Monday, 13 July 2009

  • Are Relationship Pacts Normal?

    I've been asking some friends lately what they think of "relationship pacts"...

    What I'm talking about is where you have two amazingly close friends of the opposite genders... they've been friends forever, and probably will stay friends forever.  They don't necessarily feel strong romantic attraction to each other; however they work well together, know each other REALLY REALLY well, and they enjoy each other's company.  And they make a pact that if they're both still single by the time they reach a certain age, that they will hook up, and start dating/get married/etc.

    What do you think of that?  Do you know people who have made this sort of agreement?  Is it a normal thing to do?  Would you date someone who has one of these pacts with someone else?

    I've been thinking about doing this with my best friend in the world.  It has been observed that she and I interact and act like a couple. We just know each other that well, and are that close that even brief cuddling is not a big deal.  We've known each other forever, and I AM attracted to her, just not in the same romantic way as I am to other people.  We have a sort of "brother/sister" relationship.  I'd date her, but only after I've exhausted all other efforts (especially with one person who I've been seriously interested in since November, but haven't gotten anywhere with).  Or maybe this is abnormal, and I need to straighten some things out with her.  I don't know.

    What do you think?

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Comments (34)

  • thegirlwiththecamera@xanga

    I was going to write this exact post, asking this exact question. I've joked with one of my friends about doing this, but never anything serious. I always wondered if anyone actually did that - and followed through!
  • sweet_imperfectionz@xanga

    Yes, I've made a pact with one of my best friends but i feel like it was more of a joke. I guess under the right circumstances or just luck it could work out but if you're once the last choice won't you sort of always be the last choice. And if the person's not the last choice than what's preventing you from just dating them now
  • iambravado@xanga

    it seems to me that if you are willing to make this kind of pact, you truly just want to be with her. i think it's a little strange to have the pact because i've always followed my heart. i wouldn't ever want to have a set-in-stone, last resort significant other. just go with the flow, date her when the time is right (which seems to be right now)
  • aurastar@xanga

    I did that.  I don't think I could do it with a really close friend, though.  Perhaps someone that would be a close friend were it not for one thing or another that won't be a problem by that time but that I still get along with just fine otherwise.  The idea of getting like that with a friend you don't think of romantically is just kinda weird to me.  Like that episode of Friends when Raechel and Joey hooked up and they kept having problems when they tried to get intimate.


    But I'm not single, so all's fine for me.
  • aiinos@xanga

    One of my guyfriends tried to get me to agree to that type of a pact because I don't date, but haha it didn't work. I don't date right now for a reason... i mean im only 15, im sure i have plenty of time. He said if both of us are single when we're 21, we're gonna start dating each other. I disagreeeed haha. 
  • ViciousGrin63@xanga

    The only thing I think is weird is that you'd date someone you consider to be a sister.


    But since she's not actually your sister, go for it.


    Just, if I were you, I'd try not to think "sister" around her anymore.
  • MangoWOW@xanga

    Haha my sister made a pact with her ex geometry teacher that if she wasn't married by the time she was 30 that they would. I don't know if she's serious but they are pretty good friends. lol.
    Kinda gross :(
    Anyways. I made a pact with my friend that if he didn't lose his virginity by the age of 24 that I'd sleep with him. However he finally came out of the closet a couple months ago so that wont be happening. lol.

  • dreamer_in_my_heart@xanga

    I made a pact with my closest guy friend in high school that if we were both single by the time I hit 30 (he's a couple years younger), then we would head down that road.  I got married when I was 23.  I'm 25 now.  He's very much in love with his current girlfriend and hoping to propose.  We still look back at that and laugh at how ridiculous the whole thing was.
  • Liquid_Pain_523@xanga

    I've made that pact, but it was more of a joke. Still, it's not really weird (as you can see from the above comments, so I hardly needed to say it). I wouldn't be against dating my friend, just that there's no reason to go down that road if we have other viable options.
  • GiantUnicorn@xanga

    I wish I had one of those. It's silly but seems fun. :P.
  • MissPixieGlitter@xanga

    this is the stuff of sitcoms, lol. i'm sure other people try it, but i don't personally know of any. and i don't think i would make a "relationship pact."
  • AuCinema@xanga

    Oh, so this is what friends are for.

    Am I the only who thinks this is incredibly stupid? Hey, if I can't do any better I promise I'll settle for you.


    I think I'd rather be alone, thanks.
  • Hallelujah_Haptism@xanga

    Geeez what is normal:? Like seriously
  • Eternal_night_rain@xanga

    I made a pact with my best guy friend one night, that if we're both single we were going to get married in 6 years. I'm 20 and he'll be 22 this year. He was totally into it. We have a real strong connection and I think things like that brings people closer together.


    :3
  • disorderedpersonality@xanga

    I had a pact like that with my best guy friend! Lol it was a long time ago though. But hey, if we're both still single at 30, maybe we'll still go for it, who knows?
  • jeezshoua@xanga

    I made a pact with my guy friend.  Say, if we were single and in our thirties, we'll get hitch with each other.  Well, I got married when I was about to turn 20 and he's in a relationship now.  Needless to say, our pact fail and thank goodness it did.  It takes so much more than being "best friends" with an opposite sex gender to make a relationship (a marriage) work.
  • AznFier@xanga

    Ugh yeah I made a pact with a girl before. We started liking each other and now we're pretty interested in each other. However when we made the pact we were just joking about it. Oops?
  • miss_prettyinpink@xanga

    I think this is called "having a backup." Have you seen that episode of Friends? 
  • music_of_the_heart08@xanga

    A la My Best Friend's Wedding?? Haha, that's all I can think about =P

  • jzrocker@xanga

    I think that's fine. Kinda like in high school when you made a pact with some friends to go to prom with each other if you didn't have dates.
  • nodnarbassoon@xanga

    @StandUp2Life@xanga - exactly my point... people joke about it, but does anyone take it seriously?  How often does it actually work out...


    @AuCinema@xanga - no, it's more like "you're really awesome, I care deeply about you, but let's see where our lives take us first... there's probably better people for each of us".   This specific person and I have a few major differences in our personality... our friendship is best described as "opposites attract"; however, we have been friends for so long that we aren't about to stop.  We'll always have eachothers' backs.
  • black_lie@xanga

    no thanks... once friends start getting that close i consider them family and thus off limits for dating
  • AuCinema@xanga

    @nodnarbassoon@xanga - "We have a sort of "brother/sister" relationship.  I'd date her, but only after I've exhausted all other efforts."

    Turning to her only after you've" exhausted all other efforts?" Sounds like a last resort to me. In fact, that may be the definition of "last resort." I'm sorry, I just don't understand your line of thinking. You're good friends and that's probably about it. You make it clear that you don't think the two of you are very compatible as partners/lovers. So why limit yourselves by being together when you'd be better off as friends with all your options open to meet other people?

    You asked if a "pact" of this sort is abnormal and I'm just saying, "Yes." It's cute in movies or books but I don't think that it should be taken seriously in the real world. But different strokes for different folks I guess.
  • GtSugacane@xanga

    Lol. I made a pact like this before. We were close. Dated for a while and went our separate ways. We decided that when we get older, if we aren't with anyone when we find each other again, we would be together. We made this pact in our last year of high school and I haven't seen or heard from him since. I'm with someone else whom I love very much and I don't know what the future holds. I was young when I made that pact. I knew that when I grew up, I wanted to have someone to grow old with, I was afraid of growing older alone. And he felt the same way, unsure if we would ever find love. We knew that if we were single when we met again, we would honor that pact. Its an alternative to finding a lasting love. It is a companionship, an agreement. Its like arranging your own marriage. It works for some people. Good luck with whatever you choose. Just remember that this kind of pact is not resolute, alot of things can happen, you may fall in love before you hit that certain age, or she might. I would like to marry the person I am with now. And if I do honor my pact, its because this current relationship didn't work out and because the future me would rather settle on a compromised partnership than risk giving her heart away again.

  • kor_girl@xanga

    Hahaha, I have TWO backup husbands in that sense.


    one of the guy and I have the same birthday: same date and year, and we get a long really well. We aren't best of friends, which is why it would be possible to consider him a candidate than a guy who I see as a 'brother' figure (ewww gross) and the pact is, if we're both single by the time we're 30, we'd get hitched. But considering, that's only 3 yrs away and we're both currently seeing someone, who knows?
    backup hubby potential and I have promised each other by the time we're 35. Depending on how desperate we are; this IS one of my best friends and we've been close ever since grade 10. :) It's creepy to think we're going to kiss one day, so if we ever overcome the squirmishes of that overwhelming action, maybe? But it's really for all jokes, isn't it? Even if we thought about our best friends that way and even if they agreed with it, I think it's breaking some sort of a cardinal rule or something. I can't be with someone if I'm not attracted, option 1 might be workable but not option 2 for me....hahaha

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