I've got this theory that the best relationships are the ones that welcome third wheels. I'm not the only one who's been there before, right? What do you do when the couple starts to turn all lovey-dovey? I instantly turn my gaze away, then search the room looking for something to stare at instead. Or how about when they start talking about something that doesn't relate to you, and go on talking about it for the next 10 minutes? If possible, I tend to gracefully sneak out of the room so they can continue their conversation without me. Sometimes the couple doesn't even have to do anything to make the third wheel feel out of place. Just the fact that there are only three people present (with two of them in a romantic relationship) is enough to stir up feelings of distress or uneasiness.
Have you ever met a couple that you could get along with, even if you were in a romantic setting with only the three of you? I think these are the most awesome couples ever.
These are the couples that you call by both of their first names, instead of referring to them as [friend] and [friend's boyfriend/girlfriend]. They share the same friends and are mature enough to hang out with others instead of spending every hour of the day alone with each other. Here's my theory - if third wheels are welcome to hang out with you AND your significant other, that's a sign of a good relationship.
I can come up with three main reasons:
1. You are able to balance your time between friends and your partner. Easy way to do this is to hang out with both at once!
2. Your partner gets along with your friends, and vice versa. Definitely something to strive for... it makes life so much easier when everybody gets along. =]
3. Both you and your partner are tactful when around others.It's awesome when a couple knows how to act around others so that their friends don't feel uncomfortable.
What do you think? Do you and your partner welcome third wheels? Have you ever been the third wheel?
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Comments (33)
Third wheels suck.
Don't be a third wheel.
I've been the third wheel before and it was annoying. I went along cuz she felt kindof uncomfortable for some odd reason, but after five minutes passed... they wouldn't keep their hands off of each other. and BAM, I was right next to them. It was awkward and weird..
My current boyfriend and I used to be like this, up until we had a huge fight two or three weeks ago. The problem? We started hanging out with our friends ALL the time, and never got any alone time together. We ended up becoming more and more like friends, and less and less like boyfriend/girlfriend and it ended up driving me nuts because I wasn't even sure if he liked me like he used to.
It's all about balance. :)
depends on the couple really. but it sucks to be a third wheel. i do not hang out with my girl friends whenever they are with their boyfriends. you and your friends can still have a healthy relationship without you being a third wheel. there are other ocassions when you can hang out with your friend, her boyfriends and your other friends. as mentioned by innocentsecret, it's all about balance. as a person, you have responsibilities to your partner and to your friends as well. :)
I used to be a 3rd wheel in college.. I was very good friends with a couple, and I was always the 3rd wheel but honestly I didn't feel like a 3rd wheel all the time. There were a few awkward times when they would argue & I would just be in the room or wherever & try to stay silent.. but they didn't like when I was silent, either. Needless to say, I don't talk to them anymore & they broke up quiet a few years ago.
I did have a crush on the guy but it went away, & before they started dating my friend asked me if it was okay to date him (which I thought was really nice!) bc I knew nothing was going to happen.
I have been the 3rd wheel, but I wouldn't recommend it.. even with 3 friends & 2 are closer than the other- sometimes it gets really awkward too.
my boyfriend and i always welcome third wheels. we definitely set aside time for just the two of us, but we also have plenty of time to hang out with our friends as well, including just one individual at a time, hence the "third wheel." We have an amazing relationship, so I totally agree with this post! Great realization! =)
Third wheels aren't fun! D: I'm in a relationship, and when we're around a friend [and it's an odd number], we usually make sure to tone down the lovey-dovey stuff because I know if I were in their position, I wouldn't want to be there all awkward.
I used to have a "friend" who was ALWAYS the third wheel, he never got that we didn't always want him tagging along. He never had a girlfriend, so he always went with my boyfriend and I or other friends always making for an ODD number. He also never knew when to leave or not go at all. He once tagged along to a Kelly Clarkson show. He was also so quiet that he barely talked, so there was NO CHANCE of him talking to anyone new. At parties he only talked to people he knew and spoke so quiet most of the time we had no idea what he said. He just made it awkward.
Now if it's the occasional hanging out with one couple and a friend that is either single or just minus their partner for that event, most of the time it works out fine in my group. Couples know how not to make the third person feel weird,
The only time being the third wheel isn't uncomfortable is when the half of the couple you are not as close with treats you like a normal person - they're not hitting on you or threatened by you (at least, not letting on that they are!).
Recently one of my best friends started dating this woman we work with and when we three were together, he and I were fine, but she always seemed to act like I was a giant problem! Which was weird considering she knew full well I want nothing to do with him in a sexual or romantic way!
But when you have couple friends who don't make you feel like you're a giant problem - they act normal (cause there's no reason not to!), and treat you like a person, then everything is just stupendous! I love having couple friends just as much as I love having single friends! I love it when they don't make me feel awkward!
I just went to Warped Tour this past weekend and it was a third wheel situation. But hey, no awkwardness and it was awesome!
As I was reading this, "I Got You Babe" started playing, but that's beside the point. I don't have to worry about being the third wheel in my one friendship. I more likely have to worry about being left in the garage to rot, or in other words, I have to worry about being forgotten for the sake of his newest relationship.
Hmm....you have an interesting theory, but the "third wheel" will always feel uncomfortable. Of course, as a couple, my bf and I know how to act around our friends, but there are times when you just have more to say to each other and want more time alone with each other. I mean, a couple in a relationship will pay more attention to each other's needs and the "third wheel" will feel left out somehow; it's just a feeling the "third" person gets when he/she is in between a couple. If you think about it, if a couple welcomes a "third wheel," then it would just be considered hanging out with friends, not dating.
Plus, there is also the incident where the couple depends on the "third wheel" to keep their conversation going. Sometimes when couples are alone, they don't feel that connection (this is from Scrubs when Turk and Carla realize they couldn't conversate without JD around).
While I agree that a healthy relationship requires a balance of alone time and friends time, I do not agree with your "third wheel" theory. I think that if you really want to hang out with friends, then go out with more friends (a couple and at least 2 other people), so that instead of staring into space/leaving the room during "couple moments," you will have someone to talk to so you can comfortably ignore the couple. Also, an even better set-up would be to have a double date or group date, where the couples can interact with their SO and have friends time. This method is much more fun than "leaving a third wheel" hanging in the middle of a couple.
i HATE being the third wheel. nothing makes me resent my love life more than seeing a lovey dovey couple be loveu dovey.
with that said, you make a good point about healthy relationships.
Those are amazing couples! I hope that when I'm in a relationship, I'll be like that.
There are a few couples I know like that, but not very many. And you're right, they always have really good relationships. I never, ever feel awkward hanging out with them. Other couples, however, make things super awkward for me, so I try to avoid hanging out with them.
I hate being a third wheel. There were times when I just wanted to leave them this couple alone and go straight home. So when there is a third wheel around, my boyfriend and I just hold hands. Nothing more.
I've been a "third wheel" a couple of times. It was entertaining. There are so many things third wheels can do to make things interesting for themselves - from making gagging noises and screaming "Oh, my eyes! My eyes! The goggles - they do not protect!!" to wag their eyebrows in a dirty and very meaningful way and say something about sandwiches, meatball subs, and other edible things. I never felt bad for doing that. If they don't mind making out in front of me, then they should deal with the fact that I will be entertaining myself at their expense. If done right, everyone can enjoy it.
Well, before me and my boyfriend got together, we were best friends and had the same friend group. :D That friend group is still intact, and whenever we hang out with a third wheel, or even with the whole group of friends, we keep the PDA and couple-y-ness waaaaay on the down low. In fact, we usually just revert back to friend behaviour, except for maybe holding hands or something.
If a third wheel felt uncomfortable, I would automatically feel uncomfortable too. O.o
i think my relationship is very third-wheel friendly. we hang out with a third a lot! and i don't think it's awkward at all. if we're with another person, the most couple-y thing we'll do is hold hands.
i want to be like that :) i try to be like that
I officially hate couples who make out or do anything when there is a "third wheel" around. I am anti-PDA for the most part. A peck is okay, holding hands / hugging, GO FOR IT, but I don't want to see you stick your fucking tongue down his throat in front of me, and I doubt anyone else does either. Keep that shit in the bedroom.
But back to the main topic... My boyfriend and I are very welcome to "third wheelers" and we are never lovey dovey in front of them. Or even worse: the dreaded couple's argument while you're the third wheel. Most awkward situations everrrrr. =\
My ex and I would invite our friends to dinner w/ us or whatever. It was never awkward, I guess because we had met eachothers friends BEFORE we were together, so we all had established a friendship with everyone, and then he and I got together so it wasn't weird.
generally I don't think anyone would want to be a third wheel, and if my gf doesn't mind, then I don't think I would mind either.
I personally don't think it's great to ever be a third wheel. I didn't start dating until 22ish so my good friends would include me in their outings...however, being the third wheel didn't feel too good. Even though they never were overly affectionate with bfs, I still felt uncomfortable as if I was intruding. A group date is much better if you want to include the SOs and the friends.
i'm a third wheel with my best friend everytime her boyfriend's around because he throws a huge fit if her attention's not on him at all times. ugh. it's so annoying. what's worse? he's 18. and she's 15. 18?! freaking mature already.
When we first started dating, my husband-to-be was very affectionate a whole lot of the time. It was so hard to restrain ourselves that making any of our poor friends go third-wheeling was strictly off-limits, at least in my mind. I would leave when his friends arrived just so they wouldn't feel uncomfortable. He stayed when my friends were around to watch things though, though, and they complained to me later sometimes if it got too "cuddly," with him putting both his arms around me and cuddling up close to me with the occasional kiss, etc. Now that we're married, my friends all say it's much better. Probably because we don't feel the need to touch each other as much because we actually have time by ourselves and all that sexual tension has lifted. Our friends say they don't feel awkward around us anymore, which is good.