Monday, 13 July 2009

  • Can You Get Together Without Getting Attached?

    The other day, my best friend and I were talking. She got burned pretty bad by the guy that she was currently “seeing”. Long story short, she started to like him, and wanted to get to know him more, but she was also having sex with him. He confessed to her that he didn't want a girlfriend, he had just gotten out of a serious relationship, and all he really wanted was sex. In hearing this, I told her to just end it, he wasn't worth it. This was the 4th guy that had done this to her, and she didn't need the headaches again. She came back with “I will detach myself from him and make it all about the pleasure.”

    Now, being that I've been in this kind of situation before, my ex really only wanting the physical part rather than the emotional part, I kind of saw her point. But, it still begs the question, is it really possible? Most guys, (I say most, because not all of you are like this) just want the sex and would love to do without the relationship, but face it girls, we're emotional human beings. We want to be loved, adored, and cared about. We would also love to return those feelings. You sleep with a guy, you expect a phone call the next day or a couple days from then, and not as just a booty call. Even FWBs could get sticky after a while.

    So, is it possible to sleep with someone without all of the feelings getting in the way?

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Comments (45)

  • aurastar@xanga

    Yes.  I'd rather not explain myself, but, yes, it is possible.  Though, not if it's long term.  If it's a once or twice thing, yeah, you can just forget it.  Sometimes even if it's for a while, it is possible.  But, once you develop those feelings if you don't want it to become serious it's time to abandon ship.


    Not that I know.  Never been there.  But that's what I would think.  Don't take my word for it unless you get more opinions that agree with mine.
  • givemecoke@xanga

    I think you can.
    I've had sex just to have sex. No emotion involved.
    but to me it just feels differently than when you are emotionally connected to the one you are sleeping with. If you have a strong emotional connection it usually feels a lot better, but then again that is just me.
  • KassieintheSkywithDiamonds@xanga

    Yes, but not forever. As long as you make it all about being buddies and chummy and stuff, neither party should succumb to emotions.

    @givemecoke@xanga - I agree with you. Sex feels different when there's an emotional connection involved.
  • snapeful@xanga

    well... maybe if they were a really unattractive person like Cormac McLaggen. He's casted to be a REALLY good looking guy but having to put up with him while having sex (he'd be ranting on about how amazing he is at Quidditch) is just like "dude, stfu and let me have the sex." so yeah. if the person was a complete idiot. 
  • AznFier@xanga

    You can but most of the time you can't, sorry.
  • vashts6583@xanga

    It's one of those things where the guy, if he cared at all about her, should have said "If one of us starts feeling something for the other, we need to stop, because it'll just get worse."  Unfortunately, not many guys I know can think with more than one head at a time.  xD
  • Lilyofdavalley84@xanga

    sometimes i wonder what kinda girl does FWB type situations like this...
  • Camouflaged_by_night@xanga

    It depends on the people involved; their individual selves and their relationship.
  • BoStOnIaNMoMmY@xanga

    Yes u deff can have sex with out involving feelings, but as long as the female is serious about not being emotionally involved then it will work. but seeing that your friend already has feelings for the guy i dont see that happening so easily, she cant like someone one minute then the next wake up and not. so for her she would have to cut off all ties because now she is always going to want more then just sex. obviously she dont want to give up the sex so she is going to tell u that she will cut the emotional part out but just keep the sex going but its obvious that thats not going to happen. in the end she is going to be the one hurt not the guy. she keps doing this to herself. She is just going to have to learn the hard way.
  • KasumiCelesta@xanga

    It depends on the person; I definitely think it's possible, if both people acknowledge that a relationship wouldn't work and compatibility was mostly sexual.
  • MangoWOW@xanga

    Yes it is possible but for girls it's a little more difficult than guys. To be honest I'm not looking to date right now so I've had a lot of Fuck Buddy relationships. It's fine.
    Actually, I just finished ending a friends with benefits relationship last night. My friend called me and explained that he had become interested in another girl and wanted to stop fooling around which he pursued her. And that was fine. I told him okay, good look, and went on my way. lol.
    Make the lines clear. Have defined boundaries and then keep them. If either of you begin to get emotionally involved (whether it be towards each other or someone else) cut off the sex until you can sort everything out.
  • sizzl@xanga

    It's not possible, especially in her case, where she already has feelings for him. They will only get more potent, and it will only hurt her more.

  • sizzl@xanga

    @vashts6583@xanga - Ahaaaha
  • linguistic_nonsense@xanga

    I suppose it may be possible, but I honestly have a hard time seeing the possibility in all of this. Perhaps, I'm just relating this to me in feeling that way. However, personally, I could not just get funky with anyone. It would have to be someone I know and have feelings for in that regard, and not just that. I also would very much prefer to be married to them before getting funky, and that's not just for religious reasons.
  • thinfriendxxo@xanga

    not if your harbouring the hope that it will turn into something more than what it is. 

  • beautyinbeautyout@xanga

    Yes. Very possible and easy to do.  But as a few of you pointed out, it takes a certain kind of girl: In my case I'm in the middle of divorce, have NO interest in a real relationship, and totally get into the great (GREAT) uncomitted sex (Yes we kiss,too, with passion) with my sex buddy who I see about twice a week. We talk, he complements me, we know about each other's life, yet the only thing we "do" is sex and food. But I'm not going to want a real reltionship, um, maybe, forever. So this is just fine...and I would like it to be a long term thing (It's about four months now).
  • Southeast_Beauty@xanga

    I would never let someone I don't love even touch me intimately. It's possible for others, but not for me.
  • xourlastendeavorx@xanga

    Thats bullshit. I'd rather an amazing relationship. Why one night stands and so on? It just makes it quick and pointless. I'd prefer love.
  • y_tc@xanga

    could very well possible, especially for guys anyway. 
  • breeadork@xanga

    @Camouflaged_by_night@xanga - yeah I agree, it depends on the individual.
  • TequilaKisses@xanga

    Yes. Open relationship.
  • whatalmostwas@xanga

    I'm going to say no. Well... maybe. Well.... For ME, personally, it cannot work. I tried FWB once. It started off fine, I was doing well. But then we would talk more than we had before and shared other things... I fell hard. It has taken me TWO AND A HALF YEARS to finally get over him. It made it worse because he would play mind games, jerk me around, and tell me different things... But it's not something I would try again.


    I have a friend who can do that though. However, she's also slept with more than 20 men. So at this point, I don't think she gets attached as easily. I guess it's just a function of how you view sex. If it's less of a personal thing and more about a fun thing, than I think getting attached it much less likely for you. If it's more of a intimate thing with you only wanting a handful to experience that with you, than its more likely for you.
  • hardlyhandsomest@xanga

    Hmmm.... You can, but there will come a day when one of you becomes attached... Love grows through time, so perhaps it may begin loveless, but it'll grow.. Once it grows, the encounters will be much better, steamier, and more worthwhile...
  • Mitsuye@xanga

    I think it is possible for a person to have sex with another person without letting feelings get in the way. The problem usually occurs because both are not on the same page about it, such as the case with your friend. 
  • aiinos@xanga

    I guess you can.
    Personally though, I would never. I'd rather have sex with someone that I know will love me for the rest of my life, my husband.

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