My friend and her boyfriend had already been together for two years when she learned that he was cheating on her. There were already rumors about her boyfriend cheating on her, but the guy insisted that he wasn't and my friend believed him. She found out in June that she was being cheated on. Her boyfriend had another girlfriend - that never knew he had a girlfriend to start with. Her boyfriend was cheating on her since March 2009 and I believe he intended to keep the relationship with the third party had he not been caught by my friend.
My friend confronted the other girl and found out that they had been sleeping together. My friend's heart was crushed after having found out that the other girl and her boyfriend had already had sex. Sex is the one thing my friend can't give her boyfriend 'cause she is saving it 'til marriage (as she says). The initial reaction of my friend was to break up with her boyfriend, although she wasn't sure she was not going to take him back. Hell yeah, she still loved him so much despite the fact that he cheated on her and worse, he'd had sex with another girl. The guy asked for forgiveness and promised her he'd never do it again. My friend gave in and they're now back together. I resent that the guy never even showed his remorse; he got my friend back in just three days.
It's a few weeks later and she's telling me that the pain is still killing her and whenever she looks at her boyfriend, she is always on the verge of crying. I told her maybe she's made the wrong decision, but she is hopeful she has not. She also told me that she can't let him go just like that because of all the men she loved, he's the only one who made her feel very special. My comment to her was, "Players know the rules of the game." Way back then, she thought he was perfect; I thought it was too good to be true. If something is too good to be true, then maybe it is not real - just like in this case.
I personally lost my trust in her boyfriend. I thought he always had the background of being a player and I'm afraid it won't ever change. My friend wants to know whether she's done the right thing or not so she asked me to write this one to ask the opinions of other bloggers regarding the situation. Was it right that she took her back even if he cheated on her and had sex with another woman? Do cheaters deserve a second chance?
Recommend
Comments (125)
Cheaters don't deserve shit.
You said it the best -- Players know the rules of the games.
He cheated on her, and cheaters never change. They ask for forgiveness, they'll even beg, but they'll go back and do it again. He probably cheated on her in the first place because she's not willing to have sex with him until they get married (if they do) and because of that he went and had sex with another girl. If she still decides not to have sex with him, he'll go right back to another girl and cheat AGAIN. I say she made the wrong decision, he'll break her heart again. I'd dump him.
sorry, in my honest opinion.
cheaters dont deserve pity
Ultimately, it's her choice to make. The best you can do is let her know your opinion. I think that a second chance is acceptable, but if he does it again, there should be no third chance! My husband and I discussed this right away! Cheating, by either party, will be a one-shot deal. One of us messes up, and the other is not giving him/her a second chance. Well...I thought I wouldn't at the time, but if it happened, I might give in.... But I wouldn't expect him to.
It is her choice whether to accept him back in her life or not. but he put shame to the relationship and this will leave a big scar. But forgiving him so easily, in my opinion and from experience, shows weakness.This will leave a big scar in the relationship, and in her heart.
If even looking at him makes her want to cry, than maybe taking him back so quickly wasn't a very good idea. If i was in her situation, i would probably have some space, and not get with him until I truly can accept it, and that would take months worth of time.
She should think about herself, how much this is going to affect her for a long time. I personally think she shouldn't have accepted a low life like him. No matter how much she loves him, there are plenty of commited nice guys walking around that can equally show her how special she is, instead of a low life cheating bastard. (sorry for my language)
She can do better.
Really depends on the situation. But if my lady friend cheated on me, I probably would disallow the continuation of it or else I would forgive, but not forget. Trust is Love to me so it would of been torn from its place in my heart. Eh. perhaps he was lacking the sexual pleasure he felt is necessary to sustain him. If the girl I want so fucking much right now didn't want sex till marriage, it;d be cool with me though. Damn life!
Holla Playa!
But seriously...no, that guy's a douche. He doesn't deserve a second chance. He deserves to be hit in the knee with a Pogo Stick.
Cheaters never deserve a second chance in my opinion. I know some people figure out a way to live with it, but I would dump his ass. If he cheated then, he's going to do it again and again. There is no excuse for that. And now she's still so unhappy. He made her feel special? If he were my boyfriend, I'd feel cheap and taken advantage of. Not only would I dump him, I'd kick his ass.Â
IMO, cheaters never deserve a second chance. Being deceitful and lying are never ok.
However, MY opinion doesn't really matter- it's your FRIEND's opinion that counts!
It sounds like she is still really upset about it, and from what I know about affairs, they always take a really long time to get over. If he is really accountable now, always tells her where he is, and is trying his best to make it up to her, maybe she should wait it out. But if she wants to burst into tears every time they're together, perhaps she made the wrong choice.
Sounds like your friend has some soul searching to do, and should also talk to her BF about how she's still really upset about it- not to beat him up over it again, but to make sure they're on the same page.
Cheaters are cheaters. They're not changing.
cheater dont deserve 2nd consideration. im telling you this based on my previous experiences. he once cheated on me,asked for forgiveness and did again again n again until i walked off for good. -end of story-
@AkiShizuka@xanga - Yes, they do. They do learn and try to change themselves, slowly but it's hard for them to get out of it. (not talking about myself! I don't do that.)
I can't believe my eyes! That's the SAME thing that happened to me 4 months ago....
He cheated on me, I broke up with him ....and then I realized how much I loved him so I gave him a second chance ... but he said no.
And he also was "too good to be true"....and he ended up being such an idiot.
I TOTALLY understand your friend, I still love this guy , because of all the guys I loved he is the one that really made me feel so special ... and hell yes, it's been 4 months ... and I'm still in love.
Tell your friend that very very deep in our heart, we know we can do better.....it just takes time and patience.
@naguyin@xanga - So cheating is like taking drugs? I think it's all about how strong their willpower is.
@AkiShizuka@xanga - Yes, at least in my friend's case, it's like an addiction. She can't stop doing it but about 4 months ago she told me she what she really wants out of a relationship and wanted to get away from all the lies in her past relationships.
She wants to be clean and it's all her wether she gets out of it or not. There's not exactly a counter-drug to stop cheating.... like getting her to stop smoking. >_> Another addiction.
Cheaters don't deserve a second chance. Your friend deserves better and one day she will hopefully realise she can definitely do better, take this from someone who was cheated on and felt the same way at one time.
Honestly, I believe that cheating is a horrible thing to do. But I also believe in second chances.
People have their reasons to cheat, justifiable or not. But the only difference are those who regret it because it was a mistake and a one time thing (maybe they were drunk? or maybe it was a moment of weakness?) and those who only regret getting caught (those who cheat constantly).
It's those who regret it that deserve a second chance. Not all cheaters are the same. It's not all black in white when it comes to cheaters. But in this case, I think the boyfriend was the second type - he got caught and regrets that he got caught, not that he cheated. So I don't think he deserves a second chance.
everyone deserves a second chance, even cheaters. if he's willing to change and he tries, then why not? but make it clear to him there isnt any third chance or fourth or la la la....
No.
She needs to wise up and leave him. She'll only get hurt again. I guarantee it.
once a cheater always a cheater! she deserves so much better!!!!!
She shouldn't be with him; he probably doesn't even deserve to talk to her anymore. When cheating is possibly okay is when someone is tempted and gets lost in the moment, but then their weakness makes them feel like a horrible person. The cheater MUST show that what he/she did makes him/her feel terrible. It helps a whole bunch if the cheater admits to cheating before his/her partner finds out, too.
This guy apparently fails in the "only got lost in the moment" and the "shows much guilt and willing to change" departments. So no.
So six months into my relationship with my husband...so yes back then boyfriend I find out he was cheating on me...he denies and said subject was put to the side....I knowingly and he knowingly but we put it off to the side....I wanted to forget the subject...I mean I was already living with the guy. "long story" I was 17 at the time. Well come december of 05 he calls me late at night to tell me he has to take his ex to the hospital that it was his obligation. All I wanted was a comfirmation from him and he still went around the question he knew I knew but he wouldnt answer me clearly....So I bursted into tears I myself 5 months pregnant. I leave the house to grab some air and stay out so no one would see me fall apart. When he told me all of this I was determined to leave him, but he didnt go. He came home to me to make sure I was doing ok I pushed and shoved him away I was disgusted at him even though I knew for months and months...I guess I was accepting reality. After a night of begging n crying n long talks I took him in...I didnt forgive him not truly.....not til i got revenge in 07 and then I understood where he was coming from bc I regreted that moment so much that I left him for six months bc I couldnt stand myself. at the end of 07 we got back together and ended up getting married in 08 ..........i dont dwell on things anymore....both he and I are a very happy couple now. Much happier than we have ever been......so SECOND CHANCES....always I dont care if you were hurt but you wont truly know if a person changed if they dont get the chance...
i don't know about you guys ( the bloggers) but it is very hard to just leave someone you really love. i know it was really wrong for him to do. for it hard for the girl, and you can tell she still has feelings for him. but if it was me i probably won't take him back especially if it been going on for coupe of months.
@naguyin@xanga - Yea cheating is like a drug...and its a long recovery process but one that will make your friend extremely happy when she/ he accomplishes it.
everyone needs a second chance, though it's not easy. there ARE times where the guy did make a mistake (being drunk or being in lust and the girl tempting him and wanting him) and it's up to the person to either try again or leave it at that. things aren't easy and it's not up to anyone else to judge the situation. i've cheated before and it's a lie when people say cheaters always cheat. that's ignorance. people CAN change. just like everyone else who's done something bad in the world.
but then again, if my boyfriend cheated on me, it'd be the end of it because i give my man everything he needs. so that'd be it. fuck it. ha