Sunday, 19 July 2009
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"We Have Nothing to Talk About" and other Lame Excuses.
Today would have been my 8 month mark in my relationship, except he broke things off with me three days ago. He and I had been together in school until mid-May, and had been doing long distance for 6 weeks, and only had 6 weeks to go before school started up again. His reasoning: "It was awkward when you visited me," "we have nothing to talk about," and "it's just not the same". 1. "It was awkward when you visited me" - I flew 900 miles to a city I've never been to before and was meeting/hanging out with new people the majority of the time! I'm shy when meeting new people - he knows this! However, he did say that all of his friends "loved" me.
2. "We have nothing to talk about" - Later that night, he called me three times. First time, I did not answer, but he left a sad voicemail asking me if I was okay and that he was worried for me. I picked up the other two times. The next day, he called again. We talked for two hours about everything and nothing all at once. I ended the conversation, and he said, "Wow it's been two hours!" and I said, "Yah, and I thought we had nothing to talk about." He replied, "Heh... I enjoyed talking to you today, I'll call you tomorrow."
3. "It's just not the same" - While ending things and calling me the next couple days, he told me: "No one cares more about you than I do" and the other usuals ( "you're gorgeous," "I'm so attracted to you," "I like you," and "you're my best friend"). If he still feels this way, and swears that this is hard on him too, then why is he ending things?
To top it all off, he is flying 900 miles in 3 weeks to come visit me. But, apparently, just as a friend?
I don't normally ask for help in these situations, but I need help. I want him back, but I just honestly have no idea what to think or do!
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Comments (50)
boys are dumb?
I'm thinking he liked some other girl and then when she didn't wanna get together with him, he came back to you OR maybe he really does want to be your friend... I've seen friends traveling hundreds of miles just to be with another friend. It's possible.
However, if he does want to get back together with you, I say you question how you feel about him first.
If I were you, I would be absolutely pissed.
Get angry, ask him what's up. Tell him it's time to talk it out.
Ha.
This sounds just like how one of my relationships ended. Except minus the 900 mile trips.
Every situation is different though.
It's probably just the end of the "honey moon" phase, and he's not feeling those butterfly in the stomach feelings and now he thinks that it's not "the same" anymore. True, it's not the same anymore, but that doesn't mean that it's not love.
I mean, goodluck.
To me, it sounds like he got a little insecure and was using excuses. I've noticed that when they don't really have an argument or a reason, boys will use our own words against us. Like where you said, "Yeah, I thought we had nothing to talk about." You were saying it in a complimentary way, and he takes it and uses it in a negative way. And yes, sometimes, boys are just dumb. Good luck on his visit to you...that sounds kind of awkward in itself!
Sounds like he's pretty emo.
Er, your boy is very confusing.
He makes no fucking sense at all. Your examples are fantastic: here's what he says, and then here's how he acts, which negates it completely.
This boy needs to be asked a big serious, "Dude, WTFF?"
"It's awkward" and "It's not the same" are totally unspecific. WHAT's awkward, WHAT's not the same. HOW? Anyway, I doubt he has answers to those questions, since he's talking to you in general-ese, but those are things I'd at least wonder about.
boys are stupid :(
Just dance.
Dancing solves everything.
D-BAG.
I would wonder what he is doing while you guys are broken up. That sounds like what my boyfriend said to me, but we ended up getting back together. During our time apart he got drunk and hooked up with several girls. I hope your guy isn't doing that same.
You should try to find out what @xpialadocious@xanga said. I agree with the WHATS awkward thing.
Call him out on it, and tell him that if he wants to be with you, he has to BE with you. There can't be some kind of a "convenience" thing going on. He has to be Srs Bsns. And that's "Serious Business" for those who don't know. But really, he needs to be motivated to realize that his own actions are shedding that kind of light on your relationship.
my boyfriend has done the same thing to me. we go to the same college. we've been together only 4 months. we've been apart since mid-may and have only seen one another twice. i drove four hours away to visit him. and he has been here once. we just broke up last night. everything seemed fine when we were together, and just all of a sudden he broke it off and was so angry for whatever reason. it's really hard to be dealing with long distance. this is what is making them do this. sometimes girls will have the utmost dedication and do anything to make it work and put themselves out on a limb and the guy (although he cares) finds it hard to deal with things the way we are able. i don't think he loves you less. it's a matter of controlling ourselves differently and having different mind sets. i'm sure he just doesn't like the distance and being with someone and having to live with being in a relationship when the two of you aren't together to make it a relationship. long distance changes lots of things. it's hard, and not everyone can make it. he obviously still cares, so i hope you work things out.
my situation. we broke up last night and didn't talk for 18 hours and he contacted me. we aren't together again yet, but at least he came to me and wanted to talk, even if we haven't gotten to the serious talk about us yet. i'm hoping it works out for the both of us..
good luck, girl! after all, i have four weeks til i'm back at school. and you have six. maybe we can tough it out until then.
Sounds like he's met someone else. What stupid lines in #3. You can't shower someone with compliments like that and then leave them. Anyway, long distance is hard. I had a terrible long distance relationship, and while I do think that your guy might have met someone else, some of his reasons might still be true. Being away from someone for so long, no matter how long you've been together, does change things. He probably does still care about you a lot, but without you being around all the time, he won't be thinking about you all the time and that opens up lots of doors.
I hope it all works out for the best for YOU!
@MilkyWhitesezMoo@xanga - @ordinary_gir1@xanga - We are not! We're just complicated ourselves SOMETIMES. Hell, once every blue moon.
Let me be honest here, I came out of a situation nearly the same as that one. Except without the whole long distance thing. I realize that it probably is confusing for you right now and I imagine it would be. But we have our own reasoning for these things and somehow we decide that handling it a certain way may be the best. It may not make sense to you if we were to explain it, but it does to us.
However I do agree that there is a possibility he could've liked someone else.
Maybe he was just trying to stop from making you hurt? I did this with an ex and then it turned out horrible. She still liked me, much like you do your ex, and it just didn't help that she kept bringing up old memories making me feel bad everytime I heard/read something about it. It came to the point where I don't even really want to talk to her anymore despite my promise to remain friends.
I wish you better luck with whatever you're doing and hopefully it turns out better for you than it did me.
maybe he's not that into you
@be_eager@xanga - Now, now. The girl in a long distance relationship can have just as much trouble as the guy. It's entirely possible for the guy to be the "utmost dedicated" one, also. Not attacking you, but let's be fair here. :P
I feel like something's missing with this story. If he really did and said everything you said within a month's timeframe of breaking up with you, I feel like....maybe he's doing something else or hiding something. Because you're right. It doesn't make sense.
I suggest you ask him. I wouldn't fight to get him back though- you sound great. And if he can't recognize that or is hiding something else and just actingl ike he can't recognize that, isn't that his problem? why must you fight?
Long distance relationships wreak havoc on the bond you two might have had together. With me and my ex, one of the things that led to the end of our relationship was miscommunication and it was especially hard to have conversations when all of a sudden in the middle one of us would get angry for no reason, only to find out later it was because we misunderstood each other.
So much more than words goes into communication, and if you have your SO close to you, don't take this for granted. Treasure every moment together because you'll need every bit of that to reflect on when you are, what feels to be, a bajillion miles apart. Like I said, it's more than words. He may be feeling underappreciated, It could be alot of things.
On the other hand it could be other stuff I didn't touch on. I would be lothe to try and analyze this any further without knowing what he has to say on the subject first.
On a separate note: for every girl here saying he's nothing but a D-BAG or whatever name-calling you little teen girls do to make yourselves feel better, you have no idea how hard it is sometimes for us to keep you happy and at the same time stay happy ourselves. It's a surprise that more guys don't give up sooner because it often times doesn't feel like an equal partnership. That's not to say that is in every relationship, but from what I have seen in the demise of relationships is that is very often the case.
You have to talk to him about it. Really.
Does he think maintaining a LDR is difficult and doesn't believe he can do it? Well....he is flying to see you in three weeks, so think about the things you want to say to him. You can even show him this blog or use it toward your conversation. You guys need to talk, since it seems like an "out of the blue breakup."
@splitsecondshot@xanga - yeah but i mean . dk- bad approach. i really think the best way is to say just look, it's better for us to end it now, we're never going to work out as a couple, even though we had some great times - can remain friends, but we need to have at least 3 months of silence between us.
if you act like you're "not sure" or shit ... you're just going to make a big effing mess. like my ex bf did when it almost went LDR
(also i didnt really mean boys are really dumb ... was just joshing. just to clarify!)
Maybe he still does like you, however he might like some other girl as well. If he keeps in contact with you the way he is doing making sure you are on his good side then you cant hold him liable for the things he does while away because technically you are friends. Say he comes over and he doesnt acclaim the title of boyfriend but you allow him to be your friend with benefits......when he goes away he is still free to roam the earth without that guilty conscience. .....you know like he loves you but he likes her......n yes thats a possibility.....but i could be royally wrong........so best i could say is ask him whatson your mind n try to get things clear.....best of wishes!