Monday, 20 July 2009
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He Said He Loves Me; I Asked Why
Har har har! The funny thing is, he said "You're probably going to blog about this, aren't you?" Anyway.Before he left for Vegas for his stupid game tournament (Evo2009), we were saying our goodbyes and I love yous.
Here's how it went:
Me: I love you
Him: I love you too.
Me: Really? You really love me?
Him: Yes, I really do love you, with all my heart.
Me: Why?Then it became silent. He stuttered a bit.
Him: I love you because, ..., uh, UGH! Why do you have to put me on the spot like that?!?
Should I be upset that he can't tell me why he loves me? He didn't say anything for a long while. Approximately like 30 minutes. After that while, he kissed me and hugged me. And we started talking again.
Him: Why are you so quiet?
Me: Me? You're the one that's been quiet! Ever since I asked you that question.
Him: I just don't want to sound like a idiot when I answer you.
Me: How are you going to sound like an idiot answering a question like that?I felt like I was being sorta mean, but I was just messing with him because there shouldn't be a reason why he should stall on a question like THAT. I mean sheesh. Anyways, he attempted to answer but failed!
Him: I love you because you love me
Me: Ew! So you're saying that everyone that is in love with you, you have to love them back?
Him: No no! See, you're probably going to blog about this aren't you? Just because I can't answer your question
Me: Well it's a simple question! Why are you with me? There should be a reason you love me. You say "I love you" with no reason behind it?
Him: Can you tell me reasons why you love me then?
Me: I can tell you MANY reasons why I love you. And I wouldn't have to wait 30 minutes and stall just to answer the question.Lol. Yeah, this conversation didn't really end the way I wanted it to. He told me little tiny things why he loves me. Like "Because I deal with his nerdiness" or some little things I do.
What do you think? Should I be upset that he couldn't answer the question like I expected him to? I was thinking that maybe he doesn't really know what LOVE really IS. We've been together for almost a year now. And I love him more than he will ever know. But I want the feeling to be mutual. Not just me loving him with all that I am, but him doing the same for me. At times I feel like maybe he likes the company/hugs/kisses. But he doesn't really know the true meaning for love.
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- From: Maackenzie
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Comments (536)
Love is vague, anything he says would either be cute and you'd go through that whole "aww" moment or would end in you demanding "what the hell he just said to you" kind of response.
Try asking him what he thinks "loving" somebody means to him. It's more general and makes him feel less on the spot. Less intimidating.
you sound immature and needy and high maintenance. just saying.
This is why men dread it when women ask questions.
@XxRainyxMondayxX@xanga - I kindof think so too.
If you feel a need to believe that your love is justified by a reason or a set of them, perhaps you're the one who doesn't understand the meaning of love.
Love is a gift that you freely give to another person, not a prize to be awarded solely to those with qualities you think are worthy reasons for your affections.
Relationships are conditional in that way, but love is not.
Just a thought.
Asking why someone loves someone else is a very hard question to answer. It all comes out so inadequately. I can't really answer why I love my boyfriend; I love him because...probably because he's just perfect for me. Because my heart tells me I love him. Love is one of those weird phenomenons humans just have. There's no reason for it. I think that's the point of love, it's confusing and mysterious and throws a person's brain all out of wack because they don't understand it. Haha, sorry for my tangent. Point being, yes, that is a cruel question to ask, but it can be fun to watch your man squirm as he tries to find the answer that will make you happy. ^_^
You couldn't just accept the love and be done?
I think sometimes boys ARE afraid of being vulnerable with their answers, like we might laugh or something. On the other hand, your intuition is probably a little right, too.
If you need a reason to love/like someone then something may be wrong.
Love needs no description, it proves itself without words.
i am on your side 100%, there should be a reason behind loving someone, not just saying the word. you're not insecure, it's just nice to hear and you have a right to know. my boyfriend has had the most perfect and legit answers to that question, and i know they're true and that he wants to tell me. it's not right to just say "I love you" just because the other person says it too.
I'm reminded of that episode of Scrubs, where Elliot asked J.D. to say he loved her, and he had to do it perfectly, or she wasn't happy...I felt bad for him.
Here's the thing about this kind of question. I've asked it before, myself, and ended up with the same problem: he didn't answer it the way I wanted him to. You can take it one of two ways: 1) he doesn't love you as much/the way you want him to2) you had plenty of time to contemplate your reasons, and since you are a woman, you are probably naturally more verbose and emotionally expressive than your boyfriend. He, on the other hand, was put on the spot, and wants to answer "perfectly" so you won't get mad, but he doesn't really know how.
You decide which is the case.
"you're probably going to blog about this, aren't you?"
HAHAHA
It CAN be hard to explain. Besides, saying he loves you because you love him ISN'T stupid. Maybe he loves you for the fact that you can look past his flaws and things he dislikes about himself and you can love him anyway. Maybe he loves you because you love him even though he thinks he doesn't deserve you.
I would be a little annoyed but i wouldnt really get mad because u did put him on the spot. and men need time to think about things before they answer a question depending on what it is but that doesnt mean he doesnt know what love is or that he dont love u because thats not the case at all.
Not everyone can answer that question- I don't think you should be upset. I think you should try to be a little more understanding and just accept the fact that he loves you. I don't think that everyone has a specific reason WHY they love someone- it just happens for some people. I'm not that way- but I know people that are! Good luck!
Well, it does kind of help to kno wwhy one loves. Otherwise, they are being seen as kind of co-dependent or just needs a woman. I can list you all the reasons I love my girlfriend, if you asked me (I'm writing the reasons down as we speak), and because I am me is more of a plausible answer for being someone neighbor or a friend. Not to mention, love says that there is something about you that he wants for all of his life.
But I wouldn't be angry about it, or take it to heart. But next time, he ought to know that loving someone takes more than just wanting somebody. Reasoning helps.
It's a bad question, period.
Unless there is a full on, 50,000 word essay as to why he loves you, theres not a good and simple answer, period.
You can't love someone for a set amount of reason, so asking that kind of question, is...just not good.
As for the last comment..nobodyyyyyyy, not a single soul in the world including myself, knows the true meaning of love, you can break it down by science, poetry, politicial bias, all of that BS. When you are talking about a subject thats undefinable, its hard to say why you do it.
As for me and my love, there are random moments where we will talk to each other, do something for each other, and we would say "See, this is exactly why I love you".
(Gotta love that editor's comment)
Fuck, there are SO many people that I love with all that I am and I have no defining reason behind it. I just do. That's the great thing about love. You can just LOVE someone for no reason at all.
If this happened to me I would be a little upset but I wouldn't blow up in his face. I'd probably tell him to think about it a little bit. Then maybe he could come to the conclusion all on his own without any pressure.
@ELIZerson@xanga - Where she is trying to get at is sometimes the love given might even be love. After all, it is all too easy these days to say I love you, and reasoning makes sure that he isn't just saying that in a fit of happiness for the woman. Some women really do get to wondering what about her is of any importance to their man.
honestly...I'd react the exact same way you did. If you love someone, you should be able tosay reasons why. honestly, how hard is it to pull out things like "you're wonderful" or stuff like that.
Not to be negative but people don't always need a reason to love another human being. I love a lot of people just for the reason that they're human and deserve to have my love. On the other hand there's the question of being in love with someone which to me is something that should not be taken lightly. I am in love with my girlfriend right now and if anyone should ask me why I would be able to respond. We exchange "I love you"s all the time but we don't ever question each other's love.
Gonna have to go with the editor's note and majority opinion here. Love is a visceral thing. There isn't always a why or a set of answers to go along with it. It's more fundamental than that. There are people I love, and when I sit back and consider it I find myself going "Good God, why?"
Wow, you made an argument out of that? what if this argument leads to a break up? But anyway, for me, its really easy to answer you.
I agree with most of the bloggers. Love doesnt need to be jusitfied. Just enjoy what you have now, if you question everything in your relationship, it could really strain it.
love is just a word dear..because we're all human being,therefore we need to communicate,to tell people that we do love them. i know it helps but to me, ACTION is the most important here. sometimes there's no need to talk,just act.