My boyfriend and I have been dating for a combined time of 7 months. Now, I'm 18 years old and we have had sex, but it seems like every time we try to "do it" at his house, we get caught.
The first time we got caught, his mother was out for the day and she came home earlier than we had assumed. I tried to sneak out of the door in his room, but I wasn't fast enough and she saw both of us. She was FURIOUS. She told me to leave, but he told me to stay, so I stayed and apologized and everything was better.
The second time we got caught was last night, and let's just say it was a TOTAL disaster. His mom and dad went upstairs to go to bed. He, his friend and I were watching a movie when I got a text from him saying "Let's do it" So of course, we went to his room. But little did we know, my friend was on her way to pick me up. Well, long story short, his mom came down freaking out 'cause someone was here and found us in his bed. She was NOT happy one bit. She looked inside the room, saw me under the covers and walked out. He followed her and she said "Get her the f*** out of my house."
So I walked out of the room; she told me I was very disrespectful and expected more from me. I walked out of the house and into the car on that note. As of now, I'm in the process of writing her a note apologizing (I suck at face-to-face) and I don't know what to say or do now.
Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should say to her or what I should do about seeing my boyfriend?
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Comments (121)
Maybe you guys don't need to be having sex right now?
parents' house is a total no no for sex. idk why some ppl just dont get it
Yeah your parent's house is definitely not a good idea. Maybe you should wait until one of you moves out.
i've been in your situation before but it's been my parents yelling at me and not my gf for any affection in front of them. I think you should talk to your boyfriend about it. It's totally unfair for his parents to say that you're the disrespectful one when your boyfriend is equally guilty of choosing to do whatever whenever. It really shouldn't be pinned only on you. since he is their son, i think your boyfriend should be the one to be the bridge between you and his parents. Good luck!
@raiyaya@xanga - It depends, some parents care more then others.
My mother and father don't care that I am having sex--As long as I am being safe. They believe it is my body, and not theirs to control. Even if they tried to "control" what I do with my body, my parents figure that I would do it anyways (which I probably would), just without their knowledge, and could possibly be a lot less safe about it. My mother was even the one to buy me birth control.
I'd love to give you advice, but honestly, I have no idea what to say besides avoid messing around at your boyfriends house, and write a meaningful apology to his mother?
Like the others have said, I'd avoid doing it at all at his parents' house, especially after those two embarrassing incidents. Wait till you guys move out and then do it. If you really can't wait, try other places such as your home, car, etc. Don't do it at his parents' house again - you don't want to risk getting caught one more time.
Oh the double standard. Always the girl's fault. Ugh. Honestly, your boyfriend should have been the one in trouble for all this, not you. It's not his mother's place to yell at you.
Try your best to arrange to have your sexual encounters someplace else or be certain no one will be around to interrupt. The least you could do is make sure the details surrounding the event are really solid (unlike the incident last night). I understand how you don't want to just stop having sex because of this or wait to move out. I'm almost 21 and still living at home because that's all I can afford right now; if I had to wait until I moved out to have sex, well, I'd have been waiting a long time. The passenger's side of the car or abandoned park after dark are always great places to get it on, if you don't mind not having the comfort of a bed or the illegality of it all.
As far as what to write... I don't know. I always follow things to their logical ends, pointing things out very mathematically. What I would point out (if this isn't just an quick note merely saying that you're sorry, but also kind of explaining how you were found to be in that position to begin with) I'd mention the following:
- You're an adult, and of age to legally consent to sex
- You've been with him for the better part of a year already
- You're old enough to set your own moral standards for your life
- You're (presumably) educated enough to know exactly what you're doing and the consequences of your actions
- You are the only person who gets to decide what you do with your body, though she does have every right to decide what happens under her roof so to speak
Remember, it is her house, and she does have every right to set the rules there. Many parents think it is disrespectful for their children to be engaging in sexual activities in their house. My parents strictly forbade me to have sex in my house because it goes against their moral standards. I still do have sex in their house, because the park and the car get old after awhile, I can't afford a hotel, and am not *quite* yet ready to move out... but I understand their position regardless. I'm willing to stop completely if they were to confront me about it, but I doubt that day will ever happen because they're a million times more shy than I am.
late night parking lot
@isayhialot222@xanga - agreed.
lol. do it at the park, someone's truck, the beach, the park =)
I'd say, "Stop doing it at his parents' house."
Best advice I've got.
maybe you guys shouldn't have sex at the 'rents' house anymore. i say if you guys want to have sex, maybe go to a hotel and do it there or wait until one of you gets an apartment of their own and do it there.
1. Stop having sex at his house.
2. Stop apologizing to her if you intend to DO IT AGAIN. That makes the apology fucking fake. She'll never like you that way.
3. Find somewhere else to screw around; you're eighteen, get a freaking hotel room.
I've had sex in my boyfriend's parent's house as well so I can't be one to say, "oh how disrespectful, blah blah blah" (However, we're both 24 and have been dating for 4 years so imagine it is neither a surprise nor a huge deal to them by now) and we also did it only when they were away. But you should STOP having sex at his house completely to at least allow you time to try and patch things up with his mother (which, I hate to say this, but it's probably not going to work. You've completely shot yourself in the foot. As an older sister if I caught a girl more than once in my parents house screwing my brother, I would think she was a thoughtless whore and would try to destroy the relationship, so I can only imagine what she thinks of you).
Clearly you two were not thinking. If you are going to have sex go somewhere else or make damn sure his parents will be away for a long time...possibly an entire weekend. However, it'd be best not to sneak around and just stop doing at his house entirely (as I said earlier).
@xthread@xanga - It's BOTH of their fault. I'm sorry, but in this case I don't believe there is a gender-based double standard, it's more the fact that she's probably one of those parents who will blame others (aside from herself) for her childrens actions (or something of the sort). It's her son, so obviously she's going to get the impression that the girl is the whore (though she's probably aware of teenage boys and their hormones). If it was the other way around and it was a case of a boyfriend getting caught having sex at a girl's house then her mother would freak too (and on the boy) and probably in a much worse way; possibly assuming the guy is some sexual deviant who pressured her 'oh-so innocent' daughter into the act. The mom has every right to freak, her house and her son, regardless. But yes, as I said earlier he should've been yelled at too.
Uhh maybe you should stop messing around with your boyfriend ... especially when his parents are close by. Why not go to your house?
@pillowpixies@xanga - I agree. If you apologize to his mom only to be caught doing the same thing you just apologized for, she will not forgive you anytime soon.
Unless you're doing a scientific experiment with a hypothesis relating to how many times you can piss off his mom with the "oops we're having sex" trick, if it doesn't work the first couple of times, either stop it or try smarter.
Following this line of thought, I suggest either
1. Stop doing it at his house if you two are so bad with logistics regarding sex at his place.
Or
2. Next time you intend on having fun at his house, make sure none of the parents are home, all of the friends are out of the way, and set up tripwires at all of the main entrances and maybe have them ring a bell or release something that'll impede the parental unit progress or make it extremely obvious that you need to get out. (Yeah, I just suggested an anti-parental-intrusion Rube Goldberg machine.) And of course, have a quick alternate escape route planned and make sure you wear clothes that can be easily "adjusted".
#1 sounds like the easier plan to me.
@pillowpixies@xanga - best ADVICE ever !!!
theres so many places to screw around
Why his parents house ? especially when you got caught already*
SHouldnt you learn from your mistakes
getting caught twice - LOL now thats embarassing - so much for apologizing to his mom
Now his mom wont like you
Well here is my take on it... I know it's looked as disrespectful to be having sex under a parents roof when it's obvious they don't approve... but what would you rather have: your child doing sexy naughty things in your home or your child sneaking around who knows where?
My boyfriends parents have never really talked to either him or myself about sex but know we're both educated. We tend to "do it" in their house alot but thankfully his parents tend to knock and wait before opening the door and at my house my mom knows we do it, trusts me, and knows I'm not stupid enough to have sex unprotected therefore she allows it because she would rather know we're doing it in my house then out somewhere in public or in car or somewhere that if we got caught we could end up paying a nice hefty fine for it. Or even worse, arrested for indecent exposer or anything along those lines.
However, there really is not much you can say. For one you knew that she thought it was disrespectful so really there is not much more you can say in your letter besides that You apologize for taking advantage of the fact that they went to bed and disrespected her and her house. Both of you already knew from the first experience of her walking in that she did not want it going on in her house and I'd advise you to stick to doing it when you can garentee she will NOT be coming home soon and that no one is currently in the house, or just stick to your house.
@immaairheadxl@xanga - The beach is a very bad idea. Would you really want sand down there?
The fact that you're sleeping with her son is not the problem here. Having sex in her house is not disrespectful... What is disrespectful is that you both are fully aware that this has a problem with is (which was evident from the first bust). The first time was a mistake and you apologised and it would appear she got past it. BUT it's a slap in the face to continue with behaviour you know offends her - and in her own house... If your parents are cool with it - then stick to having sex at your place and leave that mom alone. Why should she accept your apology this time when your actions have shown you don't mean it. The best apology would be to respect her wishes and to stop having sex in her house.
You should probably consider abstaining. It's their house so it's their rules. Hopefully, though, his mother is not just yelling at you and blaming you for the action because your boyfriend is a big part of it, too.
I agree with a lot of these commenters.
Boyfriends fault too.
@AznFier@xanga - You've been replying to my comments.
It's okay though cus ur kinda cute.
Anyways, lol. the beach is not a bad idea. it's romantic sexy!