Okay, this is NOT something that happened to me or to one of my friends. But I am curious to see the opinions on the situation like this.
Let's say you are a 25-year-old guy who is about to get married (in a month or so) to the girl that you've known for ten years. The wedding is set, invitations are flying off, everyone is anxious and happy. Now, ever since you got together with your fiancée, you strongly believed that she is the one for you, and that you love her. She loves you back, so all in all, it's like a fairytale come true.
Then one of those days you meet your best man's sibling (two years younger, let's say). You start hanging out, you share the same interests, laugh at the same jokes, and you have the same taste in clothes and music. Okay, to make this story short and to the point, pretty soon you realize that you can't stop thinking about your best man's sibling. It gets to the point that it's driving you insane. And then yet another realization hits you like a bag of bricks - you are so in love that it's scary. Seriously, you start contemplating suicide because you realize that this is your soulmate but you are getting married in a freaking month!
So then you decide to talk it out with your newly found soulmate. You do. Then one thing leads to another, turns out you both share the same feeling, and because you are just a human, you end up sleeping together. In the morning you feel worse than Judas. Then you think, and you talk, and think some more, and finally you realize that you will be the greatest pig ever if you break up with your fiancée right now. But you also realize that if you marry her, it'll be wrong as well because you do not love her. In fact, you come to a very sad conclusion - you have never been in love until now.
So you break off the engagement, endure the greatest fury ever known to man, and you end up with your soulmate, and you finally feel complete. Okay, I guess the question is obvious - is this the right thing to do?
Oh, wait. I forgot to mention one thing. Your soul mate is a guy. Now, in my opinion, body is nothing but a wrapper and love has nothing to do with gender. I mean, the whole gender thing is very important for procreation but that's about it. But this is just me. I wonder what other people think about it.
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Comments (57)
and then, what if velociraptors attacked while you found five dollars?
You'd be an even bigger pig if you took vows before your family and friends knowing it was a lie. I think I would be seriously pissed off to wake up married to someone who doesn't love me. It's not a decision to be taken lightly. I place little value in broad exaggerations such as "you have never been in love till now". And the answer remains the same whether the third party is a woman or a man.
you wud be the graytist pig evur if you marry yer fiancee azza very wize rabbi wunse advized me "you must follow yer hart" trust me the short term agony offa calld off engayjmint iz nuthin compard to the enormus payne that will follow you if you go thru with the weddin
you must follow yer hart
This is a tough one, considering I'm not a guy, and even for a girl, it's hard to say without being in that situation. I was however on the other side of a similar situation, I met a guy who had a girlfriend, and as we got to know each other better, he would repeatedly say, "If only I'd met you 3 years ago." Things have worked out now, but in that situation, I just always reminded him that he's not married, nothing's permanent...
I say he did the right thing, you cant help who you fall in love with and when that right person comes along it just happens you cant deny finding your soul mate only if they are truely your soul mate. And he should break it off before he married the girl, yes it will break her heart but eventually she'll move on but to marry her then leave her that is just something a heartless jerk would do. If he cares for her feelings any as a friend or even a human being he would break it off before things turned into a permanet situtation
Either your fiancee has to be the most fucking understanding person in the world and let you go, or you suck it up and get over the guy.
@JadedJanissary@xanga - I would kill them with my laser beamed equipped sharks, took my five dollars, found you and tried to find out the point of the question I guess...
This sounds too well-constructed and weird to be hypothetical, if you ask me.
@methodElevated@xanga - If you were the girl in this situation, would you really want to marry him still and make him to try to pretend he's over this male soulmate? What if he doesn't get over it? I mean, he's already calling him soulmate.
@ELIZerson@xanga - I was in a similar situation not long ago. I was willing to let him go because I truly love him, and his happiness is important to me. If he didn't love me/wasn't as happy with me as the other person, then WTF was he still doing with me? -shrug- I thought it was the right thing to do. He thought he had incredibly deep connections to the other person (i.e. his "lost soulmate"), and it lasted for a few years.
In my situation, he decided to stay with me because he realized it wasn't actually love, afterall. It was just something novel and exciting that faded after reality set in.
If he had chosen differently, I would've accepted it and moved on.
I should hope that since this person is your best man, you already knew about the younger sister...I mean, your best man is supposed to be your best friend, the guy you've counted on to be your wingman, etc., for years. You ought to know he has a little sister, and you probably would have met her long before now. Thus the problem would not exist. At all.
And if you had NOT met your best man's little sister, why would you suddenly meet her? She'd have nothing to do with the wedding.
Well, if he is not ready, he is not ready.
@Lorelei - Umm... It's not his sister, it's his brother... And yes, they've met before of course. Just never clicked, so to speak...
I forgot about acceptable option #3: form a mutually polyamorous relationship. Hard to successfully pull off, but it's possible.
@Lorelei - did you completely miss the last paragraph? haha, it's a little brother.
i think the hypothetical person did the right thing. even if it's only a fling it's not right to go into a marriage with that in mind....
maybe you should write this into a movie script and sell it to hollywood. i'm sure it would be more popular than brokeback if you do it up right.
I think he should man up and leave. i would rather have a little pain in the beginning than a lifetime of heartache.
@nimbusthedragon@xanga - agree!
That will be one big drama fest, family no better.
If I were absolutely 100% sure that the other was my soul mate, I would call off the wedding.
But the biggest question is, was it everything you'd wanted, or something novel while you were prone to cold feet? There is a difference between infatuation and love. If you have both, then you are golden. But only infatuation only causes problems. And as this all happened so fast, I would be very careful about my next move. But that is just me. Only you can know what is right for you (completely hypothetically, of course).
@nimbusthedragon@xanga - thats one way to look at it. of course if you look at the author's stats they do say that they like to write and make stuff up, so i think it is just a hypothetical story. i'm just throwing that out there, not trying to say you're wrong or anything.
@nimbusthedragon@xanga - I second this....
@C_UNIT42@xanga - heh you might be onto something....
@JadedJanissary@xanga - I knew Jurassic Park was real!
Outcome of marriage taking place: years of loveless and sexless marriage coupled with secret homosexual liaisons coupled with unhappy kids followed by husband coming out of the closet after kids goes to college followed by bitter divorce coupled with several lives ruined and changed forever.
Outcome of marriage not taking place: loss of deposits of wedding stuff, humiliation of bride and her family, pity for bride by everybody, intense heartache for bride but in the end, all short lived and bride will move on, groom will be happy he is not pretending to be something he isn't.
Scenario #2 may have more pain upfront but, again, short termed and everybody will be happier in the long run. I choose scenario #2 regardless of if I was the bride or the groom.