Wednesday, 22 July 2009
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Would You Convert?
I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and we talk about our future like marriage and kids. Because we are both very family oriented people, being accepted by each other's families is kind of a big deal to us. Which is great because his family loves me and they make me feel very comfortable and accepted. I always feel welcomed at his home. It's the same with my family. He recently came to stay for a week, and my family adores him. However, there's just one problem that arises from time to time. Him and his family is Roman Catholic. I'm not. In fact, my mother is a Muslim.
It's not a big deal to us that he's Catholic because my dad, and essentially everybody else in the family are atheists or agnostics or well, people who don't really care about religion much.
But whenever my boyfriend and I discuss our future, he brings up the religion factor. He says that he wants to get married in a church and he wants to raise his kids Catholic. Which is fine by me. I even accompany him to mass sometimes when he goes to church with his family.
So, here is my dilemma: If I choose to convert to my boyfriend's religion, I will be taking the risk of upsetting my mother who has tried to raise me with her religion. Someone who I am very close to and someone who sometimes shows her disappointment with the fact that I chose to not follow a religion.
If I choose not to convert to my boyfriend's religion, I take the risk of not being FULLY accepted by his family and also having misunderstandings with him. Although his family loves me, they do bring up the fact that me, or my family, isn't Catholic. And I think right now they are only satisfied because they think I will convert and things will be fine.
Would you convert to your SO's beliefs? What would you do in my situation?
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- From: SophiaRaphsody@xanga
- Name: MyDamascus
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Comments (56)
I'm sure that his family would understand if you didn't convert. And as long as you didn't try to subvert his Catholicizing of the kids, I'm sure he would be patient with any of your misunderstandings.
Don't convert if you don't believe what Catholicism says, that wouldn't be right. Talk to him about how you're feeling. I'm sure he wouldn't ask you to do anything you don't want to do/don't believe.
I have an aunt who is Catholic who married a Jewish man. These things can work out. (Although it happened theirs didn't, for other reasons.)
Well.. Putting aside how your family would feel about it, do you want to be a Catholic? Because it is a way of life that you would have to accept and love. How you feel about being Catholic matters when making a decision like this. Also, if you decide not to, I'm sure you and your boyfriend could work through misunderstandings..
Good luck!
Have you have a talk with your mother? I think you may want to let her know of the situation... Try to discuss with her without taking a stand on which side you are standing... Let her give you her opinion for this situation...
I hope everything goes well for you~
will "adapting" yourself to their religion make you a better person?
Hmm, not a fun situation. I'd sit down with your boyfriend and discuss it with him.
my opinion really would be to do what you want and not what people expect you to do. if you think that raising your kids the way your husband wants it then and your ok with that, then it is your choice and your right to do so. i am an ex-muslim, im athiest now and both my parents are very religious(my dad is a muslim priest) so i dont really tell them that im athiest considering that will be a major disappointment to them, but i dont involve myself in any of the rituals and traditions. Don't be offended, but your mom is not going to be living with you and your future husband to please her, so your focus should be on your future family and not what your parents expect you to. she has to accept that in a good or bad way.
Wish you the best.
I think if I didn't care either way and didn't align myself with any particular religion or spiritual set of beliefs already, I would go ahead and convert to his IF we were engaged and definitely getting married. I wouldn't convert just for a boyfriend.
As it is, I've always actually seriously believed in certain things and it wasn't about just calling myself this or that, so the chances of seriously dating anyone (let alone marrying them) if they weren't at least MOSTLY on the same page as I am were nil.
In the end, just remember that it's not your mother's life and it's not your boyfriend's family's life either. It's yours, and you need to do whatever you feel is ultimately best for you and for your future with this man.
Good luck!
If you are capable to weigh your options and decide which religion to follow based on a list of pros and cons, I think followers of both faiths would say you're doing it wrong.
If you're seriously interested in appeasing your mother or your boyfriend, you should choose the faith that speaks to you personally.
No, I find religion a tad bit ridiculous. I wouldn't be able to accept one now. Although I could fake it for a bit I guess.
I'm Roman Catholic myself, and if I had to convert just to be with my SO, I'd tell her she was crazy >_>
You talk about this religion thingie like you don't believe in any of the religion talked about in this post. If you're an atheist, you're an atheist...don't convert for someone...you have to believe in the gods of the religion and all that it entails.
it's funny -- my boyfriend is muslim and i'm roman catholic. and when we talk about marriage and kids, it's exciting until all of a sudden it's -- BAM! awkward silence because we won't be getting married in a church (my dream) and i won't be converting to islam (his dream). in fact, he wants the children to be raised muslim and .. well, now i just avoid the topic altogether. we'll see what happens in the future, you know? it's a really hard decision, i know what you're going through. i won't convert, i already told him that.
It depends on how strong your religious feelings are. If you feel strongly about the Muslim religion, than you should not convert. But if it isn't a determining factor to you, than you should consider it. And yes, your mother might be upset, but talk to her about it. With the religions being so different... it's hard to say what I would do.
I was raised Roman Catholic. But when I was around 10, our family had a falling out with the priest at our church, and things snowballed. We have not been the most devout Catholics lately... but God and I have an understanding. He knows my feelings and prayers. That's all that matters.
If my SO was another religion, and it was important to him, I would probably convert for him. As long as it was some variation of a Christian religion. I don't think I could go as different as Judiasm, Muslim, etc. But being defined as a certain religion is not something very important to me, or high on my list of things. Like I said, God knows how I feel, even when I don't properly display my feelings. So if it was something very important to my SO, it would be stupid to not convert for him when it isn't as important to me.
Sorry if that didn't make sense. I had a bad night and just woke up
You should definitely talk to your mom about it and your boyfriend as well. But definitely don't make any decisions until there is a ring on your finger. I am kind of in the same boat as well, I'm not religious at all and my boyfriend's family is Jewish even though he doesn't consider himself religious at all. He doesn't want me to convert and got mad when I brought it up but I want to convert. It would make everything easier for a couple to share the same religion if it is important to the other one to raise them Catholic, Jewish or Muslim.
Sounds like his family is a bunch of weiners.
You should do what you want to do, not what others want you to do.
No, I wouldn't convert. But, that's just my choice. I was raised Catholic my whole life, and I wouldn't convert just because I love the man.
I am Buddhist. My fiance is Catholic. We are not converting and couldn't be any happier. We accept each other for who we are and encourage each other to follow our own path. We will raise our kids with the Catholic faith and the Buddhist teachings. There is no reason why your kids cannot be exposed to other religions.
I don't believe that it is right for you to convert because you feel pressure to do so. What's the point in converting to a religion when you don't feel it in your heart? You would be lying/cheating yourself, your boyfriend, and your families. In the end, this relationship will not work out if they don't accept you and your family's religious background. How does it feel when someone tells you that what you believe in is wrong? That's what you're marrying into.
I cannot stand Catholic Crusaders. I believe in God, I believe in the faith, but I am a Buddhist. I am not a Catholic. I will never be a Catholic and I will never allow someone to control who I am or who I will become.
BTW: I'm not converting and we're still getting married in a church. We went to a Catholic Engagement Retreat for a weekend. When that was over, they gave us a certificate of completion, which was then given to his church admin. She submitted to the Arch Diocese as part of an approval process to allow a non-Catholic to get married in a Catholic church. It's non-sacriment, but we're still doing it our of respect for his religion.
I would compromise. Faith is important for everyone & there are lots of interfaith weddings! Infact, I saw one on "A Wedding Story" where an Indian woman married a Roman Catholic & they married in a church & she wore a traditional sairi(sp?) but in white. It was gorgeous! As for kids, people have compromised on that too such as waiting until the kids are old enough to choose, raising boys one way & girls another, just picking one, whatever works. If he forces the issue, then I would reconsider the relationship.
No.
Only convert for you. Some relationships work with 2 different religions, and some don't. Discuss it thoroughly before you agree to marry him.
Do what you want. If you feel you want to be Catholic, go for it. If you wish to be a Muslim, go for that. Religion is personal choice, and you shouldn't be pressured to change it for anyone.
My boyfriend is Agnostic, and I'm a Methodist. We don't argue about religion, but we discuss philosophy and spirituality. He has also agreed he would get married in a church, but we both have agreed that if we have children, they can make their own choices about religion.
My husband and I have been together for six years, married for three, and we both have different religion that causes our family and people around us to clash with each other at the beginning of our relationship and before our wedding. At the end of it, he did not convert to my religion and neither did I. What did we do? We respect and accept each others differences in religion. Religion plays a huge factor (to some) and you just can't convert because you want to be with someone till death due us part. If you convert for that reason, you are really not converting for the sake of it but for others to accept you and believe that you actually have faith in their religion which is false. At the end, my husband and I did what's best for us and eventually, both of our families came to accept our decision.
You said your mom is Muslim and your dad, (and essentially everybody else in the family are) atheists or agnostics, well, I also see a religion differences between your parents as well. Can your mom be really mad at you if you decide to "convert" for your own good when your dad is atheist or agnostic? Does she "encourage" your other members in the family to believe in her faith also? Really, I think at the end, it really depends on the individual. You can't force or make someone believe in a god and their practice if he or she wholeheartedly don't believe in it.
Converting to a religion because of boyfriend or family pressures is a bad idea.
When you accept a religion, you should fully believe in what the religion teaches. If you are unable to accept it into your heart, then you aren't necessarily Catholic, Muslim, etc. You're only saying you are. With that in mind, what religion do you believe? What would you be able to follow? You mentioned that you never really followed your mother's religion even though she tried to teach it to you. So would it really be a good idea to remain Muslim? But at the same time, if you don't belive in Roman Catholicism then do you really want to become a Roman Catholic just to please your boyfriend's family?
I'm sure if you discussed the issue with both your mother and your boyfriend (not necessarily together) they will understand. Both of them care obviously care for you very much and won't turn against you if you decide to follow the other's religion.
nooooooooo, i would not.