Miss Walrus
Come on, we all know the uber famous
Betty Everett song that goes somethin' like:
(Is it in his eyes?)
Oh no! You need to see!
(Is it in his size?)
Oh no! You make believe!
If you wanna know
If he loves you so
Its in his kiss!
(That's where it is!)Recently I've really started to believe Ms. Everett. In my day, I've kissed many different boys with very different ideas about what makes a good kiss. Some are super soft & practically tickle, some are long & passionate, some are wet & sloppy ...and even others are just, well, dull. And remind me of kissing something inanimate.
And, in a recent issue of Psychology Today, it was reported that testosterone in saliva helps "trigger sex drive" & that women use kissing to "promote bonding." So yes, there is actual research to support the fact that kissing is important, no matter how trivial it might seem sometimes.
So this got me thinking: Can you really truly like - or feel sexually attracted to - someone whose own idea of a sexy smooch doesn't match yours? If your kissing styles are off, can things ever really take off?
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Comments (31)
I've only ever really kissed three boys.
The first one I dated when I was 15. We were together for a few months, and he did NOT know how to kiss. I mean, teeth hitting and slobber and gross. So I tried to pull away from kissing him, and we eventually broke up.
The second one I dated on and off for almost nine months when I was 17. Although I was his first real girlfriend, he kind of knew what to do because he followed my lead. The relationship was alright, but his kisses were still "eh" because I was always the dominant one which got boring.
The guy I'm with now (I'm 18) can kiss perfectly. Our mouths match and it feels like we were made for each other.
So do kisses mean a lot? Yes! Although in my case you'll probably kiss a few guys before you find a guy that can kiss you with everything you want.
Kissing's...easy. I don't see how it could make a huge difference in a relationship unless someone was an excessively disgusting kisser.
I don't know. Why don't you ask the people who did the report?
mm. yeh my first bf ... well i had never really kissed anyone before, but you know you kind of have this set fantasy of how its supposed to feel, right? well. it wasnt that. it was awful. and he was much older/more experienced than me! so i figured maybe i was just over-romanticizing.
the next day he told me he "wasnt ready to kiss like that" .. and it was a weird sort of 2 months of dating with "cheek kisses" and such - and then we broke up. cause he was over 24? seriously.
my bf now, my best friend of years - thaaat was a kiss! thats what i consider my REAL first kiss. lol. was EVERYTHING i'd imagined but MORE so. and still is a year and some later
so. here's hoping! lol
i dated someone that was a terrible slobbery bad breath kisser and that ended badly
yeah, everything starts and ends with kissing...
I've kissed about 10 guys. Only one was a compatible kisser. :) I'm still with him and we're talking about marriage.
I will not date a bad kisser, kissing is extremely important to me. If the first kiss is bad, that's the last he hears from me.
WoOoOOh, if he can't kiss, we're not going any further than that. But it's not even just about his technique; I'm sure it has worked plenty with others whereas with me it just doesn't "click", but how I feel about him. Being physically attracted to him is a big part but if we kiss and I don't feel anything or worse, if I'm listing off chores for the next day in my head, that's really not a good sign.
yeah, first kiss, big thing. Kissing is a turn on, if we're not compatible in that...what the hell is the point to pretend anything else?
I don't think our different style of kissing will determine the relationship or how it's going to be. If he's bad, teach him. If he has a different style, compromise yours with his. I mean, not everyone likes the same way to be kissed. Everyone likes it differently. You either adjust and compromise (yes, even with kissing) or say goodbye!
lol if you can't kiss, it'd probably be really hard lol
@jeezshoua@xanga - I AGREE
Oh god... I had the biggest crush on this guy in high school. He always had a gf but when I was a freshman in college he finally asked me out!! After like 2 dates we finally kissed.. he slobbered on me! DEAL BREAKER! I was so turned off that I made an excuse to leave and never went out with him again. Kissing style is a big deal. Some guys you can train but others.. just let em go.
Kissing is definitely a big thing. A bad match doesn't necessarily kill the attraction, but it does make things a little less enjoyable.
But sometimes it's not just about the style of kissing, it's the lip structure. I have a good size pair of lips, and it's no fun kissing someone whose size doesn't match up well. The people I've kissed apparently thought it was awesome (to be kissing someone with bigger lips), but I was left kinda disappointed.
I still want to know who the first people were that decided that putting two mouths together = intimacy.
- John
I've only kissed 1 guy and that's my current bf, who I've been with for almost 1 year and a half. At first, I didn't know how to judge a kiss as good or bad b/c I don't have experience, but to me, our first kiss was unforgettable. Since I'm also my bf's first kiss, we're on the same boat. I believe a kiss can tell you something about your partner. Some say you're suppose to feel a spark, the fireworks, the butterfly feeling, etc. when you kiss and that's what determines if you truly have feelings for this person. And everytime we kiss now, I still get that feeling, so I agree that kissing is an important part of a relationship.
I think I'd have a huge issue if he was a messy/sloppy/slobber kisser. I want cute and passionate kisses :)
My ex (also my first boyfriend) was a pretty good kisser, we didn't kiss often cuz both of us hated kissing 24/7 like other people, but when we did, it meant a lot and the fact that our mouths fit together perfectly was even better :)
our first kiss with my boyfriend right now, it was amazing..
why? because it's so passionate and full of love..i felt so respected..
well, he's an American and I'm a Filipina, so I kind of have this thinking that he's probably used to torrid kisses and stuffs (kind of liberated) but I didnt expect that he'll be the one who can give me the kiss that is so full of respect.. and that moment I wished that was my first kiss..
I believe that the "excellence" of a kiss is, in addition to the actual research there, an illusion contingent to the person's feelings towards the other person.
There are those sets of two people where one enjoyed the kiss and the other did not, i.e. if one was kissed by someone totally unattractive to them. People may argue that some people weren't the best looking people but are great kissers. If that's the case, then maybe there's some underlying appeal you have for that person (not necessarily sexual).
I like to use Jackie and Fez as an example (That 70's Show). Fez kissed Jackie and she absolutely adored it, even though she said she could never see her with Fez. And what do you know, she ends up with Fez! Ha, though the show is fiction, the same sort of situation has actually happened with people I know.
For the most part, it seems to be the reflection of feelings one has on the other kisser that helps define the kiss itself.
first kisses are definitely a big thing. if its bad, why would you ever want to continue the relationship? there's some sort of chemistry involved with a kiss too. you might be left completely infatuated after a passionate kiss, only to find out the guy is a complete jerk. my first kiss with current bf was sweet, and left me wanting more - it was the conventional type of kiss i knew, but it totally left me dazed. i was thinking about it for days afterwards. its kisses like that which make me appreciate him so much more, cause FINALLY i get to kiss a prince after kissing all those toads...:P
I think there's a certain connection, sexually, or intimacy or what not that you get from a kiss. I've had different kinds, the uninterested, slobbery, boring ones; the passionate ones that lasted ages, and the unsure, awkward ones.
So much passion can be felt from kissing, whether it's love-related or not, you can't deny it's there!
wow... I didn't know that kissing was THAT important to some people. I've never kissed before in my life before I met my now boyfriend- and I was afraid that he wouldn't like me if I kissed wrong. I don't think people should judge another person's first kiss- obviously, some of us DO need practice XD But good thing- I was a natrual good kisser, ha!
they say a person's style in kissing can change as well . =/
if you are really into that person you will meet halfway if your kissing "styles" as you say are different. i dont keep a style i kiss evryone different because no one kisses the same. i adapt. i love kissing though it is so intimate and passionate, definately a favorite of mine. it depends on what the situation how you kiss. there is the quick hello or goodbye smooch. there is the first kiss, which is usually soft and slow and delicious. there is the "fuck me right now kiss which is more vigorous and sloppy due to the tearing off clothes and there is the mid sex kiss which is passionate tongue sucking lip sucking and very wet and exciting.of course those are just a few.
I think it's important. It sets the motion for everything else.