Tuesday, 14 July 2009
-
Does No One Care He's Taken?
My boyfriend and I are perfect for each other. He's everything I could ever want and more! We even love each other's flaws. We respect and think very highly of each other and give lots of support, love and care. There's so much more I could say, but it wouldn't be relevant to the problem I'm trying to get advice on.
We don't really have any problems with the relationship itself and all of the problems we do have are only problems with me. A total of three problems to deal with, but there is one I want to get over right now because it shouldn't be a problem at all. The problem: he's too popular!
Now, to explain how a guy can be too popular. We both prefer to just keep to ourselves and not really be bothered by anyone, since we don't really care that much what people think. However, I was quite happy being an outcast at our school. I kept under the radar and didn't attract much attention. He always seemed to get noticed whether he liked it or not. He never minded because hardly anything bothered him, but the point is that people seemed to flock to him, drawn in by his positive nature and "I don't care" attitude. He always drew attention just by being in a room, especially the attention of females.
Before we had gotten together seven months ago, he had been single for almost a year and a half. Lots of girls showed interest, but I was the only one that asked him out straight up rather than flirting and dropping hints. Once we got together the rumor spread rapidly that such a popular guy like him was dating someone like me. A skinny girl that was assumed not to be sexy because she wore conservative clothing whose name hardly anybody knew and who was rumored to be crazy and doesn't put out at all (the most desirable girls here are usually ones that "put out" more). It only bothered me a little that the only reason people even knew my name was because of the fact I was his girlfriend. Girls that he didn't even know liked him were suddenly asking why he chose me instead of them. Random girls I didn't even know would come up to me and ask if I was going out with him and then when I answered would just walk away. I quickly got over that, though.
What really bothered me was when these girls started making moves on him. They would brag about the qualities they had that were supposedly better than mine. "I'm sexier." "I'm more popular." "I have a better attitude." "If you date me people will like you more." "I'm more experienced in bed so I'm much better to have sex with." Then there are incidents where I'm with him and a girl in the room will be giving him looks that say that she'd be all over me if I wasn't there and that the moment I leave him alone she's gonna be after him. Girls that don't even know about me but know that he has a girlfriend still try to give him their number and get him to cheat on me or leave me for them. And the only reason I know this is because he tells me about these things.
Don't get me wrong, I am not at all worried about losing him to another girl. I have no worries at all about him leaving me or cheating on me. It bothers me because these girls have absolutely no respect for the fact that he's in a relationship and also that they are too cowardly to at least try to compete with me while I'm there. I would confront these girls, but I have no idea who they are and my boyfriend refuses to tell me saying that it shouldn't matter because he's just going to reject them. It's not about whether or not he rejects them, though. It's about the fact that they are making moves AT ALL. Not to say I think of him as property, but I am very possessive and he is MY man.
I have never seen any other girls dealing with this problem with their boyfriends. Generally they have a respect for someone being in a relationship for the most part and since it's high school and most relationships don't last anyway, they try to wait their turn. Also, if they wanted him that badly, then why didn't they just ask him out before? He was single for over a year so there was plenty of time. If they liked him so much they should've asked him before someone else got the chance. And if they thought we were too different to be going steady then they should've figured that we would eventually break up anyway and they would get their chance then. Also, if they're so much better than me then why must they try so hard to show me up? It's not as if I'm such a threat seeing as before going out with him I was a nobody and still kinda am.
So, with my ranting out of the way and the information on the situation, the problem is that I am bothered by the fact that girls come onto him so much. Is there anything I can do to get them to back off? Or show my claim over him or something? If not then what should I do to get this to stop bothering me? I tried just ignoring it but I kinda want to fight for my man in some way, even though I don't need to. Who else has had a similar problem with having a man that's just too desireable? How did you handle it?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: aurastar@xanga
- Name: Aura
- About Me: I am what you make of me. Form your own opinion. I won't argue.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 2173 Comments: 0 65 View all posts by aurastar@xanga
Comments (65)
He's an alpha male. When I used to be a Beta male I never had this but I changed and get it way more than ever. But when i'm with the girl I adore, she's the only one to me. I love her, and well, It sounds like he does too. In reality, its all about natural selection= and he chose you =)
this type of stuff goes on a lot..everywhere. you just don't know about it the same way not every other girl knows this happens to you. this has happened in my relationship as well. from both sides. with one girl in particular that wanted my man. but i just think its kinda funny. its whatever. until someone crosses the line and then we would have a problem.
A lot of girls are cunts theend.
@xourlastendeavorx@xanga - And every female is attracted to the alpha male, period. While in a relationship, it just doesn't matter at all. There are plenty of women in their mind that think they're the alpha female, and can take any man they want from the "peasants".
@kkraziemoonn@xanga - In the beginning, the jealousy is fun to laugh at (at least for me). In the end, someone needs to be slapped.
@Iluffyewstupidwhore@xanga - Straight to the point is always awesome, and very true!
A lot of people are just pieces of shit.
The only thing you can do, is learn to deal with it.
@Icecold4u@xanga -
But being in a relationship with a girl that he is proud of gives him a new, more intriguing swagger than before. So he naturally brings more girls to him. No need to worry though.I've thought about this too, because most girls that i like are always adored by other guys and sometimes i wonder if i get to be with that person then all these people would want to too.
Though, I've never experienced this problem im not sure about the solution but the best thing to do is ignore it until a girl makes you extremely uncomfortable. Then if i were you I'd box her in the face.
Personally, if it was me, I'll just ignore them. You can claim him as your man by being with him and holding his hand when necessary. You don't need to to snoop down to their levels or do more than you should. Obviously, they just like to throw themselves at your man and even like to see how you react to it.
Some people just don't have any respect for someone, their partner, and their selves.
@Icecold4u@xanga - lol. very true.
I used to hold fast to the belief that girls don't pursue taken guys. And that taken girls don't pursue taken guys. (And vice versa) Unfortunately, I learned that this is so not true. There's probably nothing you can do to fend them off short of having him carry you piggy-back wherever he goes. But I definitely wish you the best of luck and I hope that you guys can figure this out together =)
oh it happens all the time. i had girls watching me, even tried to tell me my bf was cheating on me so i'd leave him cause they wanted him. long story short they coulda had him
I don't think there's much you can do without looking pathetic. Just ignore it, and hold fast. I had the same situation happen to me, pretty much. My boyfriend wasn't really a "nobody"...but he wasn't popular enough for me to have heard about him, or even known who he was in my very very small school in which I knew pretty much everyone. And no one even knew who he was when I would tell people we were dating. Then after awhile, alot of girls started to like him...compliment him....try to hang out with him...and I'm like "okay, really? wth." But it's kinda flattering. And all you can do is be the bigger person. Unless someone takes it farther. Then you must kick some ass. Just make sure he doesn't let this get to his head, because my ex did, and he cheated. So...keep him in check.
taken guys is more of a challenge, that's why.
wow weird, i've never felt the desire to hit on a guy after i learned he was taken, so i have no idea what to say here other than good luck. maybe promise rings? hmm the one instance where i would recommend those things haha
time to step it up girl
Wow! So many replies already! And good ones, too.
@xourlastendeavorx@xanga - Alphamale. Yes. That describes him.
@jeezshoua@xanga - Good point. No stooping down to the levels of those sluts. (Yes, most of them really are sluts. And known for it.)
@Passion_Star@xanga - I've already got a couple people trying to convince me he's cheating. Both times it turned out to be a bad source of information, though how the information turned that bad is the part that makes me wonder about how trustworthy these people are that end up being the ones getting trusted like priests.
@discoxapples@xanga - Thanks for the warning and concern, but I am 100% certain he will never cheat without telling me about it. And if he does, it's probably for money to take me to a nice place or buy me something.
I like the plan I'm getting reinforced. Ignore them untill they step outta line, then it's time to mess up someone's face....... I mean make-up....
During the past year of me and my boyfriend being together, this has happened. Typically he'll befriend a girl, think of her in a sisterly way, while she's obviously thinking of him in a "You're sexy, I'd like to rip your clothes off" kind of way. At one point this girl threw a temper tantrum when he turned down her advances, claiming he had never told her that he was in a relationship, when he had months prior. Then there are the girls who stare at him and the ones who try to get him interested in them by attempting to get his sympathy. It goes on and on. I feel your pain, it drives me crazy when they do that.
As for anything to do about it? I can't see anything that would stop it. I mean, women go after men who are married. A wedding ring is the ultimate sign of "he's taken" but that doesn't stop many women. So, that's that. All he'd be able to do is totally change his personality into something that nobody is attracted to, which, sadly, is also impossible.
You're better off ignoring all of this. Concentrate on the good relationship you already have. Those other girls will just have to accept that hes taken someday.
hey there! i have encountered the same problem. it pisses me off when other girls lack the respect that my guy is in a relationship. like, hellllooooo! but like other comment-ers have said, ignore it and just be more confident. it's okay. think of the good things about your relationship. ;)
@xourlastendeavorx@xanga - You know when alphas jump in a pool, they don't get wet. The pool gets alpha-ed.
Just tell him to stop telling you about the girls. If you see girls eyeing your guy, ignore them. If one approaches him while you're there, confront her. Otherwise, know he's with you because he wants you.
Bask in their jealousy like the sunlight, but when it gets too bright, just put on your sunglasses.
I know exactly what you mean. I relate to your article so much. My man is a tattoo artist and very outgoing. Girls will always stare at him and try to get his attention. He looks cuz hes a guy of course, but there has been some girls that would make moves on him, even when im standing right there. I told him too "Like dude how do they have so much disrespect." Hes in a relationship and little girls dont care they just act immature because they think their hotter and can take someone elses boyfriend.
well, i got pretty much the same thing as you goin, except with the genders swapped, and uhhh yeah, i know how you feel, but i donno what ta tell ya, nobody has any class these days and das just the way it is
my ex was similar to your boyfriend. at first i was really insecure that other girls were always hitting on him, flirting with him because he was popular and quite good looking. but this one time, we went out to the bar for some drinks but the place we went was packed and this one girl walked up to him and just started talking to him out of the blue, but he turned around and pointed to me and told the girl that he only had eyes for me. she was quite upset and she walked over to me to tell me that if i ever break up with him, she was next in line for him. he was always faithful to me, though he was popular with the girls, he would always include me in every conversation, never made a decision without me, never went anywhere without me unless it was boys night out. sometimes it's because we're just insecure with ourselves but try talking to your boyfriend, i'm sure he already knows, but tell him how you feel and it will make you feel less insecure.
High school is weird. I don't miss it. I'd talk to him about it. Tell him that you trust him, but it still bothers you when other girls are throwing themselves at him. Cause that's just rude!
If a man is taken, ladies and gentlemen, out of plain and simple respect you should behave yourself. There's probably some other amazing boy who would love to date some of these girls and they're too busy obsessing to notice the poor bastards!
But back to the point: talk to him about it. Tell him how it makes you feel. And make sure you are completely honest with him. Don't start playing games or engaging in a power struggle with these girls - it sounds like you are better than that. And, honey, don't let them get you down.
Or you could always just kill them with kindness!