Monday, 20 July 2009
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Will You Wait for Me?
One of my best friend has been dating this guy for close to a year. A couple of months ago, he told her that he had to leave the country at the end of this year in order to attend Army training in Asia (because his family said he must). She got quite upset about the news, and told him she didn't know what to do about it and whether or not they should still be in a relationship. They had a mini break, and just got back together recently. She told me that she will wait for him until he gets back - which is in two or three years time. We're still all young (17/18), so personally I don't know if this is the right choice to make. Honestly, I don't know if they are even in "love", they might be, but I got to ask her about that. No doubt...2 to 3 years is hell of a long time. I told her that if she really "loves" him, if he is "The One" for her, then go ahead and do everything she can to be by his side, only...if she is absolutely positive that she can't live without him, then she should wait.
Well I would, if he means the world to me. She is afraid that during the time he is away, she will meet someone new. Also, to make it sound worse, I don't think that they will have much communication during this LDR - but I'm sure he will visit a couple of times during that couple of years.
So the question is: Would you wait if your SO had to leave the country for a couple of years? I guess it depends on how long you have been in the relationship for, but we're still young. Also, what is the longest period of time you have been away from your SO?
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- From: Whiskers
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Comments (42)
i would wait no matter how long as long as i have the person i love in my life. i waited for a year for my bf to come back from iraq and i could have waited longer if i had to. and if u think about it - ur friend's bf isnt going off to war - he's only going there for training so at least u kno that he's safe.
Hmm....a lot of couples during wars probably went through LDR's and pulled through. I mean what if she does meet the right guy? Then she can always break it off with the other guy. But until then, just hope for the best for her and her boyfriend. :)
At that age, I wouldn't. There's so much growing that takes place between 18 and 21. Those are wonderful years and I couldn't imagine putting them on hold.
Older couples do it all the time. A partner gets deployed for a year, comes home for a month and goes off again for another year. It works for them, but they are more established in their lives.
Yet, that's me and I can't speak for someone else in that situation. You probably can't either. Only your friend can decide.
i don't think the girl can do that. if i were her, i wouldn't wait for him because i don't think this relatiohship would last forever. i mean, even though he doesn't need to go to Asia, the relationship will end one day. they are too young anyway, seriously.
If I was truely, completely in love with them, and as you said, felt I couldnt live without him in my life, of course I would wait, without a doubt in my mind.
The fact that she did doubt that is a little questionable but, its her decision I suppose.
And the longest time I've been without a S.O. has only been a week, haha.
If I was in love with him. Like real love.. no stupid high school going out crap, then yes I would wait for him. If I truly thought he was 'The One' and I could not live without him in my life, ever, then yes, yes I would wait for him. I wouldn't doubt myself for a second if I loved the man with my whole heart.
And, I've never dated, so I wouldn't know how long I went without a SO =]
I could see myself doing that. I mean, I probably wouldn't like it, but I could, no problem, provided that I loved the guy and he loved me (that second part being very important). And I would.
'Sides, dumping a guy just because he's going to serve your country? Dang, that's low. He's putting his life on the line, and you won't even wait for him to come back...I'm a little (read: a LOT) more patriotic than that.
agree with you to the T. if she really loves him and cannot live without him then waiting should be the answer... but if she isn't sure I would not wait for two to three years. so much can change in that period of time and, as you mentioned, you guys are still pretty young and probably not even in college yet? so she should probably wait or just move on with her life... there are so many opportunities out there for her and waiting will just make her loose and miss out on things that could change her life. but then again idk what their relationship is like so whatever happens to her hope it is for the best!
joining the korean army? because if it's that there is probably no way he's going to meet someone new.. unless it's a guy.
Also, waiting for a guy at that age. Like what if he comes back to realize that he doesnt love you or you never loved him all along as much as you thought. If you're only 2/3 you're still young, life doesnt stop then and if you meet someone new that would potentially be better for you wouldnt you feel regret in the future that you missed out?
if i loved him before he left, of course, i would wait for him. i'm not the type to have a wandering eye and i'm currently a LDR, so that wouldn't be hard for me.
and you are right, your friend is young and she might meet someone new, but that's life. if she waits and really wants to be with him, it will work out.
xo
wellll.. i was going to submit a post on datingish about a similar situation. the bf is leaving for grad school of 4+ years commitment in a little over a month, and i just found out recently. halfway across the country. well... i'm in early 20s, and i was pretty serious about this guy of two years so this IS a big deal to me but he thinks otherwise. it's never going to be the same again, and who knows what will happen to the person i once knew after years of separation. age is a big factor.. i'm still young, and a part of me isn't ready to give up everything and just wait.. but i also don't want to risk losing something great that i have. before this, the longest i've ever been away from him is 2 months, and it was not great, to say the least. it's because we see each other everyday otherwise, a long period of absense really hurts the relationship.. in my eyes.
it's hard because from the leaver's point of view, he will go off to gain new experiences and you'll be here back home waiting, and nothing will change. for the leftee, it's like a big part of your life just went missing..
the thing about 'not being able to live without him' is ironic because waiting means you WILL be living without him anyways. you will get accustomed to life without him. people tell me that distance alone is not a good reason to break if you want to give it an honest shot.. but i guess the problem is if the SO leaves before you can determine that she/he is 'the one'. because if you're not sure, the whole thing is a big gamble with lots of tissue boxes.
I'm in this situation, only it's complicated. I got a whole blog about it which is like 30+ paragraphs long if you want to read it, but it basically says this:
I'm going away from Navy Boot Camp and then Career Training. And there's this girl I really really like. HAVE liked for 7 months. But she has a boyfriend and I think she kind of feels the same way, only she needs a push. A big one mind you, but a push nonetheless. But I won't give that push, because I'm leaving in 5 months. In 5 months time I have to be away from her for 2 years. It could even be up to 4 if I apply for officer. So I'm not about to let her spend that much time and then have to handle being away from each other for that span of time.
It's just too much.
Long Distance Relationships RARELY work. I'm happy for those who are lucky enough to make them work, but it doesn't work for most people. Because of the lack of intimate contact one or even both parties will lose interest. I say the best is they should break up, remain in contact and if they're both single after the whole ordeal, try it again.
if my SO had to leave for a couple of years, i would not wait at all.
i'd rather just go out and have fun rather than staying in all the time, waiting for him to come back.
when you don't see someone for that long period, you tend to forget about them.
because that's happened to me. there was this guy who i really liked, and seeing him everyday made me happy. but since the summer vacation started, i've not seen him for weeks, and because of that, i've woken up and realised that i never really liked him that much at all.
Long distance is terrible, and not many people can do it. I had a bad relationship that I think would have gone better had my boyfriend not lived across the ocean most of the time.
I say they should go for it if they really want to, but don't be surprised if both parties meet someone new. It happens. And people change. They might not even want to be together by the time he gets back.
I can understand her point of view completely. In an LDR myself, it's not easy. But I've always been a believer in "nothing worth anything is ever easy."
When my boyfriend and I are together, it's so effortless. Things just seem to slide into place, there's never anything that is out of place or doesn't make sense. It's only hard when he's away, and that's just because we miss each other, not because it can't be done.
True, long distance isn't for everyone. It's really not for most people at all. But there are people who can do it, and the distance isn't forever. It's just a short time period in the long run. If the two of them are meant for each other, it'll work out in the end.
It depends on the person. be it any girl, I might choose pragmatism and dismiss it. But if it were V, the girl whom gives me poetry to write from inside, I would wait any period.
I'm in a very similar situation actually. My boyfriend, er ex, and I have been together for almost 2 years, and recently, we broke up because he was leaving for the marines and I'm attending college in the fall. He broke it off because he wanted me to experience college and whatnot. But we sort of got back together a few weeks later, broke up, got back together, and broke up again. All because of the same reason. We're young, just out of high school, and I know we have a lot of growing up to do. College and bootcamp will definitely make us grow up. He doesn't want me to wait for him and has done everything to push me away. It hurts alot to be in a committed and serious relationship with some one and then have them say they want you to move on and find someone better. But my motto for him is, "When you have something good right in front of you, why give it up or risk losing it for something you're not sure is out there?" We're young, I know, but I'm willing to wait. Albeit it us just a few months before I get to see him again, I want to wait it out and see if these new changes will be better for us and make us stronger in the end.
Both people have to want to make it work. I'm letting him go for now with hopes that a few months from now, things will work out between us. "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, that's how you really know it's yours." Let fate and destiny run its course
Considering my boyfriend is a Marine, I think it's safe to say I'm willing to wait for him. Currently, our longest time apart was 3 months. He'll be leaving again in October and it will be 6 months minimum.
if I felt I knew this was it, and had been with that person a few years, than yes. But if there was little communication and few guaranteed visits; I would be miserable. Having been in a couple LD relationships, its sometimes more trouble than its worth... the emotional strain isnt always obvious to the other, and sometimes both parties become so involved in thier own routines, that you start to wonder if that person even needs you in thier life? Thats not everyone, but had been my personal experience prior.
Good luck to her and him if they do this.
Would you wait if your SO had to leave the country for a couple of years?
Hmm probably...it this really varies with age though. It's not uncommon for an SO to leave the country for a few years for a job placement or what not.. But for people who are younger, I would definitely say no. Sure you can date again when they come back and see if things are still the same but i would say no to exclusively waiting for them.
What is the longest period of time you have been away from your SO?
Around 4 months. And it didn't last after that.
@aiinos@xanga - Of course, the people in high school think they are just as in love as the couples that make it. And some of them are. I have a friend who's been dating the same girl since freshman year of high school, and they're going on 9 years together. It's true that most people in high school are naive about love, but a lot of people in general are. I'm willing to admit that I am. The point is if the person thinks they're in love, then they'll make the same decisions as someone who actually is.
I'd say let them work it out. They'll find out during this period if they can make it through by actually doing it.
Most of my relationships were LDR and the longest I have ever been apart from my husband (while we were dating) was approximately a year if not longer (so basically, in three years of dating, I only saw him four times and our relationship was mostly on via phone). He was in the military (still is) so he was station across the world from me yet alone when he's on deployments, if I get lucky, I'll get to hear from him via phone once in two to three months time frame or so. And if I get really lucky, he might come home twice in a year and not only once a year to visit his family and come see me.
To answer your question, at the age range that you gave us, honestly, I would not wait. I don't think I can wait. At 17/18, I'm getting ready to graduate HS (or already have), I'm starting college, exploring my options and meeting new people in a new environment that I will be spending the next four years at, etc. Not to mention, having a significant other in another country where I won't be able to see him for the next couple of years or barely hear from, that's tough.
Idealistically, it'll be awesome if you can wait but if you wait, are you sure it will be worth it at the end? Are you sure you alone can carry all the emptiness emotion you are feeling when you see your friends having a great time with their significant others or when you have to lean on yourself and be strong for the both of you when he's not there? What if you meet someone new who you click with? Will you pass up the opportunity because you are still waiting for him? Will you regret it? Will you still feel as strong as you felt for him three years ago when he comes back? Will you two still be the same persons you both were three years ago? Time. Time can change a lot of things and it also changes people.
If I can't live without him, I would wait (I agree with you on that). But if I can, I wouldn't wait and see what will become of us when he does come back.
That time will test your love to prove if it is true or not so I think I would wait but both of us would have to understand that their is a chance the relationship will not stand the test. I am a romantic so i know it wold me hard but Id like to believe true love can withstand any test of time and separation but then again Im no expert.
that sounds really sweet and all, but I think she is too young to make that commitment. What happens if when he comes back and has changed and they no longer get along? I think they should break up for now and if its meant to be then they will be together one day.
....he could be the one...don't fret the age thing...i started dating my husband when I was 17 and we also had a mini break up and he also went away for military training........but I am now 21 and only been married for a year and the whole of him going off to train only happened last year...now he is leaving again on deployment......war.......sigh.........
N e who I mean this guy could be the guy for her but there is a down side. I KNOW she will meet new people and she will be attracted to them...the best advice I could give you is to just support her decision on weather or not she stays with this guy and if she does remind her every now and then .......when she does meet new people and if she decides to go out with them tell her to break it off with the other guy .....it hurts to come back and know that your world was torn apart while you were gone........keep it without deceptions you know...