Right now I'm in a situation that is extremely strange for me. Basically, I'm talking to two dudes. For two completely different reasons.
One guy I've been chillin' with is a bit of a bad boy. When I hang out with him, I never really know what kind of crazy shenanigans we are going to get into. He's exciting, he's different (and so is his eclectic group of friends!) and he's unemployed...which means he's always available to do spur-of-the-moment activities with me.
We also have out-of-this-world physical chemistry.
The only problem? Although we often engage in romantic activities like cooking dinner together and some not-so-romantic ones, too, something about our relationship just doesn't scream "intimacy". I don't really feel like we have that kind of emotional connection that couples should have.
Enter boy #2.
Boy #2 is sweet, super-kind and although we haven't exactly explored much sexually - and actually, I don't feel all that attracted to him, I know that he's the boyfriend type. He's trustworthy, honest and gives compliments like it's his job. He gives me that feeling of intimacy and closeness I am definitely lacking with boy #1.
I'd say we have out-of-this-world emotional chemistry.
Basically, if the first guy were my boyfriend, I'd probably consider what I'm doing "emotional cheating". I go to one guy for the physical stuff, but when it comes to discussing life and personal issues, I def stick with boy #2.
So, I started to think about emotional cheating. What exactly does it entail? And does anybody actually believe it exists? If so, would you actually break up with a partner if you found out they were "emotionally cheating" on you - even if they never crossed the line physically?
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Comments (38)
Emotionally cheating is when you're with one person (dating them or whatever) but your heart is with another person. I, unfortunately, always seem to be the other person. I think that would hurt most girls more than physical cheating would, but the other way around for guys. But, then again, what do I know.
Emotional cheating definitely exists, and I think it hurts a lot worse than if my SO were to just be having sex with someone else.
Having any sort of romantic feelings for someone who isn't your SO would be emotional cheating in my book. I've emotionally cheated, and my boyfriend didn't break up with me, because although I liked this other guy, I love my boyfriend and wasn't about to do anything to completely ruin my relationship with my boyfriend.
As for whether or not I'd break up with someone who emotionally cheated on me -- it totally depends on the situation.
I would actually hurt more if my SO`s heart was with another, than if he were physically cheating on me. I`m not saying physically cheating is okay, but in the case of emotional cheating, you know the person doesn`t even care for you that way anymore.
What exactly does it entail? And does anybody actually believe it
exists? If so, would you actually break up with a partner if you found
out they were "emotionally cheating" on you - even if they never
crossed the line physically?
yes, emotional cheating exists. to me, emotional cheating can't be so easily defined. one aspect is that you feel like you come to rely on the other person's attentions as much as or more than your significant other's; especially if that attention becomes so important that you start neglecting the person you're in a relationship with as a result.
i was with someone for 4 1/2 years and they cheated on me countless times, and not always physically. he cheated on me emotionally with two women (two MARRIED women, i should add...) and i broke up with him because out of all of the times he'd cheated, those hurt me the most.
to be honest, it's horrible when you're on the receiving end.
@babyymiichhh@xanga - Yeah that's what I think. I would be thinking, "Why are you even with me?"
yeah, when someone you love doesn't love you back, that hurts way more than physical cheating. one time flings are forgivable, but longterm emotional cheating is not. you should stick with guy #2. my boyfriend was my best friend, and i had no idea he had fallen for me. in fact, it never even crossed my mind. but he was there for me every time i fell, so i gave our relationship a shot, and its working out better than ever. even though we really had no romantic connection before, i can't imagine being without him now. <3
YES, emotional cheating exists. Thankfully both my boyfriend and I are old-fashioned and agree on what emotional cheating entails, and we both agree that we even wouldn't want each other flirting with other people! Which to some people seems crazy, but it's a matter of who we have eyes for- each other. Some people might think it's restrictive, but it definitely isn't an issue when we both agree, and also because we're crazy about each other, and other people don't even catch my attention.
Honestly, if EITHER of them were right for you, you'd have everything that satisfies you in one person. You should have to go to two people to feel complete and have that satisfaction. If this is the case, neither of them seem right for you. There's IS such thing as a guy that'll be everything you need and more though. Just wait for him to come along. ♥
Saw them both in half and sew them together. You get a two-in-one deal.
- Kunoichi
emotional cheating is when you're officially with somebody but you're thinking about someone else deeply.
from my understanding, you're just talking to two different guys and not in a serious relationship with either one so i don't consider that cheating or emotional cheating. you're basically just trying to figure out what kind of person you want to be with. wouldn't it be so nice to find a man out there that had the qualities you liked from guy 1 and 2? i'm sure he exists, you just have to not stop looking.
Towards the end of my last relationship I was emotionally cheated on, its not a good place to be in.. It is really something when your heart is just not beating the same as your SO. I'd rather be physically cheated on since I was really hesitant when I dumped her, because even then she wouldn't just admit it.
Since you are just talking to two guys its not really cheating, if you're in a relationship with either one then it would be.
If you have to ask the question, you probably know the answer. They each have the potential to fulfill both your physical and emotional needs if you open up to them, but I think whichever one is more important to you right now has a profound influence over your preference between them.
i dunno,...maybe i might have the wrong idea about "emotional cheating," but when my son's father and i were engaged, i had just gotten out of the military. he was still stationed in Germany (i was too, that's where I met him), and I was home in the States with my parents. he started to act different and aloof a month and a half before the wedding, so being that i was pregnant, i didn't want to get married only to have it end up in divorce a few months later. you can tell me i'm wrong for what i did, but i knew the password to his myspace page (he told it to me), and after going thru it i found out he was having pretty profane sexual conversations with other women on his page. no mention of me, no mention of having a baby on the way, etc. i confronted him about it and he broke up with me. said i "betrayed his trust" and how i "went behind his back" about finding this all out. said if i just asked him, he would have told me. um,...yeah,...right. but i believe what he did was emotional cheating. although he never met these ladies and although nothing physically ever happened between them, it makes me wonder if he was given the chance if he would have. so, 10 days after breaking if off with me, i call him on the phone because i had to call out of work 'cause i was puking my guts out (remember...i'm pregnant w/his child) and this a$$hole told me he already had a "new girlfriend" and had been seeing her for "several weeks." I put 2 and 2 together and realized he was already seeing her before he broke it off with me. my son and i are way better off w/o him! so, the few times we have spoken, i've thrown in his face that he "emotionally cheated" on me, and that even though he never had any contact with these women, the fact that these girls point-blank asked if he was w/someone and the fact that he said "no" and how he was telling them what he'd like to do to them sexually, etc. etc. etc. qualifies to me as "emotionally cheating."
that's my story....
You should definitely go for guy #2, if you're trying to choose between the two. I also had a guy friend just like your #1. Even though we had SO much fun doing crazy things together, I just never felt anything romantic towards him. Sure, I wouldn't mind kissing him, but I knew most definitely that I had no longing to be his girlfriend. He was just that awesome kid I had a blast with every time I hung out with him. I had a boyfriend when I was friends with that guy, and though my boyfriend was somewhat cautious about my friendship with him since he knew I loved hanging out with my guy friend, it was tolerable because I just simply...did not and probably could not ever have romantic feelings for the guy.
I think emotional cheating is a lot of things...there's a thick line to me between "just friends" and "romantically involved," and whenever I'm in a relationship, I get really cautious if I feel like one of my guy friends feels just a tiny bit more than just a friend to me. I feel like when someone in a relationship has another friend who crosses that line between friend and lover, he/she should work to make that friendship as platonic as possible. If he/she continues to pursue the other friend with the intention of deepening the attraction, then I think that's emotional cheating.
Why go with either of the guys? You are not bound to either of them yet. Neither (I assume) have asked you to be exclusive, so right now you're just checking your options.
It really depends on the guy whether emotional cheating and physical cheating are one and the same. Some guys don't "tap it" unless they feel something for the girl. So, in that case, physical cheating = the emotional sort as well. But sometimes emotional cheating happens when the guy (or girl) is just not sure about where they stand with their mate. In the which case, if everyone's open about things (in a perfect world), you could fix it.
If a guy/girl is a good one, and an honest one, they will bring any problem to you as their partner. Keeping things like that a secret would be the mark of someone who doesn't care enough about the relationship, and thus needs to leave. That is the way I see it.
This makes me sad.
My boyfriend would never physically cheat on me.
However he doesn't understand that emotional cheating is hurtful too...
Emotional cheating is when one may be dating you, but their heart belongs to someone else. I think I would be hurt more if he were emotionally cheating with me than physical cheating because that just means he has no feelings for me, or he did, but they're not there anymore. Physical cheating could just mean that he wanted to get laid cuz I'm not having sex with him.
I've emotionally cheated, I think it hurts more than physically cheating. I was devastated when I thought my ex boyfriend had physically cheated, but I hurt him much more when I emotionally cheated. I think he's still having a hard time getting over it, more so than the fact that we broke up.
I had everything with him, he was my best friend, although there was romance and passion before that happened. He was both guys that you talked about, perhaps more emotional than physical at first, but I think that an emotional connection often needs to be built before the physical. Unless you don't want love with the physical relationship.
I then had a thing with my best friend on and off for 6 months. There was less romance and passion there and more of an emotional connection. I just don't think that I could ever have fallen in love with him. I find it hard to think that best friends could suddenly fall in love. The only love I've ever experienced is when I'm fallen head over heels almost instantly. Love at second date - fifth sight style. Perhaps it could happen for people, and for me if I fell out of love with my ex.
Anyway, I think that you should wait to find the guy who has them all. Unless you really feel for one of them, but I don't think that you should have something with the two of you. Trust me, I know.
It's cheating. Don't add the prefixes to it. It doesn't make it more right or wrong. It's just wrong in general. Love one, work it out with one. If it doesn't work, and nothing's changing, then move on.
Neither one is your boyfriend right? So you're not cheating on anyone. If you had set it in stone with one of them that the two of you were dating, then it would be cheating. But from what I read here, there's no cheating going on. No worries! If one finds out then yeah, he might be upset, but he has no real reason to be.
you're not emotionally cheating unless you're in a relationship right?
if you were, then it would be. it's like being a player kind of or something, like you lead them on to thinking such and such while doing something else behind their back. it's like having a girlfriend and talking to your BFFFL who's a girl and wanting to do her.
Personally, I find "emotionally cheating" harder to accept and it can cause more damage than physical cheating. Physical cheating.. at least he or she may still have some kind of feelings lingering for you and just want to do it for the thrill of it. Emotional cheating.. their hearts are not with you anymore. They want someone better and soon, that emotional cheating will turn into physical cheating and at the end, you're left alone.
But anyways, you didn't ask, but I wouldn't get into a relationship with neither of them. Seems like they both don't complete you the way you want it. They're missing something that you are waiting and longing for.
well i think i've done emotional cheating w girls bfs...their bfs can get close to me..spend a lot of time together...lean on me..talk about things they can't talk about with their 'hollow' gfs.