My boyfriend and I went to his cousin's wedding this weekend, and over the course of the night his various family members kept telling him "you're next" and asking us when we might think about tying the knot. Now, don't get me wrong. I love him endlessly, and the idea of spending the rest of my life with him is less than frightening. I'm not afraid of committing to him and promising to love him 'til death do us part. However, despite my optimistic outlook and reassuring premonitions that we will stick together, I have to wonder: how far should we be planning ahead?
My roommate and I are exact opposites when it comes to our love lives and views of the future. I am very family oriented, and while I aim high and set personal goals for myself that I must accomplish, more than anything I want the happily ever after with a man I love and our beautiful children. She doesn't want to get married for several years, focusing primarily on her ambitious career. When I talk about the future for my SO and I, she cringes and says that I'm planning way too far in advance.
So my question is, how far should I be planning ahead? Is it okay to aim for these things, or should I mainly be focused on the present alone and what is happening now? What do you think?
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Comments (17)
If you think this guy is the one/the real deal... I think you're good with what you're doing right now. if you're ready for marriage in the next year or two, then I dont see why you should stop?
Whatever works for you (and him) works for you and him. Why should you change the way you feel about something just because of what others expect? Only your life and his are impacted at all, so only you and he should be involved in whatever expectations you have.
It depends on your personal relationship, and about your SO as well. It's all well and good having your dreams, goals, aspirations etc, but what about his?
This is something the two of you need to talk about and figure out. It's alright have broad outlines sketched out into the future - for example my fiancee and I are planning on starting a family in 4/5 years time, while we'll be getting married next year - but if you're into the nitty gritty - e.g. in October 2016 we'll be celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary with our two children who will be 1 and 2 and living in a four-bedroom house on a lakefront property - then it's probably going a little bit TOO far on the planning stage!
Ultimately, it'll come down to the two of you but I think some planning is healthy for a relationship as it shows that the relationship is going somewhere and is not just stagnating.
Precisely what cmdr_keen@xanga said. Its okay that you're more family-oriented in your goals (I am too) but is he? As long as your goals coincide, go ahead and plan a little. If not, that is something you two need to work out. Best of luck, let us know how it goes!
don't plan. just go with it?
Plan six days ahead.
No more, no less.
Always.
everyone's different, and since you are family oriented, then maybe you should plan ahead
When I get the wedding date and the rock on my finger, that's when I start planning. If not, I don't plan. I just go with the flow lifestyle.
I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 months now, and i'm only 16 and he's 19.
And i know this is going to sound childish, but we've talked about having kids, and getting married.
Not like, any time in the near future because we both know that we've got a lot to look forward to, like college and work and getting a stable life before we decide if any of that will actually happen, but we've pretty much planned our lives around each other.
x
when i was younger, i always planned ahead only to set me up for failure so i stopped planning ahead. then i met someone about 2 1/2 year ago and in january, i started to plan ahead with him and then it went down hill from there. so now, i'm just not planning ahead anymore, i'll let the forces of nature take its course from now on.
Well the day u start planning is when your boyfriend ask u to spend the rest of ur life with him then thats when u start making plans but until then just live it up and enjoy ur boyfriend. Your friend seems like she has issues with commitment.
You don't need to be married to be committed.
Everyone is different. As long as you and your SO are on the same page then thats all that matters.
If you guys are serious and have talked about being together for the long run, it's not that bad planning a bit ahead. But if you're planning 20 years from now and what city, state, job you'll be doing...that's a bit too far ahead hahaha.
why not plan ahead? i mean like everyone else said, let's not begin to figure out the color of our house, the dog, and 2.5 kids, but you are in a relationship with this guy, which should mean you want to be with him and you are considering him to be your husband. My roommate is very very similar to yours- I kinda of feel naive when I talk about my possible future with my boyfriend around her. Everyone has a different view on life so you just both have to respect that.
It depends on where you both are in life. If you both want to settle down around the same time, why not start planning a general idea of being together in the years to come. I've only been with my bf for a little over a year but we're in the middle of owning a place together, build equity, then get married (hopefully in three years). I'm not even thinking about kids right now. Just a general idea.
I like plans i think they are a good idea but plans are just that ideas and no plan is perfect or flawless i had a ten year plan first year went great but second year my birth control failed me and i ended up with my beautiful son with my then s/o which was 3 years early so i re arranged my plan i still have goals and i'm highly ambitious but goals just arent in the same order they where 3 years ago ...so i guess what i'm trying to say is planning ahead is a good thing just leaeve room for the upsets and the unexpected.,