrs younger. Even now, I'd probably date an older guy than a younger guy. Emotional stability, maturity and ability to relate is a bigger deal than age, per se. Not to mention, although age is just a number, I'd be inclined to date older more comfortably than younger. But that's just me. Right now I'm dating someone who's only a year older than I am and this is a HUGE difference from my previous experience of dating someone 6 yrs older. (i'm 27 btw)
I'm currently dating someone nearly twice my age. It works out great! Age *really* is nothing more than a number, all that really matters is personal compatibility.
Age's just a number...
But I'd be a bit concerned if it was 10+ difference...
@soberheartss@xanga - oh good! i was wondering if anyone had any standards at all! :D
I just married couple months ago, I'm 27, he is 43. We met through mutual friends years ago and we ran into each other again and we started dating. He is not rich, we both working hard and looking for our dream house.
I've dated people younger than me, around the same age, couple years older..... When I met him, we had chemistry, we complete each other's sentences and we always think alike. We carry meaninful conversions, people come to us for advices. Good thing is, he looks more like a 35. We are both christian, and we believe that God put us together.
There are people judge us, and some stare at us once in a while, like we care.
Of course, some people are going for money, some going for pride.... but to us, Its all about chemistry
well i think it's because they like someone who's mature and already got their shit together.
Wellll, I have dated two guys at about 10 years difference from me... and the first one was when I was 18 and he was 28. They were both such goofballs and we had so much in common that the age didn't matter. I do think it's a bit awkward thinking about how much more they've experienced, but at the same time I kind of like that too...as long as they acknowledge I'm still going to be going through new experiences.
I really do think age is just a number... it only has power if you put power into it. Why miss out on a really good thing over something like age? As long as both parties have GOOD INTENTIONS (for example, not just out to get fresh meat), then what's wrong with that?
I'm 15 right now and I would only date someone who is my age or maybe two years older, but that's it. I wouldn't date anyone younger than me nor someone who is twice my age.
Always date down if your a guy, always date up if your a girl. It works, history shows that. Plus, everyone seems to like it. And though cougars are definitely an interesting pursuit, I would contend its a hunt most would prefer to never go on.
The biggest age difference I've been involved with was with a guy five years older than me. I've easily fallen for celebrities twice my age though, and wouldn't mind being in a relationship even if they weren't famous. Besides, "Twice my age" means the guy would be 40. When I'm 40, he'll be 60, and so on. Age seems to mean less when a couple gets older.
Dating someone half my age would mean he was 10 years old. No way am I going into that territory.
nah that's a little too old for me
5 years older is okay though