Insecurities.
Yeah, they're kind of taboo perhaps, but who doesn't have them? Oh, you don't? Well, you're a freak! Okay, just kidding, but you're lying none the less. EVERYONE has SOMETHING they're insecure about. Even my boyfriend, who comes across to me as a sort of superman who could do anything, has admitted to me before that he's one of the most insecure people you could ever meet.
Today, I was with my "superman" when I suddenly had a feeling of overwhelming insecurity. Being as in-tune with my feelings as he is, he immediately stopped what he was doing & asked "what's wrong?" But what was wrong? All I could manage to say was something along the lines of "I'm afraid I'm going to mess up & lose you."
What this tells me is 1) maybe he means more to me than I realized because I can't really recall ever being afraid of losing something; and 2) something
clicked that made me feel this way.
We'll start with number 1 in saying that no, we haven't been together for years, months & hardly even weeks, but I believe that sometimes people come into your life that you just have an unexplainable connection to...and Damian is just that kind of person for me. At first, we'd go out, it'd be fun, we'd talk a bit, but that'd be it. Now, even just a short time later, we're practically inseparable (when we're not working/busy) & we talk at every chance we can get. I can't imagine, now, what I would do without that bond with someone - a bond that I DEFINITELY don't have with anyone else.
But what
clicked, you may ask? Well, I sat there looking at him working on paperwork, a very normal activity, and thought to myself "
this boy makes me happy beyond belief & if I know anything, I know that I don't want to be without him."
Yes, I know this doesn't mean my relationship is guaranteed to last forever; Yes, I know my insecurities are STILL a problem; Yes, I know I over-think things - but what I learned from this is that my insecurities keep me grounded - as long as I don't let them get in between me and people/things that I care about.
So, as always, I have a question for you - what have you found to be your or your SO's insecurities? How have you kept them from getting in the way of your life or from getting in the way of your relationship?
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Comments (111)
Haha that's not the case or me at the moment. I am the worst actor in covering up my feelings. If I do something that reflects my emotions, it shows very very clearly. If I am upset, mad, doused in glee, it screams and tells the world. It gets in the way all the time. =( I need to learn how to control it.
An example would be yesterday -- I got angry and went on a Rage-Cleanup of my living room. That was productive and bad in a way, haha. Oops, well she wasn't there to witness it though. x__x
Something i clearly lack and probably need cause with out them you become rather arrogant and you tend to hurt people without knowing it. Coming from experience of course. BUT at the same time its good to look into the mirror and feel AMAZING! =D
@AznFier@xanga - i wish my reactions were productive!!! jealous! :D :D :D
@HateOrEnjoy@xanga - Yeah it's the weirdest thing, there was a time when I drank with my friends and I felt the urge to workout right then and there.
@Hallelujah_Haptism@xanga - I am guilty of doing this apparently. =( Very very bad.
doesn't sound like insecurities to me...it sounds like you really care about this person and without him there would be a void. This would indicate to me that I need to make sure I never take him for granted and let him know how much he means to me...and live for the now because someday he may just be gone and if he is....then you know you have loved someone very deeply. You will grieve but you will also work through it and find someone that may not have the same connection but bring something new and maybe even deeper into your life.
I have too many to list. And my boyfriend really doesn't talk about his, other than being afraid of where he is living.
@AznFier@xanga - Dude its nothing to feel ashamed or guilty of just dont get carried away with it.
i've a lot of insecurities.
my boyfriend has his insecurities. the biggest one that has caused a few fights for us is the fact that he is scared of losing me or something bad happening to me due to the fact that he has lost his mom (they were very close) two years ago. now he is very jealous and always tells me, "someday you are going to find someone better and leave me." he is very clingy as well. i don't mind though, because i know this isn't his normal self.
xo
self image mostly. not like the vein i am so pretty just the we always want to look our best for one and other and that kinda makes us insecure
@AznFier@xanga - Hahahaha, I totally get you on the Rage-Cleanups...but I all them cleaning sprees.
my biggest insecurity regarding to my bf is that I cannot read him very well and I feel like I'm groping in the dark when it comes to assessing how he feels about me. I could ask him but I'm scared about what he could say (it might not be what I'm prepared to hear) and that deters me from asking.
and most ppl wouldn't think I AM insecure about anything. I don't think my bf IS insecure...perhaps about his inability to speak diplomatically (rough around the edges). But i dont think that counts as his insecurity. lol maybe that he doesn't want to be viewed as "weak" so he tries to be the biggest asshole to demand respect from his friends.....i don't know, he's a weird guy....(altho i like it)
@kor_girl@xanga - I totally understand your drawbacks to asking how he feels about you; I have the very same drawbacks in my own relationship. Dami plays the "tough guy" just by nature (or maybe the fact that he's a competitive boxer. His soft side: culinary school :P ), so I find him incredibly hard to "read," so I have to trust what he says - which I often feel isnt enough, unfortunately. But what if what he says isn't what I want? Well, I think mystery is part of the joy of relationships. If we didn't need the time to develop these connections that the couples we look up to have, then we would resort directly to lifelong companionship...
Long explanation made shorter - while it is momentarily frustrating to us, we must find understanding in our relationships. We must understand that if they didn't want to be with us, they would. We must understand that guys are just generally not "wired" to ourwardly express their emotions. & We must understand that they, too, have these curiosities as to what we're thinking. Key to this - be as open as possible with one another within your own comfort...and that's just it. Find where you are comfortable together. THAT is where you need to be.
<3 All of my love.
my insecurities have definitely gotten in the way of MANY things in life.
I try to keep it in and then eventually after I have wasted my emotional capacity, I basically lay waste to my own relationship with people, which is really bad. I end up losing more than anybody in the end. T_T Sadness.
@UnopenedSuitcases@xanga - *sigh* I hate it when our fears get in the way of how we'd like to live.
I always think I'm the most insecure person in the world. And I feel exactly the same way about the person I love. Exactly. He knows this and assures me he loves me regardless of how worried I may be. It's something new like yours, but I can tell that what I feel for him isn't ordinary for as long as we've been together. I've come to embrace it now (was too scared to accept it before) because I know the feeling is mutual. That's the best part.
I sometimes feel like my emotions at the moment (if I'm sad or angry) will get the best of me and might ruin our relationship. I really try to control it, but I'm like an open book basically. People know when pissed, people know when I'm happy, people know when I'm sad, they just know cuz I suck at covering it up. And god, I have the worst temper & patience... not a good combo if you get me mad. Ugh, it sucks but my ex always reassured me that he wouldn't go anywhere (-_____-), and whenever I did get mad at him he always found some way to cool me down.
i feel like you have just read my mind! i'm feeling terribly insecure in my relationship right now. i feel he's becoming distant, and i think i'm overthinking things because i am so scared that i will lose the best boyfriend i've ever had, much like you said. thank you!
my boyfriend's biggest insecurity is probably the fact that he thinks i am goign to leave him for someone better than him when i leave for college
my boyfriend is a very friendly person, and that provokes insecurities in me as well. some girls take his friendliness the wrong way, and when i tell him, he says he doesn't want to be mean. it makes me feel less special that he treats me the same way as his girl "friends" but...what can you do about it? i know, nothing :P
@dearFLOPPY@xanga - yet another comment that i COMPLETELY understand. Damian is the SAME way. He's just friendly and comes across as flirty. I wish there was something we could do about it...
i know :P and it sucks cause we're not the type to strangle those bitches who think its okay to flirt back when a man is attached. embrace the unfair world :P but we love our SO and should be thankful that they love us back, and only us. i know my bf isn't the type to stray, but damn, it definitely kicks in the insecurities we've been trying to push away.
I had insecurities with my last relationship and for 3 years they didn't matter, until the worst of them hit and I realized that my insecurities where true.
Doesn't mean you have to listen to them, but something inside (like intuition) clicks and there is a reason.
I personally think.
Insecurties fucking suck. I never thought I was until I got in a relationship. now im looked at like a crazy woman. I hate what I have turned into...
the over-thinking and over-analyzing really drive me nuts....=[
i honestly no where you coming from. im been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now and it seem like i known him forever. he have the best relationship my cousin said she look uo to our ralationship. we talk eveyday and i cant imagine losing him. he always have insecurties because we have been trow alot from people trying to break us up to trust issues form previous relationships. my biggest insecurty is that he will get bored and leave me or cheat. and his is that i will cheat because he no i done it before but we put all that a side and trusted each other and not let out insecurties break us up. dont let them break your up either.