Tuesday, 14 July 2009
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Interracial Dating: Yes, It Is Still Taboo
In my mind, when it comes to dating, race has never been an issue. I am thankful that I have had culturally open-minded people in my life to steer me in this direction. It's so sad that race is still one of the biggest issues when it comes to picking a partner. Frankly, I am ashamed.
You may wonder what brought this on. Well, I was chatting with a friend and like always, we ended up talking about guys. It's funny, with girls you can be talking about spaghetti and somehow end up on the topic of men. Anyway, I was saying that I wish there was a "Build-A-Boyfriend" shop, because the selection of men in my area is just not to my liking. I then went on to say that I wanted a boyfriend to be a mix of Ryan Reynolds, Brandon Boyd (lead singer of the band Incubus), and Will Smith. My friend was quiet for a moment and then says "Can I ask you a question?" Almost instinctively I knew what was coming. Then she said, "I notice you tend to like a lot of white men and you never mention anyone of color". Ouch! I knew she was just curious and didn't mean to hurt me, but she did.
The truth is, race is at the bottom of my list when it comes to dating. You could be blue and as long as you have an open heart matched with an open mind, you are splendid in my book. To explain my point further, I chose those three gentlemen because of their personalities. Now, I know these are celebrities and I don't actually know them, but just hear me out. When I see Ryan Reynolds and Brandon Boyd I don't see "white men" - I see strong, funny, intelligent human beings with incredible talent. When I look at Will Smith I see the same thing. I am not blind. I know the difference between black and white, but I choose not to let it be the forefront issue when choosing a mate.I know the media has not given us the best impression of black men. I study this in college. It is horrible and downright stupid, but I do not let it phase me. I look at black men the same as any other race of men. I am black myself, so it would be stupid of me to disregard them in any way, shape, or fashion.Since middle school I have been dealing with this issue. I have been called "Oreo" (white on the inside, black on the outside) and truthfully it hurt. I am proud to be Afrian-American! Just because I listen to ALL kinds of music and like ALL kinds of men makes me no less African-American than anyone else! I used to think something was wrong with me, but now I see that I am not the one with the problem.I have heard that black families are more accepting of interracial couples than white families. Are black men more culturally adventurous than white men? I don't know if any of this is true. I can only speak for my own family and say that they love everyone. I think America, the land of the free, should wake up and stop all the contradictions. We say everyone is equal, but we sure don't treat each other as if this is true. The same argument about interracial dating has even been brought up in the LGBT community. I have heard that people of color are seen as a fetish or something. The same goes for the heterosexual community. Why can't we just look at each other for what's on the inside instead of temporarily experimenting in another cultural? That is the only way we are going to move forward as a nation.That being said, whoever I end up with will be loved for who they are and not for the color of their skin. If you see an interracial couple, don't think if it as weird, but as beautiful. I applaud those who break the mold and challenge society. Love others the way you want to be loved. Just because two people are of a different race or culture doesn't mean they won't have anything in common. Reaching out to each other is how we learn to break down those barriers and ultimately grow closer. Love is love, no matter what.
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About the Author
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- From: secretlygenius@xanga
- Name: Marlena
- About Me: Who is this me you speak of and what has she done with my cheese?!
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Comments (638)
You're alright.
Girl, black people are no more open to interracial relationships than white people. I should know. A couple of black guys actually tried to physically injure me for dating their black friend. I know this because it was too obviously them, especially after they had acted like it was discusting for him to be touching me, much less having sex with me, as though dating and screwing me was like dating and screwing a dog. They're even less accepting of it when it's a black woman dating a white man. I'm not sure why. Living in an area with mostly minorities as someone who seems to be a steriotypical, skinny, white female has been hard on me. I know what it's like to be discriminated against just for your race. My boyfriend and I get a lot of comments about the fact it's an interracial relationship, even though we're not the first, but we are one of the few.
I personally, have nothing against interracial dating.. but people that aren't white are of a very large minority... (as you can tell by the way i didn't even know how to write that without being scared of sounding racist)
its not that i a racist because i'm really not, but the closest i've come to anyone even slightly of a different ethnicity, is pretty much my best friend, and he's not even noticeably of a different ethnicity, except when he gets a tan and happens to tan a heck of alot better than anyone else i know...
i live in the kind of town thats full of english farmers saying "get off my land" in their lovely devonshire accent, and whenever anyone knew comes to town people tend to be very very wary of them.. strange but true.
but i'm sure if (i didn't have a boyfriend and) i had the chance to be in an interracial relationship, i'd be more than happy.
like you said, "You could be blue and as long as you have an open heart matched with an open mind, you are splendid in my book."
nice blog :) x
I agree. Kudos.
agreed ! imo , interracial dating is adorable . i see it ALL THE TIME at my school , and i consider that an accomplishment , since i live in the deep south <3
i feel ya. i don't really know why i haven't dated anyone of a different race. i see attractive girls of all different races all the time, so that's not the problem. i'm guessing that it's light weight because my friends of different races haven't expressed a liking for me. cept my half japanese buddy, but she was a little late. i was already in a relationship by then. i have no problem with the idea of it though.
PS-- i personally believe that mixed babies are some of the cutest on the planet.
my sister is dating a black guy and i've noticed people giving her dirty looks when we are with him in public. he put his arm around me once and an old lady started muttering. it's a shame that people can't accept interracial couples.
I dated a black guy before and when I saw him I never saw his skin color, I just saw him as a person. A lot of people judged me for it though. I know a lot of people that think it was so 'weird' and 'wrong' for me to do that.
Interracial is accepted in my family. It's all over the place. My mom's a little weird about it (even though she shouldn't be talking) but I definitely have no problem with interracial dating. I've dated a Brazilian guy a Portugeuse guy, Spanish and mixed race. I'm open to dating other races, but sadly that doesn't mean people of other races are gonna be interested in me. Sometimes it makes me skeptic about liking guys of other races, "what if they're not even into that?" Which is why I kinda lay low sometimes. I either wait and find out their preferences or just let them make the first move.
@skinnyme_prettyme@xanga - Me, too! My boyfriend and I have hopes of marriage in our future. I'm really pale, and his skin is so dark he seriously dissapears at night if there isn't a light shining directly on him. He's a ninja. His kung-fu is better than CHEESEBURGERS!
I completely agree. Awesome post!!! :)
Its only strange on the outside but once your in one you forget about race, my girlfriend is asian but i dont see as "asian dating black" i see as to people together *shrugs* and my previous girlfriend was, its not like i go after them it just sorta happens that way.
i've always dated another race. my last bf was caucasian and people used to always looked at us differently but here in the city, there are so many people dating outside of their race so it's pretty normal. my parents have always been accepting of my choices when it comes to dating, as long as i'm happy with the person i pick.
I'm in an interracial relationship..My mom has a hard time with it, whereas his family is completely accepting. So I don't know. But we definitely get looks from time to time..and we've even had the police called on us before. It sucks that people are still so discriminatory, but that's life I suppose.
Some black men are especially defensive about black women not ending up with black men. My roommates and I went over our fellow, black male medical student friends' house with a bunch of "black" movies, wanted to watch "Something New" and were met with emphatic "hell no!"s. It's ridiculous that black women should have to limit themselves to only black men, just because. Still, their reaction was surprising. I mean, it's like, oh well, I'll probably get temporarily disowned by my formerly black-nationalist family when I (may) bring home a white dude, so these disapproving friends won't phase me that much at all.
Besides that, to quote on of my roommates, out of context, on interracial relationships, "Git it ohn, git it ohn." It's not just black and white, though. We all know of our immigrant families of various ethnicities who would give their sons and daughters grief if they brought home black people. It's the return of the fear of mongrelization, international style!
I'm in an interracial relationship and I'm gay, so I can be attacked on two fronts. I'm black, and my immediate family looks down on both, and it's sad. Yet, my white boyfriend's family is accepting of both. I wouldn't exactly say either race is more accepting than the other; the world is in a constant state of change.
I totally agree. Great post!
"I used to think something was wrong with me, but now I see that I am not the one with the problem."
Yup, you said it!
I knew from an early age that I was attracted to girls outside of my race-and I when I mean early I'm talking about back in 3rd grade (I used to like Filipino girls a lot, but that's a whole another story in itself). Nowadays there are times where I am attracted to girls outside of my race 25 to 50x more than girls of the same race as me. As for black men having a bad rep I myself am a second year medical student with 3 degrees of higher education that does not include the MD degree i'll get in 3 years (I have a BS, MS, and MPH-two of them I got from Columbia Univ. in NYC). Even though we have a president who is half black the image of the black man in the media hasn't changed much. Hopefully as a future doctor somebody can see me in a different light.
let's see,...i've dated black, hispanic, and asian. i was starting a relationship with a marine when i was 16 who was from pakistan, but because he was "muslim" and I'm a christian, my mom wouldn't hear of it. my mom is extremely racist. my dad not so much, but i think he's weirded out by it. my mom had made comments when i was dating my black boyfriend how I was trying to be a "wigger" and saying that I was listening to rap music and trying to be black. Um,...okay,...whatever *rolling eyes*. My son's dead-beat dad is polish and thai. i'm british myself, so our son is british, polish, and thai. he looks just like any other white kid, but when he gets in the sun, he gets really dark!
i never had to deal with criticism from my friends. it was just mainly my mom. i never looked at my relationships as "i'm going to date this guy to piss off my parents." I truly cared for them for who they were/their personality. funny how my parents' (i'm adopted, so these are my adoptive parents) raised me not to judge anyone based on their nationality/ethnicity/religion, and then my mom goes and does the exact opposite. she blames it on her upbringing (segregation when she was growing up), and the way things were. she even made a comment when i was pregnant saying "i'm glad you and jon (the black boyfriend) never had a baby, because then it would be mixed." to that i replied, "bryce is mixed, mom. he's british, polish, and thai." needless to say, that shut her up right away!
i'm thinking that it's starting to be a lot more accepted, but you're definitely right when you say that we have a LONG way to go! good post!!!
I'm currently in an interracial relationship, and I can't even tell my father because he's so racist. I'm not allowed to even hang out with black people, let alone date them. It makes my heart sad that he's so closed minded sometimes.
To say that our sad...pathetic world is being more accepting of interracial relationships..well, you have your reality check. To say that the world is becoming more "tolerant" of interracial relationships, in mass...is passable at best. For us as a society to collectively accept interracial relationships, we'd have to lose every single person that has been raised into not accepting it, and the people who are being raised into it. We would also have to rid every single observant mind, that looks at themselves, then looks at themselves and says "You're a different color..i don't like that, it scares me".
A.K.A...Impossible. I have been through multiple relationships, where-as the SO was white, and at least one member of her family was racist in some way. At least one of them were tolerant of me, but thats only because i went to the same church as them; downside, he was a cop. Now on the other hand...only my grandmother has seen, or even met my girlfriends, because I keep my relationships on the low...She is tolerant of my choices with the ladies, but I am not sure of the rest.
As for...anybody that thinks they dont look at the color of peoples skin, and within their own mind say they dont want this color, they want that one...I call BS. Sorry..have to...one, the obvious reason, skin is the biggest organ on the human body...and it is for the world to see at all times, more than likely, this part of the body is not only looked at for color, but cleanliness.
Put this into thought, just a hypothetical...two people have the same exact personalities, and both want to go out with you, and both are of different races. Some will ignore the fact that this is a test like this, is a test of preference of color, and say they look for anything but skin color; Hair color, hair style, nails, etc. (long explanation short, don't be ashamed for color preferences).
As for me, saying my color preference here, isn't right ;). It isn't my place to say it, judgement would be put on me whether I say it or not..and i'd rather not. Love is love, at least we could all agree on that.
I've noticed a lot of people tend to still have problems with this. It's funny, actually. I have no problem what so ever with interracial dating, however I always said that there's no way I could ever date or marry a man who wasn't white. (I'm basically your typical traditional stereotypical white girl...haha) I personally just never thought I would be attracted to anyone other then white guys, physically, I mean. I'm currently with a guy who is Paraguayan. It's slightly different because he was adopted, so he was raised 100% in America by a white family, but he's still clearly not white. It's interesting the ways views can change so easily - unfortunately not everyone's views will change that easily.
hmmm at least people are being honest on here...
Im african, native american and german and my boyfriend is german, irish and russian. Soooooo we share like one country together other then that... we look nothing alike. But I love him and he loves me ... four years strong.... even with the dirty and confused looks... and we live in a small closed minded town. (92% caucasian out of a 300,000 pop) Trust me... we have learned to ignore it all.