Tuesday, 21 July 2009
-
Help Me Define "Clingy"
A big turnoff for many men is a girl who is clingy, am I right? Some people define clingy as when the girlfriend asks to spend more time than said boyfriend would have hoped for.
Of course, there is the type of girl who wants to spend every waking moment and never let him out of her sight no matter what. I would call that clingy, but not wanting to spend a few extra hours with your boyfriend. It's a crazy idea, but what if she just misses him? Or what if she has had a rough day and really just needs a little extra company for once?
But what many men think of right away is "She wanted me to stay in with her instead of hanging out with the boys. She's too clingy."Don't get me wrong, I am all for "chicks before dicks, bros before hoes". But can't that rule not be put into effect every once in a while? I mean, you should not ditch your friends every time your girlfriend wants to hang out, but you are going out for a reason (right?).
So here I ask you a question, what is your definition of clingy? And do you thinking being a little clingy is a bad thing?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: tellmeitstruex3@xanga
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 1236 Comments: 0 38 View all posts by tellmeitstruex3@xanga
Comments (43)
What I personally find to be the problem is NOT someone who wants to spend time with me (I love that), but someone who NEEDS me rather than WANTS me. It is very pitiful to be with someone who depends on you for emotional fulfillment and uses you to fill some kind of void, (ironically also many times that same void that is sometimes filled with drugs and such).
I think that when you find the right person spending alot of time togeather isn't clingy it's just what you'd rather do. However there is a line, if you spend alot of time togeather and your girlfriend/boyfriend wont let you spend time with your friends, that's super clingy and psychotic. I guess it depends on how interdependentent the couple is.
if you want to spend friday nights with your boyfriend, to do something you love to do, and he agreed he'd do it, that's clingy apparently. when you see your boyfriend three times a week, that's too clingy. different people have different, guys have different ideas than girls. lol :P
honestly, just don't spend too much time, don't call them all the time, like call them half the time, let them call you the other half etc. :P :P
It all really depends on the people involved and their wants/needs. Being a lil clingy is normal, like wanting to spend time with them. But when it conflicts with outside commitments (like someone dropping ALL other plans for them ALL the time), that's when clingy becomes a problem. Also, when one doesn't want them to have a life outside of just them, that's also a problem.
For clingy people (like me), it's a matter of remembering why you're with them in the first place, savoring the good memories to help you not freak out when they pull away, putting yourself in their shoes, and throwing yourself into activities when it's time to pull away to keep yourself busy. Space is healthy for any relationship, even for the clinger.
Clingy is one of those vague words, like warm and cool, you can't ever define it.
Though clingy usually does mean wanting to have them with you all the time. A few hours a week is borderline clingy for some people (during busy times), not going to go into that though. I think SO's should even if one or both is busy, they need to spend some time with the other, just doing the simplest things together can go a long way in the long run emotionally.
[ha, I really am in no real mood to really "help" though. :\]
My boyfriend wants me to be clingy so that he can use my "no" as an excuse for people he doesn't want to hang out with.
"Awww sorry man, my girlfriend won't let me. She's crazy."
pffftt.
I think clingy is when your SO doesn't have a life independent of your relationship, i.e. other friends they can hang out with or other activities they do on their own. Some other outlet for them to grow as an individual, not as a boyfriend or girlfriend. I've found that guys I've dated tend to be clingy when this is the case, when you are their ONLY friend, their ONLY hobby, their ONLY source of stimulation (and I don't mean sexual). & also when you fill some void left by a lack of support from their parents/family/close friends, a lack of trust, etc etc etc. Basically, when they depend on you for just about everything.
I think the relationship should be healthy and balanced. Spending time together whenever isn't the issue (as long as both parties are okay with it, and they can say when they need some alone time), it's whether or not your SO defines themself with your relationship/depends on your affections/etc in order to be happy. Or at least that's what I've experienced.
I think if the communication is good, then you should be able to convey that SOMETIMES you need to hang with the guys/girls, or have a "me" night alone to catch up on whatever you want to do, or even spend some time with your family- and it's nothing personal. If they're understanding, it shouldn't be a problem. If they aren't willing to let you have some breathing room, then that's clingy, because they're too dependent on you.
Like everyone else is saying, people have different definitions of clingy..for me: Clingy is when he wants to go everywhere, and do everything with you - and by everything, I mean everything. And when he's not with you, he's calling you, texting you, checking up on you. I think in order for a relationship to work, both people involved need to also their own life - like their own friends.
And for some reason, I usually associate "clingy" with being overly corny, and sickly whipped/"lovey-dovey". =P
I believe the real definition of clingy is when your SO wants/needs you to the point where you can't do what you want. That's why it's annoying for some people. They can't go out with their friends because their boyfriend wants to spend time or he can't play games because she wants to talk on the phone.
I think he's clingy when he NEEDS you more than wants you. He needs to be around you every waking moment of the day and when he's not with you, he calls you and texts you endlessly. And, god forbid you don't answer, cuz then he'll run over ten blocks to your house to see if you're alright. I think he's very clingy if he depends on me so much and is not willing to take 'no' for an answer... or he could just be plain stubborn.
A little clingy is alright with me... but it's only a matter of time before he becomes almost TOO affectionate and obsessed with me. That's when it gets almost sickening.
When I want to see my bf more than twice a week, I reel myself in before I get all "crazy clingy." In the beginning of the relationship, especially, it's hard not to want to see him all the time.
I think it's good to keep ourselves in check and when in doubt, ask a sibling. If you ask a friend, they will stand by you and rationalize along with you. But asking a sibling, they will put you in your crazy place and tell you "NO!" lol
Well to answer your question, being clingy (for me) is being dependent on the other person for almost everything.
I think the problem is that with relationships, being clingy is almost a given. For example, you find a boyfriend, neglect your friends, and then feel like your boyfriend is all you have. (I believe that is most cases)
My boyfriend and I just recently went through a break-up (and make-up) and I think it was because I wasn't giving him enough 'space.' He said he wanted to do the things that he would normally do (and that would be sleeping and playing games) and not have to constantly worry about pleasing me (calling, etc) Of course we had a lot more issues than that but that's not really the point here.
The point is that I believe people should be in relationships knowing full-well what they're getting into and prioritize because when you're 'clingy', you expect more and with greater expectations may come greater disappointments so don't set yourself up for failure ladies, we have more respect than that!
There's a medium between being passive and needy/clingy. Let's all strive to get that! =)
Haha it's opposite for me, apparently I'm the clingy one that wants to see her more often and she's the more detached one that doesn't want to talk on the phone everyday, or see each other more than 1-2 times a week. ><"
Like @OstentatiousEloquence@xanga said, I think it's a need vs. want issue- if that person is incomplete without you, codependent, whatever, it's clingy in a bad way. Like this cute doggie picture!
When you are dating, though, it is expected you hang out at least occasionally. The fine line is determining the balance between healthy individual growth and what is necessary to keep the relationship itself healthy. While it's not healthy to not let your guy hang out with this friends or whine when he does, it's also not healthy for him to too rarely spend quality time with you.
I had an interesting conversation about this with Matt, the guy I would later marry, when we were both decidedly in the "friend zone," months before we became interested in one another. He had been talking to my ex boyfriend and we got on the subject of being clingy. He said that my ex had said I was "a little clingy"-- but as my ex described it, it was not in a way that Matt found to be a bad thing. (In fact, my ex described just about every girl he had dated as "clingy.") Matt said that it's fine to want to spend more time with somebody you're dating and if that person is hardly spending any quality time with you it's natural to ask for a little more. I agreed. (That ex was terrible about spending time with me. It was pointless to be dating- I was absolutely last on his list, after his friends, siblings, random strangers who needed assistance with roofing, and even his mom, whom he was overly attached to.)Needless to say, things worked out better between Matt and I. I haven't had to appear "clingy." He spends time with his friends without me three or four days a week and he keeps me happy and content.
to me clingy means the person wants to be with you all times. and often contacts you nonstop. and it can be a girl or guy... i think it depends on certain people. some needs time of space alone. so it can hurt a relationship if a person feels trapped with a extra clingy person..
@JaydenWolf@xanga - ahahaha my husband does the same thing... half the time im not even around him.......n he still uses that line.... XP
I've been in a clingly relationship before. Gave up all my friends for her.
It's when she wants to be with you 24/7 and get's jealous when you talk or joke around with other girls... I guess by definition, clingy could also be possessive....
I'm the one who doesn't want to spend as much time together, my boyfriend's the one who wants to go out more.
I would say that my boyfriend is clingy. He texts me all day long asking what I'm doing and who I'm with. and we have to hang out every single day after he gets out of work. I don't mind, I love him, he is just that, clingy.
@camelcamelcamel@xanga - well thought out and written!
Clingy to me is no life outside the relationship. Any relationship needs healthy boundaries.
@DistantStarlight@xanga - Awesome - concur with keeping individuality in the relationship!
well in my situation my boyfriend who is now my fiance he is super clingy he doesn't want me to go anywhere without him and we are usually fighting because we are around eachother so much that our personalities are starting to clash after being together all the time. Hes actually gotten rather obsessive, but he loves me even though he says i bitch too much.. b/c im always trying to find a way to get away and hang out with the girls but idk its kinda complicated
not that I have a lot of experiences in relationship but the little bit of experience I do have tells me I go through two phrases. In the beginning I would think about the girl very often and try to plan something for us to do every weekend but then once we became comfortable I tend to calm down a lot more and the girl would then called me acting cold...I don't think I was trying less or losing feeling, but I guess I thought I could relax a little without worry about losing her.
I think I need to balance it right right from the start.
Clingy is when you think you are incomplete without your SO. And when you also do whatever your SO wants to do whether you hate it or not because your too afraid to upset him/her. Also when/ if you don't live with the person you talk to nobody else but them and have nothing else to do.
Being someone who isn't very smart, talented, creative, or have a lot of money, there is not much I can do to really show my affection except cuddling or any other physical displays of affection. Some people call that clingy but it's just what I do to show that I care.