After recently calling it quits with my "baby daddy," I thought I'd be in the single/non-dating world for at least 6 months, mostly because I thought guys were afraid of babies. The fear that I might throw my little girl on them like she's theirs and expect them to buy diapers, feed her at night, take her to the doctor, etc...
But surprisingly, that didn't happen. I've been swatting away boys more than ever! Gosh! But that's another story.
Anyway! So an old high school friend and I have been talking a lot lately and are kind of in the whole "dating" scene now.
We text each other, hang out, talk almost every night until we are too tired to stay awake. We laugh together, make fun of each other, and anything that would seem like the perfect dating-material guy, he's shown.
But we aren't officially "going out". Not "an item". I'm not "his woman". And we've been dating/talking for at least a month now. I don't want to move too fast, but I don't know how fast I should take our sparking relationship. It's been a while since I've talked to another guy because of the whole baby thing, let alone actually be dating one. Also, he's going back to school in August in another state over 700 miles away, so it's not like I can see him whenever.
I guess at the end of the day, the questions are: how quickly should we move our friendship to the next level? Should we even bother entering in a long distance relationship so soon?
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Comments (15)
if you feel like your connection is stable and right for you, why not give it a go? but on the other hand, if you really don't see a future with this guy, let him go. good luck! :D
i think a long distance relationship isn't that impossible if you 2 want to. just consider how could you keep this relationship. maybe through the internet or whatever you can
idk i'd be extremely wary of dating with a new baby. an LDR is work, and a baby much more so. if your young child starts to grow up with this man, what if he leaves?
i'm not saying don't put yourself out there, but i would consider all the difficult factors here.
it sounds like you have a very good friend and that is maybe all he wants it to be. you dont say anything about kissing, holding hands or cuddleing so my take is he just sees you as a good friend or he maybe very unsure of how you feel an does not want to go any more ahead than he has.
that's great...power to u....u mite want to try investing in an older man too if u are looking for a new 'baby daddy' to step up..he mite not mind.
Long distance can work if you make it.
It may be worth it......
Sounds to me like he's going to move on with his life 700 miles away and you're going to stay right where you're at with your kid. Hope your venture works out, tho.
Long distance is definitely possible, but it takes a lot of work. It may require more work and compromise than you can handle right now. Your baby needs a lot of your attention right now, and rightly so, and if you start a new relationship, particularly a long distance one, your attention is going to drift, maybe even too much. I think it's great if you want to start dating, but if you just got out of your relationship with your baby daddy, then maybe you should just take a little time to just be with your baby before you start introducing new men into your life and your baby's. Dating when you're a single mother is a lot different than when you're just a single gal. My mom was, and still is, a single mom, and I grew up knowing a handful of her boyfriends, but I never met them until she knew that they would be around for awhile and that she could trust them around me. I would offer you the same advice, to make sure you really trust a man before you introduce him to your baby. My mom and I have had a great life and she is my best friend, but it's because she always put me first, before any man that came around. Build a relationship with your baby, because that love is the most precious. Good luck to you!!!
LDR is a possibility. If you feel you two have the connection and reliability to make this thing work, then go for it! You'll never know unless you try :)
LDR is crazy. But of course, that's my verdict on LDR...for two people who are free without responsibilities (you, with child and him with career) it's STILL hard, but considering you two aren't just thinking about yourselves, but also the dynamic of your child, why get into something SO complicated intentionally??
that being said, if he hasn't done much to demonstrate his hopes of furthering this friendship to be MORE, perhaps he doesn't want anything more than what you already have. On your end, while you're calculating the possibility of getting together in a 'dating' situation, on his end, he might be simply enjoying this friendship that's blooming right now. You say you don't want to move too fast but it seems you're already head of the game. If you're confused about where he's coming from, maybe you should talk to him before concluding that he wants the same things you do.
i think you should be thinking of your child much more at this point. this whole relationship, whether it works out or not, could take you away from your child and can cause problems in the kid's life. there was a study that showed that it wasn't the 'single parent' thing that screwed up kids. single parents by themselves were fine. it was the 'single mother or father dating while the child is a child' that made the problem kids with single parents problem kids.
How quickly should we move our friendship to the next level? Move slowly! Any decisions made will effect your relationship with your baby.
Should we
even bother entering in a long distance relationship so soon? Continue the long distance friendship.
Questions for you: What are your future goals? What is your relationship with your child? How will this friendship affect your relationship with your child?
Don't let anyone stand in the way of your relationship with your child and your future goals.
It's been a month. I would ride it out and see how it goes. I wouldn't necessarily rush into a relationship just because I have a "connection" with him and vice versa. Take it one step at a time and see where it takes you.
Don't jump ahead of yourself.
long distance relationships work, if you want them to. sure, they require a little more work, but it's worth it, well, if the guy is worth it.
well, how do you know that he wants to be in a relationship with you? he sounds like a really good friend.
xo
i guess since he's going away in august, just wait and see what happens from there