Wednesday, 22 July 2009
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Why Do Men Cheat?
Many women ask "Why do men cheat?", " What did I do to make him cheat?", or " Why can't he be committed to a serious relationship with me? You might be thinking, "What did I do wrong?", "Where is he meeting his new lover?", or "Since he is cheating on me, then I should get back and cheat too." Well, before confronting him, or if you already had, first you must remember: He doesn't deserve you, and you can always move on. But some of us are not in the dating game and are more in the marriage area. You hear stories all the time of men cheating and having fun with a woman who is probably younger, better, and more fun. Either way you put it, the girl is everything you are not: the total opposite of you. Also in those stories, you and your boyfriend/husband had it all: a perfect life, relationship, and you are the perfect couple. So, what's with him playing the field again?First Reason: Freedom!
Freedom sounds nice and fun... but being in a committed relationship and wanting to breathe... well, that sounds hard. When he's cheating for freedom, he gets do to things that maybe he can't do in the relationship he's presently in. When having freedom he can do what he likes and not obey the rules and expectations you had set out. When he's with another girl the girl doesn't have those rules. Freedom can give him space, time to breathe, and probably share stuff he isn't ready to tell you.
Solution: If there are rules and certain things that have to be followed, than I suggest reviewing them. Discuss some things that sound weird or unnecessary to either of you and come to a compromise. Be reasonable. Don't nag, you're not his mother. Use logic and reasoning. No emotional outbursts; try to see it from his perspective and stay calm. Let him know you won't judge him for anything, and that you're there to listen and comfort, and when the time is right you will help him as best as you can. Listening is to him can be a real joy. Come on, think about, guys are usually there listening to your problems a lot; you can cut him some slack and listen to him. Be somewhat interested in the situation. After that, comfort him and tell him that you like the fact he is open with you. When he's ready, he will come for help.
Second Reason: Ego Booster
Your guy may not feel as sexy, attractive, and appealing he has before. When you first met him you were probably think "What a handsome guy!", but once in the relationship, things get boring, stable, and common. He may not feel like MR. SEXY anymore, but he knows you love him. He also knows that there are women out there who want him too! Another girl may make him feel like he did when you first met him. Men like feeling that they're good looking and appealing.
Solution: Comment on him daily and tell him how he makes you feel! He likes to feel he still is good looking and not worn out. It's like a little kid in school that gets comments for his teachers on how well he does. By getting these comments, he's more likely to do well. Same with a guy. His ego goes up and he is more likely to be more committed.
Third Reason: Not Enough Attention
Like a dog, it needs attention or it'll go bad. He cheats probably because you're too focused on your job, school, etc. He is jealous because he would like some of that focus and attention. I know you all work, but sometimes he just wants to spend time with you. If you think about it, you'd rather spend time with him than at the office! When he's with another chick, she gives him the attention he wants.
Solution: Spend time with him, but do something different. Instead of sitting on the couch cuddling and watching a movie, go to a drive-thru movie. Mix it up and have fun! Also, it's nice to just tell him you miss him and you can't wait to see him.
Fourth Reason: Boring
Men cheat 'cause things aren't as wild, fun, and crazy as before. Like remember the time you were drinking on the beach and making love till the high tides came?! Now you guys are pass that and things are more steady and content. Well, when his with another chick wild, fun, and crazy times are back. Why do that when you're doing something more fun and risky? He feels when he is in a more steady long-term relationship it doesn't have the sparks and fireworks as a fling would, or he is not fun to you any more. So he goes with another chick who thinks he is.
Solution: Mix it up, have variety, and use your imagination!!! Try and find out all his fantasies and create them in real life! Change things up and do things he might never suspect you'd do.
Fifth Reason: Afraid of Getting Hurt
When you two were discussing about your past relationships, he might mention something about being hurt. So in order not to get hurt, spare is ready when he knows there's a possible hit. Hurting you means he doesn't get hurt as bad. Sometimes people hurt others first, because if you take the first punch, then the person can't harm you as bad.
Solution: Confront him and tell him you're open and share some insecurities on why you're afraid on having a relationship at times. Most likely he would sympathize and open up too. Everyone has their reasons on why they won't fall in love at times. But if he is cheating the first few weeks in a relationship give him time and be faithful. He just might be surprise on your love and comfort and make his decision. Seems like a long shot, but it's a favorable chance. If he doesn't change, than sadly you must leave him and move on.
Sixth Reason: Pals and Playas
Guys still have a few friends that are still single and still looking. Also, some are jealous of your guy! What does that guy friend do? Peer pressure! His pals make fun of him, tell him he's lost his touch, and makes him feel like less of a man that he can't attract anyone else. So, a simple innocent dare like making him buy a cute lady a drink -- and one thing leads to another. He may end up cheating on you by accident just to prove his masculinity to his pals! But if he's doing this on purpose, then you're in trouble with your relationship.
Solution: Confront and be firm. Tell him how you feel and how he would like it. Play by their rules and bite back! Call up your girls to stand with you. You'd just end up forgiving him and he would do the something again. This is the time to end the connection and call it quits. Also, this the time you and your girl can plan revenge on him and his pals. But if you still want to keep him and see if he would change, than go ahead. Just try to separate him from his friends and try to put his attention on you. Put him on a patrol type of thing. If he really loves you he would do anything to win your heart again. But beware your guy maybe a repeat offender!
Seventh Reason: Sex Addict
How do you cure this? Simply, you can't. This is his battle and as much has you would like to help him, he has to get it himself. He will go and bang the next available thing out there. Crying and begging him to change won't help. Best to leave because he needs help for him and not for you.
Men cheat because they think they can get away with it. Sometimes the best things is to end the relationship an cut all connections. It is going to be rough and tough. Would you rather be in a relationship where you are constantly hurt because he can't make up his mind? And if you're in that type of relationship, he's made his choice, and it's not you. You're hurt more than ever. You deserve better. I know cutting a long five year relationship may seem hard, than cutting a three month one, but if you think about it has its ups. It would give you chance to learn from your past to make a better future!
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- From: jozzie1218@xanga
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Comments (86)
And now for the sequel... Why do women cheat?
I guess this works for women too? Or are men the only ones who cheat :-p
@goodgirl_196@xanga - Yep.
cheat iz suchan outmoded concept mammals hav sex with uthur mammalz ther iz no scientifik reazun for not cheatin relijun creates cheaturz not nature
I would think for some men, they cheat because they enjoy the company of another person. And that person isn't his personal other.
There are some who we can talk to and understand very well to, but could never be lovers. Then there are others who are the wife material, but not the understanding type. And I think it is different than not enough attention or ego boosting. Cheating can be a difficult situation for males too, you know. They're not always the dog.
@raiderjester@xanga - agreed.
@goodgirl_196@xanga - Seriously. It isn't a one way street.
why is the sky blue
Wow...I'd say these are mostly right on.
Because men are pigs, plain and simple.
I think men more easily separate sex from emotions than woman, so having a screw with a stranger is not "relationship infidelity", but purely "sex infidelity"
Why Do Women Cheat?Â
While I agree with your reasons on why men cheat, I disagree with how many of these reasons appear to place blame on the women (or whoever was cheated on) for not fulfilling certain aspects of the relationship. It takes two to tango and one to cheat. Many women wonder what they did or didn't do that led the men to cheat, but the problem can be with the cheater's own issues or out of your control anyway. For ex., my ex cheated on me b/c I wasn't physically available due to long distance (though he waited only a month of us being apart) and the girl was willing to do more in bed (though the things he did with her were deviant acts that I guarantee most girls except for paid porn actresses wouldn't do - he first got interested in cheating with her b/c she made it known that she was willing to do these things).
Some guys, even if they're open about their fears and you give them enough attention/excitement, etc., they're still selfish and immature enough to do what they want, especially if they were always the type who couldn't resist the temporary ego boost of having another female pursue them. If the guy isn't getting certain things out of the relationship, he should talk to you about them (in my case, he just pretended nothing was wrong and acted even more in love). If compromise still can't make the situation better, he should leave instead of trying to have his cake and eat it too. You always have the choice to refrain from hurting your partner by breaking up instead of cheating. Just my 2 cents from personal experience. :)
To quote Greg House - "Everybody lies". That's just it. Someone gets caught and someone doesn't.
every point brought up, i thought "the same goes for women!"
maybe women cheat just as often as men, but people like labeling men as "pigs," so they only pay attention to when men cheat.
but when you make this post about men and women, the reasons seem spot on to me! good tips and a good way to make people more aware of how they treat their partner.
It don't take a genius to figure it out.
I was just thinking about this earlier after overhearing a group of older women talking. One woman was talking with a circle of friends, proudly stating how she only has sex with her husband on his birthday or on their anniversary. Her friends cheered and gave her high fives and "you go girls"
Twice a year? For the rest of a guys life? I can understand not giving in to a males constant need for stimulus, but that's a bit much.
I couldn't blame a guy for cheating in a situation like that.
Well, they probably aren't getting what they want in the relationship that they're in OR they're being restricted from getting it..., they get drunk often, or they just want to feel badass... and then the wrath of their girlfriend/boyfriend. It's possible.
Men look for sex more vigorously, whereas women are more closed off sexually and want to be in a relationship where it really means something, before they open themselves up to sex.
You forgot the biggest reason of all "Variety". It doesn't matter how great or how hot you are, if he's the cheating type he'll want to try something new. It's like getting a new toy. Collect all five. Each one is a little different. This one might have a perkier ass, this one might have blonde hair, this one might be a little skinner, this one might have a prettier face, this one might be a little heavier in the right areas. The list goes on.
On a sexual level men view women as objects or quests to conquer. We see woman all the time we might want to bang. If given the chance some guys take it.
Of course I'm just guessing since I've never cheated. But if I were the type that did, that would be my reason. Sometimes it's hard to stay in a relationship with the same girl over several years when you see so much variety out there. It's like a buffet you're not allowed to touch. You can only eat the same meal every day. As much as you might love that meal, it can get frustrating.
@Dustin_wind@xanga - Not all women are like that. Some just want sex even if it doesn't mean anything and they're not in a relationship.
@jeweliette@xanga - exactlyy, some guys are in bad relationships I guess where the girl could be more attentive but they could still end it before cheating.
Relationships are a two way street if one person cheats it doesnt mean the other person did something wrong, it means they both our.
@xourlastendeavorx@xanga - 100% agreed.
Don't women cheat just as much?
Some men I know are more honest than the women I know.
I think it should be why people cheat in general...