For whatever reason, even seven months after it was posted, our
post on 30-year-old virgins still gets hits almost every day from curious Googlers.
One of the aforementioned gentlemen wrote us a comment about his experience still collecting interest on his v-card (sorry, I know some of you hate that term :-x)
There are another group of us, and albeit a tiny group (pun intended) we do exist.Some of us have tiny penises, and/or other body issues. I believe I am not attractive enough to be naked in front of a woman. Even if I was, I have a small penis which I'd be embarrassed about.This is not something I talk about or share openly(hoping this stays anonymous!). Women do not find me attractive so avoiding the embarrassing situations has been quite easy.While I do crave a sexual relationship with a woman, I've come to accept it won't happen. I have a great career, lots of interests, friends and a full life otherwise, this helps me not dwell on the situation too often (an exception is right now).Ironically I have quite a few female friends, so I know I am not socially awkward enough to scare them away, however I purposefully get in the friendzone to avoid any potential sexual tension. I considered if I was gay, but after thinking about it, I'm not. That may have opened another set of problems anyways! Also my tastes in woman are far too high. I am only attracted to what I am attracted to, but there is no way I could get what I find attractive.So I could try and get over my body image issues and pursue a woman, but I just don't have faith it'd work? So why try? I know that's a bad outlook. But I hear from dating people all the drama etc, and my life seems much more manageable.I'll stick to occasional porn watching and go on with my life -30yr old Virgin in CaliIn your opinion, is being a virgin at 30 reason to be embarrassed or is it commendable? What advice would you give our commenter?
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Comments (88)
eharmony buddy. eharmony.
The only thing you shall be embarrassed is being embarrassed about yourself. Gene546
I think he needs to stop being so down about himself. Have some confidence. I mean, I feel bad...but you can only help yourself.
I hope a girl comes along for him.
There are enough smart, beautiful, respectable women out there that would give a guy like him a chance. Yes, it could be harder for him than other men to get these women but they are out there. In my opinion, if a guy is comfortable with himself, he becomes much sexier than he may actually be if judging by the things that he may feel are important. It's his choice if he doesn't want to risk the hurt and just stick to porn but it doesn't have to be that way.
I think there's too much of a premium put on sex by society. If this person is okay with being a virgin, that should be okay for everyone else. Some may not want this lifestyle but that doesn't mean that it's a bad way to live. Maybe a woman will come his way. He may want to consider just trying to date instead of friend zoning every woman he meets.
Indeed. Self-esteem. I'd do that first.
There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. And there's nothing wrong with having a sexual relationship. It's whatever works for you. If one day, you absolutely decide that you would like a sexual relationship, you'd work on your self-image problems.
But I would advocate doing that anyway, just because it could do you a world of good outside the bedroom as well as in it.
In other words, do what you want to do. It'll all work out if you live life without regret.
to be honest woman are more attracted to confidence. picture a club or a party scene real quick. would a woman notice the shy quiet guy who seems unsure of himself OR the confident one who knows what he wants . confidence shows. appearance really has little to nothing to do with it. i know men who are extremely unattractive, but are players. why? because they are really outgoing and out there. women notice that.
There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. In fact, in many cases I find it very commendable. I am a 19-year-old virgin and proud of it. I know that I am attractive to guys (at least that's what they've told me), and I've had several guys try to kiss me or admit that they wanted to. On that note, I haven't been kissed either. I think that kissing is something that is quite intimate and should be done with caution.
I plan on being a virgin until I get married,however long that may be (if it happens at all).
plus it wouldnt help this man by posting a blog online somewhere on google with the rest of these guys. if you feel something needs work on your body, do something about it. you really cant feel sorry for someone who doesnt put an effort into helping themselves. hit a gym, diet, something. a great body will help build that confidence he lacks.
LOLLLLLLLL
stick to my porn watching..hahahahah
It's nothing to respect if it isnt their choice. That commenter says he craves a sexual relationship but he just accepts that it wont happen.
I mean, if you actually choose to remain a virgin until marriage/whatever then yea, I totally respect that will power.
But it's nothing to be embarrassed about either.
I just feel bad he's missing out on something so wonderful. Sex defies everything.
How sad that this guy doesn't have enough faith in love to find a woman who loves him for who he is and not what he looks like naked. It's one thing to be a little insecure, but to deny himself a loving relationship with someone because of it is not healthy. If that's the only reason he doesn't want to have sex, he should see a therapist. Or something.
But no matter what the reason, no, I don't think virginity is something to be embarrassed about, regardless of age. In a world where virginity is perceived as a stigma, it's refreshing to hear about people whose lives don't revolve around sex, who are happy and healthy without it. I know it's a natural instinct to want to but the number of people I know who literally can't picture their lives without sex is quite sad.
A person's sexual experience (or lack thereof) should not be something to be embarrassed about. To each their own. However, his defeatist attitude is a bit of a turnoff for me. Plenty of unattractive people find relationships. I'm totally cool with the virgin thing. I'm just not cool with his attitude. It's a self-fulfilling prophesy: he believes he won't find a woman, so he acts as if he won't, so then he doesn't.
It's one thing if you honestly don't want a relationship. But convincing yourself you don't want one because you don't believe you can have one is a whole different animal.
Actually, he will never know the outcome if he doesn't try. He can think about all the negativity about himself, but he can not judge other people's view on him. Why is he so afraid to take a step toward a relationship? Since a 30-year-old virgin (especially male) is hard to find nowadays, I commend him for that. However, everyone has a sense of self-consciousness, so don't be too harsh on yourself. It's better to try than to have regrets for the rest of your life!
I was watchin something on tv the other night about a guy who was a thirty year old virgin, but he was bout 400 pounds overweight at one point in his life. Now though, he is thin, even had some surgery to remove the excess skin. All the while these people were trying to help him with self esteem and confidence and dating classes, I felt sad for him. I wasn't sure if I was sad because of the way he was treated by other people, or if I was sad that he cared so little about it until he reached a weight that might kill him. I dont know, Hmmmm!
I think that it depends on the reason as to whether it's embarrassing or commendable. If they're a virgin because they're waiting (not because of low self esteem and second guessing themselves) then that's commendable. If they're a virgin because they think they aren't good enough for somebody, then yeah, I'd say that's embarrassing. Now, I'm not saying the fact they're a virgin is the embarrassing part. I'm saying it would be embarrassing for them to be holding themselves back like that.
he doesnt actually seem proud of it though. it just sounds sort of sad to me. penis size shouldnt matter so much that you should be ashamed to put yourself out there at all; and. idk. its true, women do find confidence most attractive. also - everyone gets rejected, usually way more often than a happy date experience, especially the first couple times. i guess avoid the pain, but lose out on the joy.
i mean its his choice, its anyone's choice - i'm just sad because he doesnt actually seem happy with it - more like "settling."
Being a virgin at 30 is nothing to be embarrassed about, at all. I'm sick of seeing people get down about being a virgin at whatever age they are just because others aren't/weren't. People will find what they need to find in life when they find it; we all won't follow the same path and it's wrong for society to push the idea that we should assume that.
His self esteem and body image issues are something else, though. On one hand, it would be excellent if this man could find someone who could make him feel good about himself and become more confident in who he is and how he looks. On the other, he shouldn't have to settle with someone he doesn't feel attracted to. He should get out there and give it a shot - the worst thing that could happen is that ladies say "no", and probably not even for the reasons he's assuming. We'll all get shot down at one point or another. He and others in the same/similar boat can't hide from it forever.
There's nothing embarrassing about being a virgin so long as it is a choice one makes. However in this case, virginity is kept only because he isnt confident about himself. he refrains himself from dating and all things that come with it because he is used to his manageable life. Unless he puts trust in himself, he won't find a woman who will be attracted to him - and one that he will find attractive. the very first thing women notice isnt the size of the penis, it is the confidence a man has in himself. if he has a nice career, then he's more likely to find a partner. he's 30 and hasnt grown up. he should leave his porn to his comfort zone and go out to find someone who can be his own pornstar. haha.
Every person has his/her own unique set of values. What is important for one person is not for another. Believe it or not, there are women out there who don't value the size of certain manly parts so much as how they value other more intangible things, such as how well that person may make one laugh or how much one has in common with the other. I used to feel self-conscious about my lack of attractive-looking features, but that was many years ago, and I honestly can care less about how I look now as long as I'm healthy and free of pimples (because they are the bain of my existence, lol). If I could change my hair and make it longer and less frizzy or make my teeth just a bit straighter or make my boobs a tad larger, I sure would if there were a genie who could do it with a little dose of magic. But even if I had all the money in the world, I wouldn't go under the knife (not that it's bad, but it's not for me) because I don't think it's worth all that pain and hassle. I like the me right now BECAUSE I am able to like myself and be confident in all that is myself.
Before I ramble over the edge of a cliff, my point is that there are people out there both male and female who value other things more than the size of one's boobs or more than the size of a penis. Yeah, can you believe it??? (And thank god, says The Boobless Girl). I believe that shallow people find happiness with other shallow people, and those who are a tad bit wiser will find happiness with the ones who understand them as well. Besides, isn't genuine love supposed to go beyond just sex and body parts? (Btw, the answer is YES, it's supposed to).
As long as you're not a sociopath, just be you. You'll always have aspects of yourself that you will want to improve (again, mostly personality-wise, not physically) but you need to love yourself before you can think of loving another person. Cliched, but true. Good luck, dude!
Confidence is king really, so i notice. Its like, use confidence first. I lost my virginity at 15 in a special relationship, my first real one =) but in reality its not a big deal when or where you loose it. If you are horny, but extraordinarily scared, here is an answer:
Get a black ski mask, don that, and get an escort. Problem solved.it doesn't seem like he wants to be a virgin, so it's not really commendable that he stayed one. it really is important to have confidence, though. i don't know why i'm giving advice, since ive never had sex therefore wouldn't know whether size matters.
what about the motion of the ocean?
I don't think its anything to be embarrassed or ashamed of, honestly. Society has set a stupidass standard.