Wednesday, 22 July 2009
-
Should I Be Concerned?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and eight months now. He is soon to be leaving for college in a few weeks and so we have been doing a lot of talking about our future and such and cheating came up. So I said, "if you were to ever cheat...I dunno...that would be so crazy." He looked at me and said "You would never give me another chance if I were to cheat?" and I told him "Most likely, no."My reasoning is that it would hurt too much and I told him from the beginning...cheating is a dealbreaker, as it should be. If you feel as though you are going to cheat on me while we are together, don't be with me. Maybe we can be friends...but a relationship wouldn't be an option anymore.
He really couldn't believe that there would be no more chances. He has never been rejected before and I was wondering if because he has never been rejected did that make him think the way he did about cheating. Or is it me...and anyone else would give their SO another chance? Now he says he won't ever tell me if he cheats because he knows how I'm going to react and he doesn't want to lose me...
So, should I be concerned concern me that he's not ever going to tell me? I mean...some people would tell their SO or whoever...but just the fact that I know he wouldn't tell is the thing that bothers me .
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: jazzysolovely
- Name: jazzysolovely
- About Me: Jasmine. 16. Philly. I am a very fun person to be around. I'd like to get to know you. I do not want to be your friend. Me and my friends talk about random thnigs that happened years ago between us because we r cool like that =]
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 2005 Comments: 0 94 View all posts by jazzysolovely
Comments (95)
The fact that he's concerned over it is concerning in itself.
@trebleclef402@xanga - totally agree. He shouldn't even consider the "chance" of doing it..
Something smells fishy.
It seems like he may have already cheated, or was very close to doing so, and so he's getting nervous. If he doesn't want to lose you, then why would he cheat on you? It almost seems like he is asking for a free pass, for *when* he cheats (not *if*).
If I were in your position, I would be very concerned. You two still have a lot of talking to do...
That is quite concerning!!
I wouldn't be surprised if he was seeing another person already. Most guys wouldn't exactly ask their SO about how they would react if they cheated, and he said that he wouldn't tell you if he did. You should be concerned.
Kinda seems like he's planning on cheating...or is cheating already...
Uh oh...
he sounds like a douche. mistersoulja is right, he probably already is cheating. if he honestly thinks he can get away with cheating he's got another thing coming. you say "well i won't ever tell you because you'll be mad" is something you say when your girlfriend asks if you'll tell her if she ever gets too fat. not cheating.
The fact that he asked if he cheated if you'd take him back bugs me. It's like he's asking if it's ok that he cheats on you. I mean... SERIOUSLY?! I would be suspicious from there on out then. Cheating is not something I would ever be able to get past. Even if I took them back, it would always be in my mind, and my bitterness and distrust would always shine through...
And yes, like some of the others... it made me wonder if he was already cheating. :-\
You should be concerned about this. There's something going on that's quite obvious, but you're not getting it.
Your just going to be left alone in your mind with that one because its impossible to really know. Love is built on trust, so reaffirm the trust.
Honestly, I'd be concerned that he'd be worried about your reaction "if" he cheated. He should be more worried about... not cheating at all, than how you would take it.
And if he's said he's not gonna be honest with you if it happens... sounds like he's not as committed to it as you are.
hahaha that was a retarded conversation.
I wont give my SO a chance if he cheats... You should be concerned.. Things change when a couple do not see each other often..
YES you should be concerned. Anyone who cares for you enough would never even think of cheating as a possibility... anyone who cares for you enough would not CHEAT... ergo, that person would have no motivation, would have no concept even of cheating on you and would, therefore, certainly never as about the possibility.
It's like someone you love asking you if you'd give them a second chance if they physically abused you from time to time... its just not a legitimate question from someone who cares. It is, in itself, a paradox.
There should *never*, in a caring relationship, be an "*If* I cheat..." statement made. It shouldn't cross their mind.
I agree with the others, it is slightly suspicious. I can understand why you wouldn't give him another chance if he cheated. I think that you need to sit down and have a proper conversation about this. I know that's painful, and you may hear things that you don't want to hear, but that's better than him going away to College, and fearing everytime he goes out, or whatever. I think honesty is good, I'm just not an advocate of 100% honesty, but I think being honest about cheating is important.
okay; i was with a guy for 6 years from the age of 15 until a month before i turned 21, out of those 6 years i can count on my fingers and toes how many times he cheated on me, wether it be emotionally cheating or physically .. each time it was horrible .. each time i took him back and let me tell you it was a miserable situation, once someone does something like that to you, no matter how much they apologize or try to make things better you'll never be able to fully trust them again and a relationship without full trust is a situation doomed for misory. i deff wouldnt give him a second chance if i were you and im just speaking through experiance, it dosnt ever work out. and the fact that he wouldnt tell you if he did is disturbing, there are too many nasty people out there and him not being honest about something like that could cause serious health problems .. so on and so forth .. i just wouldnt put up with it .. but i hope he dosn't, if he loves you he wont .. bottom line, if he does he was never yours to begin with.
seems to me what he should have said is "If I want to screw someone else I would jut break up with yoiu because I don't want to put you through that" not that he wouldn't tell and that he can't believe you wouldn't forgive him. The fact that you wouldn't give him another chance means you have loads of self respect....he obviously doesn't have that much.
Yeah, I'd definitely be concerned, ESPECIALLY as he's going off to college.
It sounds to me like if he's not already cheated, then he's already planning ahead for all the college "experiences" that popular culture makes it seem like - i.e. girls hanging off every door just begging for it.
Reality is a much different kettle of fish, but the mere fact that he's already talking about hypothetical is worrying enough for me.
I'd save myself the hurt and break up with him already. In my mind, he's already untrustworthy and you'll save yourself immensely.
My two cents.
"Now he says he won't ever tell me if he cheats because he knows how I'm going to react and he doesn't want to lose me..."
If he doesn't want to lose you, he won't cheat. Isn't that the way it's supposed to work? Not "I don't want to lose you so I won't tell you when I cheat."
@cmdr_keen@xanga - I agree, I'd dump him. He's either cheating now or planning to, so why waste any more of your time?
This is kind of off topic but if I ever cheat on my significant other, I would not tell him (over my dead body) unless he found out on his own then maybe I'll admit to it.
He knows that you won't forgive him if he cheated so if he does cheat (or had already), you won't be hearing anything of it. He'll just go along as if nothing has happen until you find out.
It's just weird. He's asking you if it's okay for him to cheat and actually expecting you to take him back if he did cheat.
Good luck girl
I hope everything works out for you guys
yup, nuff said.
it sounds like...he had already cheated or intends to cheat.
personally i give no chance for cheating.
@oQduckieQo@xanga - Well said. Completely agree.