Sunday, 19 July 2009
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Listless Love?
I feel like the more I try to get him to notice me, and the harder I try to get some affection from him, and the more I want his attention, the more worthless I feel. I can put three days' straight worth of effort into his love and attention yet day in and day out I get blown off. Does this mean he doesn't love me? Or that I love him too much? Could this mean that I'm simply the most insecure creature walking this earth? Or that he's rather unaffectionate? He tells me he loves me. He looks me in the eyes and tells me he loves me. Yet his actions speak much louder than his words these days....
If only he knew I'm carrying our future with me now.... =/
---Here's to thinking....
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About the Author
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- From: backwards_thinking@xanga
- Name: backwards_thinking
- About Me: Here's to thinking...
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 1020 Comments: 0 26 View all posts by backwards_thinking@xanga
Comments (26)
The more you let him make you worthless, the more worthless you really do become. Reclaim your own self-worth and stop putting him up on a pedestal. He's a guy. Lots of good in there, lots of bad in there. Just like you. Nothing more, nothing less. Treat him as you think he deserves to be treated - don't expect him to give you extra special attention just because you're treating him extra special nice. Once you take him off the pedestal and stop sucking up to him so much, he'll start treating you with a bit more respect.
Okay. Are you preggo? Or did I interpret that second to last line incorrectly?
Actions speak louder than words. Talk to him about this, but if nothing changes and you're not happy with how he's treating you or reciprocating/not reciprocating your gestures, it's time to move on.There is someone out there who is able to show you the way you want to be shown, don't worry.
Check this out;
- Why are you going out of your way to get his attention?
Most likely, you're having a issue of misinterpretation. How come you aren't just being yourself? Isn't that who he fell for? I think if you tried that, your chances of getting his attention/affection, will rise a bit. Which is probably why you feel useless when you do all of those things, and get nothing for it.
- You don't love too much
It sounds like you're looking more for security. You're doing things to get his attention b/c you need to feel loved, but don't want to flat out ask him for it, for (Insert reason here:____________________). So you put all of this effort in, hoping he'll notice and show you appreciation and affection, and make you feel more secure about your position.
You could always try telling him you don't feel secure in where you stand with him.
Try talking about it; it definitely sounds like there's a misinterpretation floating around.
If that isn't found, you'll only have more and more miscommunication between you two.
Which also implies that b/c he doesn't react to, or notice something you do, doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
You just expect for your love to be delivered in a certain manner. Talk to him! Give it a shot :)
Tell him that you are feeling unappreciated. Maybe he just doesn't realize that you're putting so much effort into it. People can be a little bit blind. Believe me, my hubby is all the time!
@Super___Connected@xanga - i interpreted it as that too..
but i`m kinda going through the same thing right now.. and i also dont know what to think
@Simply_Cynical@xanga - Bravo, took the words and slapped 'em in here before me. Thanks for saving me time XD
Don't be too clingy and needy, no matter how much you feel that you need him.
Talk to him about it. It could just be that he's a guy and you're a girl so he doesn't speak his mind and show as much affection as you'd like him to just because that's how it goes. But don't drive yourself insane by not knowing. Just ask him what's up.
"At the end of the day," don't forget about you. You don't need the dude in order to survive. Don't lose yourself!
Tell him directly you need more loving, affectionate behavior. This post is really vague and wispy. If you're pregnant, it's not the time for vague and wispy. It's really more like the time for action.
so he's one of those unaffectionate types...that doesn't automatically mean he doesn't love you...you should probably talk to him...about everything
if you really posted on xanga that you're pregnant before telling the father, wow.
don't even know what to say.
@Super___Connected@xanga - I thought that at first, and I agree with what you said.
you should talk to him, and that you are pregnant. wtf, talk, NOW! about your issues!
It's a little petty to be insecure about how much amorous attention he fawns on you now that you have a child. That little headline should perk him right up, don't you think?
Action speaks louder than words.
You should never put your happiness and love dependency on someone. You should be able to be happy without anyone. You should be able to love yourself without anyone. When you depend on those or anything on someone, it's hard to pick yourself up and rely on yourself at the end.
Instead of trying to make him notice you, care for you, love you.. communicate with him and try to find ways to solve both of your issues.
like many others, I also think you're pregnant.. which even makes talking to this guy more important than ever! Jst let him know what you feel and dealing with.. and hopefully, he'll reciprocate back and stuff... Goodluck!
talk.to.him.
Well, without a lot of background and being so cryptic, its hard to give any advice. The only thing I have is the tride and true one everyone is saying: Talk to him.
If your pregnant, the situation right now is going to feel exacerbated. Hormones suck in this way. But sit the man down and say "I feel like I need a bit more one on one attention from you lately, can we carve out some time for just us?". Then give him the benefit of the doubt because my guess is that he probably doesn't realize you feel neglected.
Depending on how life is at the moment for the two you seperately and together, its probably him wanting to do things on his own to relax and assumes you want the same and you wanting to do things together to relax and wonder why he doesn't want the same. We are wired differently and have different needs. Unless you share what you need from him, he'll assume you're okay.
Good luck!
You're really insecure. Either that or he treats you like crap and you know it but you're willing to put up with it. Good luck in either regards and I'm sorry that you're one of many women, myself included, who have/had to deal with this treatment only because we couldn't see our worth to begin with.
i think you're really hormonal and that may be the overdose of your insecurity issues.
talk to him about your "future" you're carrying.... it might wake him up and help him make a decision one way or another.
and if he says he loves you, he loves you. don't keep making yourself feel worthless by keep hounding over him. i think sometimes, we keep craving for more and more. unfortunately, too much of ANYTHING (good or bad) is not a good thing. g'luck
ha. i know how you feel. expect, i didn't get all "i love him more than he loves me." i like to think that we both love each other on the same level.
after a few fights about him and me not being the same with each other. we realize that we both feel unappreciated from the other one. ha.
talk to him and express how you feel.
xo
Really try to talk it out with him. Especially if you're carrying his child.
@FireMapleSong@xanga - damn couldn't have said it better!
I feel EXACTLY the same. I try everything and i think i'm playing all the right cards. Where am I going wrong? Does he just not like me? what?! I am SO frustrated. He has no idea what he means to me. Let me know what happens or what you decide to do !
xo
You need to give this guy some space or you are going to lose him. First off, try not being so affectionate and put it on him to initiate. Maybe a 'hello' kiss when you first see him, but then just kind of lay low and see if he steps up. He will love you a lot more if you do not initiate everything. Then after he has taken the step, then surpise him every now and then.
Also, as others have mentioned, work on your own self esteem. Love yourself more and have friends that you do things with, not just with him.
Take care.