Monday, 13 July 2009
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Why Don't I Feel Guilty? Part II
Majority of those who commented feel as thought I'm a terrible person for doing what I did. I give you that, it's your opinion. I know I'm a good person.My boyfriend and I have communicated about our situation several times in the past, and it hasn't been getting any better. I've even suggested getting some help, but he declines to share our issue with some stranger (therapist). Even the times we do have sex, I always get the short end of the stick. Once he gets his, I'm out of luck. I mean, how much more of this am I supposed to take? I think I've hung in there long enough. I know sex isn't the biggest part of a relationship, but damn it, it counts. My boyfriend is a great person, who I do love and respect, but it's just this aspect of our relationship is killing me. He pays little to no attention to my needs. I can keep talking about it all I want, but beating a dead horse yields not results. We talk and things don't change.
There are three reasons I suspect he is cheating: The first incident occurred one night when our daughter (20 months old) got hold of his phone, and came to me with it after she was finished messing with it, and gave it to me.
On the screen with my own two eyes I saw sexually explicit messages between him and a female coworker. I confronted him about it and his response was "we're just playing," and "it's innocent" even though I saw messages that they were setting up places and times to meet. I forgave him (stupid me); I tried to let it go but deep down I couldn't.
Second incident occurred while I was on MY computer. He left his Yahoo! account logged in, and curiosity got the best of me and I looked in his inbox and saw multiple emails from another female coworker. I opened those and again with my own two eyes I saw pictures of this woman that I could have gone without seeing. There were nude pictures of her; he replied with a raunchy message. This coworker is someone I see on a regular basis when I am at his place of employment; she has babysat for us in the past. Seeing those pics made me think back to all the times he went over her house to "hang out".
Naturally I was pissed off (my blood was boiling), but I said nothing to him (stupid me again). For some strange reason I didn't want him to think that he couldn't trust me, because I "snooped" in his inbox. Final straw that broke the camel's back, I was doing laundry and I noticed a piece of a blue paper on the floor. I leaned over to pick it up and...it was a piece of a Trojan condom wrapper! I could clearly see the word Trojan written on the wrapper. Bonus, it wasn't the kind he and I use. I felt that it was more than probable cause to believe that he was cheating on me.
Here is how I break it down: 85% of me feels he's cheating, and the 15% feels that it is just innocent as he tells me it is. So, am I wrong for thinking the way I do?
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- From: Lets_GetIt_Started@xanga
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- About Me: Beware the wrath of the quiet man -Chinese Proverb
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Comments (89)
Um...I think people weren't hating on you for thinking he's cheating (since he probably is). It just might have more to do with the fact that you decided to deal with his cheating by fucking another guy.
Alright, well think about this: If it's innocent, which I don't think it is, do you really want your boyfriend looking at another woman that way? Do you want him talking to another woman that way? Do you want her to see him that way? Do you want her to talk to him that way? It obviously bothers you. I didn't read the first post you put on here, so what I'm saying is just from this.
I guess it depends on your definition of cheating. You find a condom that you two don't use, which shows that it was definitely used by him (or was going to be) with someone else. A woman is sending him naughty pictures. They're talking to each other in a dirty way, I'll assume on a frequent basis. It's obvious that having sex with her is on his mind, it has to be for him to talk that way. Which also goes to say that since it's on his mind, he wants it. Chances are he IS cheating.
He doesn't sound that great to me. Stop worrying about his "trust" in you because I can easily guess that you don't trust him, and he's giving you no reason to. Stop beating around the bush and demand the truth.
You're an idiot for cheating, and an idiot for staying. Generally: You're just a fucking idiot.
Leave him.
Well...I guess yall can have an open relationship, right?
Both of you guys can satisfy your needs elsewhere.
But at the end of the day, you'll go back to him and he'll come back to you.
I mean doesn't it sound that way already?
Good luck!
Uh...he's cheating...
Getting porn of your "friend" from that "friend" while you are dating someone else is not innocent. Having sex with your "friend" while dating someone else is definately not innocent.
Yeah, he's a bitch.
@pillowpixies@xanga - Well said.
I'll agree with everyone who has said he is cheating and say "he's a pig who does not deserve to be with you or your daughter." I say you tell him he has two choices: stop lying and apologize to you and your daughter and stop seeing them; never see his daughter or you again (if you live together, he needs to be shown the door for the last time.) I know it's a bit harsh, but since I was a "guy" (i prefer to think of myself as a man, the difference being higher standards and morals) and have had to deal with friends of mine and guys mistreating them, usually binary logic is the only way to go. It's either "respect the relationship" or "respect my foot kicking you in the balls on your way out the door."
That, and my sincerest apologies for you and your daughter having to suffer this humiliation from a fellow male of the human species.
@vashts6583@xanga - hear hear!
I don't think you guys should be together... really. Even though you love him, do you think you guys are actually "perfect" for each other when you feel like you aren't getting enough? he's cheating/getting even/just having sex- but wait. If he wanted sex, why not with you? If he isn't satisfying your needs, what makes you want to stay with him. I think you can find a better guy that will actually THINK to satisfy your wants/needs. I know it's hard because you still love him, but why do you want to stay with a guy that isn't what you want?
How about you just leave him and find a better man, who will satisfy you and help you care for your child(ren)?
Stop this mess before it starts hurting your child(ren), and yourself even more.
He obviously isn't going to change, and he's not going to be honest with you. So just leave.
wow. you're cheating. he's cheating.
are you really happy? is he really happy? ...is it really... love? l-o-v-e love? nat king cole L is for the way you look at me love? because it sure as hell looks as if it died a while ago.
either something needs to be done to fix this broken relationship (ultimatum) or.. its time to move on. make sure you look up the word "ultimatum" before you give it. because i know its hard to really go through with it... don't give any more second chances. they aren't worth it. not any more. and YOU need to change. you NEED to change if you want ANYTHING to work just as much as he does. you both need to come clean. either that or.. move on. i know its hard when you've been with a person for so long, especially if you have a child but.. whats better? a sucky truth or a not-even-fullfilling lie?
:/ good luck.
I had to read your first entry to see what you mean so here I am, all caught up.
How can you STILL be with someone that you cheated on but feel no guilt although you CLAIM you love and respect this man?? And if he has little to no interest in making you happy, WHY ARE YOU IN THIS RELATIONSHIP enough to want to MARRY him??In your first entry, you said you wanted to marry him. Do you still??
For the sake of your child, you guys should break up. This is an unhealthy environment for your child to grow up on; you guys are BOTH cheating on each other!! He's cheating on you because you're no longer satisfying him (sexually as it seems) and you're cheating on him because you're trying to even the score AND you're not sexually satisfied by his seflish ways of getting "his." STOP JUSTIFYING WHY you're staying or why you SHOULD, and LEAVE the relationship. He clearly stopped respecting AND loving you if he's capable of even considering such behavior with another woman. PERIOD.
so you found out that he is cheating on you right now. your turn: leave.
two wrongs doesn't make a right.
Yeah, he's cheating. Yes, you should move on. (And p.s. I kept telling my husband we needed marriage counseling and he never believed me until I told him I was leaving.)
I'm glad you gave us more info. I was wondering how things were going.
@Schristian@xanga - i cannot agree more.
Ay. Just break it offÂ
If you love him as much as you say you do and he loves you then you'd want each other to be happy.Â
Maybe you're just not happy with each other.And, maybe there's someone out there for you, and you don't have to go sleeping around to fulfill your needs.ÂOh, I read both entries.
100% he's cheating.
You should end it.
you don't need to explain yourself or your actions to the internet, madame. it's all good.
Then break up with him. Obviously he's not satisfying you, and he's cheating. Now, you're cheating. Therefore, the relationship is SCREWED!
He's cheating. You cheated. I say the relationship is over.
hun im sorry but hes cheating on you. not matter what little lies you want to tell yourself and what you let him tell you, hes cheating. i know you love him and all but id get out.and if you cheated on him then whats the point? the relationship isnt as strong as it should be. and it would be best for your daughter really because she shouldnt have to grow up with two parents who obv are having problems..trust me..it sucks
sorry if that sounds insensitive, its just true
@Schristian@xanga - put that in all caps and times it by two.
seriously, why would you stay with him? wtf. plus, clearly, he doesn't give a fuck about you, if he is just fucking you until he gets off then you are shit of luck. you doesn't value you as a girlfriend. he fucks you like you are just "there" and "free pussy" and not someone that he is in LOVE with. he has moved on, clearly. he is fucking a coworker, who babysat your kid..and has naked pictures of her..and you STAYED?! what are you thinking?
move on. you two are just destroying each other over NOTHING. the relationship is dead and you probably aren't IN love with him, you probably just LOVE him.
your love for him is in a different degree, it's not romantic love, no more.
move on, save yourself the heart ache.
xo
I agree with everyone, fuck him. You're much better without him and you can find someone better, though what you did was still inexcusable. Cheating because it is his fault, is no excuse, remember that.
You are much better than him. Go ahead, drop him and say it's over. (though i personally never had a guy cheat on me..) but save your tears for something else.