Saturday, 18 July 2009
-
The Honeymoon Phase
My SO and I got into an argument the other week. It wasn't anything serious, but as usual, I was upset that she was frustrated with me. Being an LDR, she basically cut me off when she left the house and I was a little nervous about contacting her when she got back since I didn't know if she was still sore about it.While she was gone, I spoke to a friend of hers about the situation, seeking advice. The friend gently told me that she agreed with my SO, and that I was being a little stubborn. She offered me some tips on how to make the situation better. I thanked her, and was bout to say goodbye, when she started laughing. "You guys are too cute!" she said, "Still in the honeymoon phase... I remember that."
Perplexed, I asked her to clarify. I knew what the "phase" was, but wanted to know what prompted her to mention it. "Well, it's like when me and [her BF] started dating. Always falling over ourselves to make each other happy after an argument... hehe." I thanked her again and went about my business, now a little more thoughtful.
I'd been thinking about the idea a lot recently, so her friend's comment was pretty timely. I've been sort of hoping we're out of that part of the relationship, and into the "mature, comfortable phase", to quote a previous Datingish post. Why? Well, I'd like to think that our feelings at this point are founded in a stable, healthy relationship, and not just hormones; that I can think about our future together and smile, because it's plausible, and not because I'm head-over-heels.
I'd always thought the "honeymoon phase" was rooted more in the idea of putting your partner on a pedestal of sorts, failing to see his/her flaws, and getting lost in emotion. I see my girlfriend's flaws just fine, and respect them as making her who she is. We get into fights a bit more than we should, but tend to handle them fairly well. As far as getting lost in emotion, the two of us had a serious talk not too long ago because she felt the passion was fading. We worked together to improve it.
Is her friend right? Could I still be in the lovey-dovey phase and not realize it? Please share your experiences, too!
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: anonymish
- About Me: This post was submitted by a Datingish reader who wanted to remain anonymous. You can submit your own anonymous post at www.datingish.com/submit-post - just make sure you let us know you wouldn't like to have your username displayed!
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 227 Views: 0 543096 Comments: 0 13046 View all posts by anonymish
Comments (20)
!! i like this post because i was telling a co-worker about my (so-far) year relationship and another coworker i've had a few conversations with here and there just interjected "oh yeah they're still in the honeymoon phase"
i'm sorry but i feel that that is very rude; we have had our problems, we recognize each others flaws, we're generally a realistic couple that happens to be in love - also, we had been best friends for 5 years before we even kissed. we talk about things that bother us very openly not just "do whatever it takes" to solve the problem in the moment. and our issues aren't over little stupid petty things either. idk. i wonder how long you have to be dating to be taken seriously as a couple
I think that "honeymoon phase" has really lost any sense of meaning; every time I hear it it seems to mean something a bit different. The major thing that seems consistent is that a couple is supposed to be having quite a bit of sex or other affectionate contact. That's the only thing that has remained constant in all the different usages of "honeymoon phase" that I've ever heard. Emotion instead of maturity? I don't think that holds up. Long-duration versus quicker, more temporary? I also don't think that holds up.
So basically, because the term is practically useless in terms of "what" it means, I guess all I can say is that if you guys are thinking long-term and clearly seeing each other's flaws and have seen some flagging passion, you're probably past the "honeymoon phase," although I don't this either means or should mean that you're past affection.
I also, on contact, don't like the idea that one FIRST has a "honeymoon" and THEN turns "mature." That's shallow and I'm going to go tell the poster so, RIGHT now.
You could easily be in the honeymoon phase right now and simply not realize it. I went through the honeymoon phase as well, and I always thought I could put my head before my heart, but it took some retrospection to realize that my feelings always get the best of me.
I thought that I was thinking sensibly and had my head on straight, but, I don't know, when caring for just yourself transfers to caring for yourself and another, things get kinda strange. In my own experience, you may think you are doing something guided by your reason, but it may be influenced, to whatever extent, by your feelings. Idk, but maybe the same might apply to you.
I wouuldn't have been able to call it at the time, but yeah, I went through the honeymoon phase and couldn't really call shots as well as I can being single and lovey-dovey-feeling-free. Because I wrote everything down in my xanga, I was able to look back and kinda laugh at my naivety.
There's my two cents. I hope that offers you some insight. Honeymoon phase or not, good luck with your relationship!
Hm, I don't know much about the honeymoon phase.
I don't feel like I ever went through that with my relationship. We've both been pretty grounded since we've been together.
If you are, that's good, isn't it? You're enamored but like you said, you see her flaws so it isn't completely rose-colored-lenses. And if you are, but you don't see it as a good thing, just know that it does fade, so you'll eventually get to the "mature, comfortable phase", if you aren't there already. Seems win-win to me if this is what concerns you while you are in an LDR. Props to you for sticking with each other through the distance!
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years now, and we're definately in the "mature, comfortable" part of the relationship. In all honesty, I don't know if I like it. It's boring. Yes, I understand that when you're in the honeymoon phase it's puppydog love and you're head over heels with this other person. Your feelings might get the best of you, but at the same time, whenever you see that person, your stomach does back flips and you can't wait to get in their arms and waste the day away in that moment. For me and my boyfriend, I think that spark has died. Yes, it's a comfortable spark now; we can't live without eachother and we don't get in very many fights because we mesh perfectly. But, the romantic side has all but dwindled off; we don't dress up to go out that much (except for anniversarys and the like), and the sexual spark has faded (mind you, it's still there. We're just not all over eachother like we once were).
I guess my point is that you shouldn't worry about where your relationship is at the moment. Especially with technicalities like "are we still in the honeymoon phase?" Enjoy your relationship regardless of the phase your in, because in due time it'll change on its own, and you don't want to rush these things. Let your relationship take its course and enjoy every bit of it. :)
the honeymoon phase is awesome. i would never rush through it...
I guess we have been away from the honeymoon phase for a while, but we like to visit it often!
@Bunny_On_The_Fritz@xanga - i love ur response! i didnt even think about it like that.....but i totally agree....people are so wrapped up on labels and where they are they dont enjoy the moment. why would you wanna rush the honey moon phase anyway. its the happiest part of the relationship..and the funnest!!
I think the honeymoon phase fades after about a year. I've been with my guy for a 1.5 years, and we're out of it. It all just depends =) Enjoy it though!!
A rose by any other name! Who cares what "stage" you're in! Does a larva care about when exactly it becomes a pupa? No. (Yes, I just compared you to a pupa. How does that make you feel?)
Just enjoy what you have with your girlfriend, ride the ups and downs, and keep working at it. Relationships are work. As long as you're having fun and remember to love her with all you have, does it matter what you call it??
@Kyren_SkyRyder@xanga - haha, your comment amused me. I totally concur :)
I don't know whether or not you are still in the honeymoon phase, but I do believe the honeymoon phase doesn't just consist of you two putting each other on a pedestal and failing to see each other's flaws and being really affectionate but also about tripping over your own two feet, metaphorically speaking, to make it up to her when you make her mad (and vice versa). Every couple does this in the beginning of their relationship and it's okay; you're still getting situated and getting to know each other more in depth than that of just friends. You will get passed the honeymoon phase in all good time.
Every relationship is different, so there is no definite time that you should or shouldn't still be in a certain phase in a relationship. I personally don't believe in rushing, but I guess I can see where you 're coming from when it comes to wanting out of the honeymoon phase. However, I still feel you should enjoy what you've got already, I mean you're boyfriend and girlfriend, not just friends. I think that's progress in itself, taking into consideration the mutual feelings and everything else involved. You'll get there in all good time.
I think relationships need a balance of "the honey-moon phase" and the "mature-realistic phase" to be succesful relationships. You need some romantic spark and passion, and you also need ot be able to come home at the end of a hard day, talk to your SO and go to bed, and be okay, or even happy that that was all the interaction you had.
Relationships are about balance and i think its important to remember that.
@linguistic_nonsense@xanga - I agree with the "not rushing...all in good time" idea. People are in too biga hurry these days to get where they need to be. Meanwhile i know plenty of married couples who rushed the "honey-moon stage" and would give anything to get it back.
I love this post! My husband and I have been married for two years and
together for three. We are madly in love with each other and rarely
spend any time away from each other unless absolutely necessary (even
when we were dating). We are comfortable with each other. Know each
others' flaws. We still adore each other just as much as we did when we
began hanging out three years ago.
Many people find out that we have only been married for two years; they
say things like, "Oh, you're just newlyweds. Give it another eight
years and you won't be able to spend enough time apart." I really hope
that is not the case!
I recently talked to a friend of mine about this who has been married
for ten years. She said not to listen to these people. She and her
husband act just as they did when they were dating. And it is true. You
would never know they have been married for ten years if you just met
them.
I guess my point is, don't listen to these people! Relationships are
never the same across the board. They vary by couple. Some people
compliment each other more than others. And if the two of you are
willing to try to see things from the others' perspective, IMO is the
"mature, comfortable phase".
this really cleared up one thing about an email from my boyfriend (we are in a long distance relationship) when he told me that he thinks our honeymoon phase is not going to run out..so being born and growing up in the other side of the world (Philippines) I thought honeymoon was just the consummation of marriage, so I was asking him if we're going to consummate a marriage that has not happened yet...so I sort of thought about it that he might have meant a different thing..
@StarlitGoodbyes@xanga - umm judging by your profile picture im gonna have to say your probably wrong. everyone goes through a honeymoon phase. it has more to do with than just being grounded.
@OHNOEmmy@xanga - I'm not sure you can go and judge every relationship by a certain standard. And I'm quite surprised that you would judge me by nothing other than my profile picture. [Honestly, I had to go back to my comment just to see what my picture was even of. It's definitely not part of who I am.. it's something I found on google two years ago because I'm not comfortable with using a picture of myself.]
who knows about the "honey-moon phase." I stopped paying attention when you said,"While she was gone, I spoke to a friend of hers about the situation, seeking advice." Why were you talking to HER friend and not your friend. Does she know you call her friend up when you two have a problem? I had a boyfriend who did this. Would be pissed off at me, or pissed off at my family...so he would go to my best friend. I would call her to talk, and she'd tell me he was on the other line. One time he was pissed off (we were long distance at the time, and long story short i told him i couldnt do it anymore and he got upset) and didnt talk to me for over a week and when i called my best friend to talk to her he was on the other line. I got pissed off and told her to tell him to call me. She was like, he just needed someone who knows you to talk to him to help him understand. i know me, and i was being honest with him about why i wanted to break our engagement off. (he moved across the country because he just got out of the miltary and missed his family. he had no thoughts of moving back, and i didnt want to move there. there was no point in dragging it out when we both werent willing to give things up for the other.)
anyway. make sure shes ok with you getting advice from her friends.
and...it is what it is. if your relationship is out of the "honey-moon phase" and its growing and you love each other, then thats good! unless u dont want to be in a serious relationship.