I am the woman you feel threatened by. The woman your boyfriend, husband, significant other thinks about in a moment of weakness. I am the tiny blonde with nice legs and a seductive voice. I am sixteen and a homewrecker in the making...
I've never been one for a relationship. Not at all in my sixteen years of life have I desired to have a boyfriend. I mean, after all, I am only sixteen. There is no way in hell I am emotionally fit for a relationship, a real one that is. My belief is that at this age it is all about having fun and meeting new people. Living life. Why be tied down?
But I'm starting to think these beliefs have been pushed onto me. About 99.9% of the boys I have "dated" or "hooked up" with, have had girlfriends. I attract boys with girlfriends. But maybe I do bring it upon myself. I like the challenge. I like being wanted in all the wrong ways. (See what I mean about not being emotionally fit?) I've always been able to bring the most faithful guys to their knees. Usually with just my words or an innocent kiss. Most of you are probably thinking I'm a slut, right? Still a virgin in so many ways. I think that is how I attract guys the most. The good girl with bad intentions. Let me invite you into my mind;
I don't think about her, aka you, when he's with me. When I talk to him or when I'm around him, he is mine, as I am his. I take as much feeling out of it as I can. I am emotionally unavailable. This is the only way I can reassure I do not get hurt and that it does not last. Most of the time, I'll only let the "affair" last a week or two. Maybe a month if I can't get the guy to let go. Or in the worst case scenario, I can't let go. When this happens it is the worst feeling imaginable. To find yourself falling for a guy who is in love with someone else. Who, after a night with you, can't wait to go home to her.
I will always be second best, the second thought, the weakness, the mistake. I always think to myself, I should be more like her. I do not this though, to intentionally hurt you. Do not think this is fun for me. This is not easy for me to do, let alone write down. It's nothing personal.
But I must be boring you. Am I as bad as I thin
k I am?
Will I grow out of this phase, or am I destined to be the mistress, the secret, the homewrecker?
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Comments (355)
only you can control how you end up..
Yes, that does make you a slut. To intentionally go after guys who are in relationships is incredibly slutty. So is going after guys that you have no intention of staying with. And it's pathetic. Obviously you have really low self-esteem. And no morals.
You'd be surprised how much the way you view yourself actually shapes your personality. If you feel like you're destined to be the homewrecker, then you will be. But, if you want to make a change and respect the boundaries of couples and not hurt two other people, then learn to distance yourself from the men in that way. You know damn well they're taken, right? Don't approach them. Don't make them want you. Act uninterested. If you respect the boundaries of others, you won't be a homewrecker.
Well, the guys you attract aren't the top guys in society; otherwise they wouldn't be cheating in the first place. In other words, you're attracting pieces of shit; which doesn't say much for you and is not a good thing at all. But you know that already.
You're destined to be whatever you turn yourself into. You can control whether you're a piece of shit like those guys or someone that is actually a decent human being. No offense meant, by the way.
Though.. out of total honesty, I don't get your username. I mean.. really.. I know a post doesn't show you who a person is.. but this one kind of makes you look like the opposite of a gorgeous soul.
i understand the challenge part, but.. i would never be able to just push the fact that he`s taken out of my head.
I agree with Behindthesmile. You have the ability to change.
It is a good first step to writing it down and admitting it.
The question is do you want to? I mean really want to change.
Only you can control how you end up.
I think it's pretty sad though, that you are somewhat okay with being like that.
@yourkbear@xanga - agreed.
I think I'm reversed. I'm the guy who falls for girls in relationships and tries to sweep them off their feet. Of course, my phase is different. It's for a long term relationship rather than a short term, and I usually fail because of it. I'm 1 for 3 and recently broke up with my girlfriend. The reason? It's because I realized I still had feelings for a previous girl. That's what different about our situations. I go in it for the emotional and long term relationship whereas you're the opposite. I'm sure they're similar though.
However, whether I like it or not, I'm going to get forced out of this stage if at least for a while because I'm moving to the other side of the country. Hopefully it doesn't continue there, but after some painful feelings and memories; I'm hoping the odds are in my favor.
I think you'll grow out of it too and I really hope you do. Being the likable third wheel in any relationship is bad, but sometimes we can't help ourselves. :\
@Heatherwhoelse@xanga - If a girl like that went after my husband, I would kill her. lol
Most of the time, I'll only let the "affair" last a week or two.
When this happens it is the worst feeling imaginable. To find yourself
falling for a guy who is in love with someone else. Who, after a night
with you, can't wait to go home to her.
I don't get it. You make it sound like you've had about 6,000 short-term affairs. So how do you fall for someone 6,000 times? I think you're just a really lusty person (not that that's completely abnormal) and deep down inside, you pride yourself in being able to accomplish winning someone like this, like it's a territorial game. Normally I don't like referring to someone as a slut cos that's not fair - especially when I've only read a few paragraphs, but hun, you just sound slutty and proud.
Unless you stock up on some morals (cos, you know, this isn't right - and that simple fact should completely dissuade you from doing what you do; Christ, I already feel threatened for my SO and I don't even know who the ruddy hell you are!), you may just be stuck with this label. Good luck.
wow, that's terrible. this post kind of makes me want to smack a hoe. it seems like you're just asking for attention, considering you already answered all of your own questions. you know that you are a 'home wrecker' so what the hell do you want any of us to say? i hope you learn how to respect in the end. good luck.
@xx0behindthesmile@xanga - I agree with you. Fate has a part in life but I believe 90% of it is willpower.
@imyourstargirl@xanga - Amen! She needs to respect herself!
Obvious slut is obvious
I don't see a gorgeous soul around here. Just a slut.
Actually, I know someone who was similar to how you are now. I was one of her victims, but afterward, I ended up her friend, and a close one too. I did what I could to help her overcome her problem. However, she was the one who wanted to stop; I just assisted when I could.
She's been doing very well lately, and has been focusing on what is more important at this stage in her life: school, health, and work. I'm proud of how much she's changed over the past year or two, and I hope she can keep this up.
As such, you need to want to stop this streak. The sooner you seek help, the sooner you can get it, and (hopefully) the sooner you can overcome this period in your life and move on to bigger, better things. Just remember, guys aren't the most important things in life right now. School, health, family, and perhaps even a job should take precedence to help give you a strong base for your future.
Now to end with an overused but very awesome quote: "If you can't believe in yourself, believe in me who believes in you." - Kamina in Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.
@yourkbear@xanga - lol forreal. some girl tried to do that with my current boyfriend just recently. its like why would you do that knowin they're taken?
@iambravado@xanga - LOL You're right too. Why are these other women posts popping up lately? It just seems like they want more attention than they're getting from the men they're creeping around with.
you sound like you were sexually abused as a child and this if you acting out.
not saying that you were, but it's rare to come across someone who acts out like and for them to not be sexually abused.
we all have choice in how we want to be. if you would much rather be an affair than an actually girlfriend, that's what you want.
but why would you want to be a one night stand..why would you want someone else's boyfriend? to prove to yourself that you can have him? then what? don't you feel like the way who got used? he is still with his girlfriend, he is still happy. he would just write you off as a mistake and she will forgive him.
and wait, you are a virgin? so you just make out with these guys and that's it?
xo
@Heatherwhoelse@xanga - Because it's a game. It makes her feel better about herself when a guy chooses her over the girl he's supposed to be in love with. And that's just sick.
@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - haha definitely. i don't know why it's the new thing to be a home wrecker. i always thought it was a terrible idea, but *shrugs* i suppose it's in.
@yourkbear@xanga - and its even worse cause she's only 16
If that's your mindset, I think you could channel it into something good. I don't know if you'd be seriously interested, but maybe you could work as a decoy for one of those cheating agencies. Women want to check up on their man and hire a decoy to see if he will bite the hook. Just a thought.
@Heatherwhoelse@xanga - What are we teaching our youth these days?
Whenever a girl (or, to be fair, a guy also) prides herself (or himself) on being able to hook up without any feelings attached, I can't help but wonder if it's because of some previous trauma that has severely damaged the way she/he views functional relationships. Traumas like abuse or neglect that leave the person unable to trust others and do practically anything, including sacrificing their dignity and self-respect, for a few moments of attention. I don't know if that's you or not, but I know this...the kind of path you seem to be so proud of taking is NOT a healthy one, and you have nothing to gain from it except loneliness and a gaping hole in your heart that can never be filled.
As far as your "About Me" content is concerned, if you want to find something that is truly reliable, pick up a Bible. You won't ever find happiness with the kind of men you give yourself to. Why choose to be viewed as a piece of meat when you can be loved?