For his birthday, my boyfriend wants a threesome. At certain times during the day, I’m fine with that idea, but almost every time he asks me for one, I say no. He was always joking about it before, but he says that this would be the best birthday present I could give him for his 21st. My original intention was to just get him some strippers and hang out with his friends in a hotel room or something. Strange, I know, but strippers I can accept that idea, but a threesome – just no. And I know it is something that he really wants, but I’m just not sure if I’m comfortable with the idea of him getting it on with another woman...
For those of you who have, what was it like the “morning after”? I’ve said yes once but only under the conditions that it would be me and him and another guy, but of course, he didn’t agree to that. Was it anything like you had expected? Would you even agree to one if it was only for the sake of your boyfriend?
Comments (110)
i agree w| everyone. i think that if you do this, it just means he doesnt want the sex to be between you& him. it can be very bad & then it might escalade into cheating. i also think that if you want mmf & he doesnt want it ; why should you give him ffm? its just wrong for you to cave in. if you dont want it - dont do it. either way, it will probably not end up good. as for me doing it? i never would. i want all the attention for myself & i will never let my boyfriend put his hands on another women, espically sexually. to me, a threesum is cheating.
omg, I could never in a million years do that.
If you're not okay with it, don't do it. If he respects your decision, then he's loyal. If not, I guess you should dump his ass.
I don't want nor would I give a threesome to my boyfriend for his birthday because I'm waiting until marriage. Plus, I'm pretty sure if he's my boyfriend, he would respect my choice. If not, he's out the door.
I don't like the ideas of threesomes (I wouldnt have one even after marriage. I believe sex should remain intimate and between two people -- me and my future husband.) Everything becomes awkward and the chances of your partner cheating on you are higher. Technically he cheated right in front of you, except you participated in it (so you cheated too) and its disguised as a 'threesome' But do whatever you want... if its really what you want/if you're comfortable.
yeah, seems like that he just wanted sex and doesn't really care about your feelings.
@KassieintheSkywithDiamonds@xanga - I wouldn't do either, I don't like the thought of having another guy with my girlfriend. Neither would she like the idea of another girl with me.
My girlfriend and I are pretty self-aware and adventurous and have been joking about having a threesome since the very beginning of dating (and have recently just started to seriously talk about actually having one sometime down the road). The big difference between us and what you've written here is that we both want one. We both find the same people attractive, we both have similar boundaries, we both know the people we're interested in personally, and we both openly communicate about the reasons for why we want one and why we're still apprehensive to seek one out right now. For those reasons, we think we could pull one off "successfully" (without any unhealthy jealousy, relationship problems, etc.)
In contrast to that, it seems to me that your boyfriend is being somewhat manipulative about this. His attitude appears to be: "I want one, it's my birthday, you should get one for me because it's my birthday and I want one; it's immature of you to say no because of reasons x, y, z..." (and putting pressure of you on top of that...which you may not see as pressure, but, expressing a strong desire for this, consistently, is pressure). Listen. If you're not comfortable with a threesome, tell him no. If he can't take No for an answer, maybe he's not the right guy for you. And putting consistent pressure on you to have a threesome with him and another girl, when you are clearly not as into it as he is, does count as "Not taking No for an answer." He should respect how you feel about sex. You two should be on the same page about sex. These things are important, they really are.
Reasons you shouldn't have a threesome with him: You're not into it. Since you're not into it, you shouldn't have one. The end.*
*If you were truly interested in a threesome, the words, "I’m just not sure if I’m comfortable with the idea of him getting it on with another woman" would never leave your lips. If you were truly interested in a threesome, your perspective would be something like, "I would find it really hot to see him do xyz to another person/male/female, or do xyz to another person/male/female and have him watch." If you go into it with that perspective, the morning after will be fine. But if you go into it with the perspective you have now, the morning after will be full of regret. Just my two cents.
You can't just do it because he wants it; that's a recipe for disaster. You need to both want it, or you shouldn't do it at all.
@xpialadocious@xanga - This was an excellent comment.
i wouldn't do it if i were you, the majority of the relationships end after a threesome from my experience. i've personally never had a threesome, contemplated with the idea but after a really close friend of mines in college went thru with it with her boyfriend and another girl, it ended their 5 year relationship. he started to want it more and with the other girl and then started to sneak behind her back to see the other girl. it's just not worth. it's just a fantasy that these boys have because they see it in porn all the time and want to get that feeling of having two girls but once a fantasy becomes a reality, people start to get hurt because some can't handle the ugly truth. i know it's a bit harsh, but if you're ready to end your relationship with your boyfriend then you can go ahead and have a threesome but if you can't let go of him yet, then don't do it. but then again, it's really your choice.
Can we trade? My lamefuck boyfriends never wanna fuck other girls with me :(
i think it would be better if you two, together found a couple, just as much in love as the two of you who'd be willing to do it in the same room, he'd be with you, the other guy would be with his girl, it'd just be a visual thing and no one would touch anyone they werent supposed to. me and my guy have talked about this, its just up to finding a couple who you're both friends with, cool with, know wouldnt do any stupid shit, and knowing that yes, in the morning it might be a little weird even without having touched another but you'll get over it .. and if anything it'll make you closer, i dont reccoment adding another girl into the mix, that'll cause jealousy on your part and make you feel like he cheated or it was a "get out free card" for him to cheat without having that label on it. ask him how he'd feel if it was you, him and another guy and im sure his opinion on it would change quickly, thats why i suggest the other couple thing, where its you and your man and them, nothing more.
If its not something your comfortable with. Or if you feel he's pushing for it too much. Then dont do it. It'll ruin the relationship if you let him push you into it, and you'll resent him later.
Go watch the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte has a threesome. Hilarious and informative.
Also, I think it's Carrie (or possibly Samantha...SHOCKER!) who says something like, "Don't you think it's a little weird that you're thinking of bringing in another person to bring the two of you closer?"
Threesome? No way in my book. Sex is a two person experience where your single concern is your partner's pleasure. You shouldn't feel pressured to bring in somebody else to do this. And the fact that you're having doubts about this when he asks you just means that you're going to regret it astronomically more after you do it. This is the most intimate of physical experience humans can have, there is no reason to bring in a third party. It's only going to complicate things, I can pretty much guarantee it.
Anyway, I think that Charlotte ends up getting shoved off the bed within the first minute or so of the threesome. I'd be afraid something like that would happen. Talk about a damaged ego. Yikes.
threesomes aren't really for me. im more of a one on one kind of girl. i wouldn't want a threesome with another chick, and i wouldn't want one with two guys. just me, and my boyfriend, and when im going solo, well, the fantasies in my head are what they are. some things are best left in fantasy land.
while it's fun to roleplay sometimes, and try new things as a couple, i believe that threesomes are going too far.
on the other hand, i have met couples who are swingers and they absolutely love it. in my honest opinion, it all depends on who you are, and what the relationship is like. if he's not willing to go with another male, then you shouldn't be willing to go with another female.
Honestly the fact that you posted this at all should tell you no, do not do this. There are some things that people post wanting others opinions on but no matter if someone else says this is okay or not okay doesn't matter.
Only you can decide if your comfortable with this, if you are willing to deal with the ramifications of going through with it. If you said you wanted to do it and THEN posted asking if people would mind sharing thoughts of what they went through that is different. And just to be clear there is a drastic difference to wanting to do something, and settling to do something by being fine with it.
I do give you props, regardless of some other peoples comments about the strippers. A lot of women, no matter age or relationship span cannot handle the thought of their man seeings strippers or porn really. That says that you are secure in your self worth in that department.
I would never do a threesome. I am way to selfish for that. If I'm sleeping with my boyfriend I want to be the ONLY one who sleeps with him.
it just sounds that he wants to cheat on you, with your knowledge (and acceptance). That is not cool.
If you aren't comfortable with it, then I would just say no.
Well, I can see everyone is bitterly opposed to this idea. I say go for it! Oh, and videotape it too just to make it that much more classy!
@ViciousGrin63@xanga - You just summed up my thoughts!
I wouldn't do one regardless.
yeah my bf said never ever ever a mmf which i thought was kind of stupid since he wants a ffm...my thinking is , he just wants to be with another girl, even tho he still wants to be with me...he just wants a crap load of sex and he wants me to ok it...i keep telling him no, even tho we had discussed rules before, because i just dont think i even want him putting his hands on a naked girl thats not me
you totally shouldn't because you're not comfortable with it. i can guarantee you 100% if you go ahead with this, it will cause you guys boatloads of trouble.
I won't share my guy with anyone. Ever. If he wants adventures with another woman, he can go have them but he can't have me anymore.
To me, a threesome violates what a committed relationship is all about. But each relationship is unique, defined by the individuals involved. So if he wants it and you're up for it, by all means, go ahead. In all fairness, though, he shouldn't ask you for a threesome with another girl, and not be willing to have one with you and another guy. Several people have already said it, and I concur, that's selfish. One should never expect more from others than others can expect from one.
I admit that I have participated in a threesome. However, at the time I was single and it was no strings attached. The other female was one of my best friends and the guy was someone I used to work with and partied with on a regular basis. There was completely no strings attached and no feelings of a relationship or anything beyond what it was, just three people fulfilling there sexual desires at the time.
Now, I'm in a commited relationship and we're faithful to each other. I've sat up wondering and thinking to myself would I be able to have a three some now, even if I trusted and knew the other girl, or guy? I came to the conclusion that I would not be able to mentally handle watching him have sex with another girl, knowing that I love him and that we're supposed to be together. It would be painful and I'm not sure I'd ever be able to get over it. That being said, I wouldn't be able to do a threesome with another man either. I can't bare the idea of another man touching me in a way that he does.
I personally feel that sex between two commited people is one of the best parts of a relationship, second to the feeling of being wanted and knowing you belong and being loved by this person. I don't think that it should be shared with another person, whether there are strings attached or not.
Then again this is only my person preferance and some people are more then willing to do that. Just look at swing parties. If you're comfortable and know that he's going to be faithful and the right rules are placed then go for it, if your not comfortable with it then its plain and simple don't do it. You can ask for advice and hear peoples stories but in the end its only you who can make the decision of whether you would like to proceed with it or not.
DON'T do it. it'll just ruin you guys.
seems like he just wants to have sex..
and why is he okay with having another
women but not another man? seems unfair..
if hes willing to have another women it only
seems fair for a guy as well. seems like he
has someone in mind he wants to do it with.....
@Liquid_Pain_523@xanga - she never said anything about only willing to do a MFFsome if a MMFsome is also done. I think what she means is that she would be more comfortable with a 3some with another guy and not another girl.
I don't think you should do it unless you are really comfortable doing a threesome
because it sounds like to me that he just wants a fantasy to come true.
It makes for a great fantasy, like most things do...but something that would be very emotionally taxing. I mean look at this:
You can't have a MFF with a girl you know and trust, because that would be awkward and make a lot of problems between you two as friends.
You can't have a MFF with a girl that HE know's and trusts because its likely that he would end up cheating on you with her, because he has that kind of "access" or should I say "ASSes". (corny, whatever)
You can't have a MFF with a random female because that poses a lot of health issues...and its illegal unless you live in Nevada.