For his birthday, my boyfriend wants a threesome. At certain times during the day, I’m fine with that idea, but almost every time he asks me for one, I say no. He was always joking about it before, but he says that this would be the best birthday present I could give him for his 21st. My original intention was to just get him some strippers and hang out with his friends in a hotel room or something. Strange, I know, but strippers I can accept that idea, but a threesome – just no. And I know it is something that he really wants, but I’m just not sure if I’m comfortable with the idea of him getting it on with another woman...
For those of you who have, what was it like the “morning after”? I’ve said yes once but only under the conditions that it would be me and him and another guy, but of course, he didn’t agree to that. Was it anything like you had expected? Would you even agree to one if it was only for the sake of your boyfriend?
Comments (110)
My ex boyfriend and I did this, and I really think it's what ended our relationship. It's something that is really fun, but it's also something that needs rules and boundaries. One of my rules was no kissing her. Sex can be 'just sex', but it takes feeling to really kiss someone. I don't recommend it for a loving, committed relationship, but you might get some other answers from other people who had a good experience with it. My ex ended up cheating on me with the girl because he wondered what it would be like to be with her alone. As far as the morning after, she never stayed with us, but the hours after were really painful for me emotionally. Once I realized what I had done. Somethings are better left fantasies.
I've had a tensome. The morning after we had some more. Howzat?
i would say no because it's not something i am comfortable with.
ESPECIALLY has he refused a MMF, I'd be wary of granting this request. Seems to me like he just wants the license to cheat on you with a MFF.
It's just not worth it. Even strippers are a step to far, in my book.
Whatever you decide, just remember that you'll have to cope with the consequences. It's never as clean and neat as popular culture makes out.
Again, I say it's not worth it. Something best kept as a fantasy.
@cmdr_keen@xanga - taken right out of my mouth :)
say no!
if hez not willin to go mmf for you then hezza selfish pig & you shud dump him if howevur you cant liv without him & you go thru with hiz wish i can gaurantee yer maykina big mistayke if you ask contestant numbur 3 to stay for brekfest
to me the guy looks like he just wants to have sex...well his taste is his taste i have no objection there but considering you are young, you should abstain from this plea of his.
i had a threesome with my best friend and her boyfriend. we were really drunk, and it just sort of happened. i'm pretty sure it caused a lot of problems between her and him, and it definitely caused problems with our friendship.
he should be OK with just YOU. a guy asked me that before and i said no, and that was it.
If you're not okay with it, don't do it.
I have never done it and I never will. But one of my friends been there. He was the one who kept pestering his wife about it. So she cave in one day and that was the end of their marriage. I did everything I could not to say to him: "I told you so..."
I wouldn't be able to do that with my girl becuz I don't want anybody BUT ME touching her.
Haha! Is this topic EVER going to stop showing up here?
There are two kinds of people who can successfully pull a threesome, on an emotional level (I've said this before): the VERY VERY shallow and the VERY VERY self-aware. The shallow folks can do it because they're too shallow to feel the emotional consequences. The complexities are literally, beyond them.
The self-aware people can pull it, because they have the awareness to know, feel out, and see the emotional complexities. A good measure of being emotionally self-aware is if you can feel jealousy but not let it run your reactions. Can you talk rationally about the jealousy you feel? If yes, congratulations, you're pretty highly emotionally developed. If you react and judge instantly, sort of "under your rational mind," you've got work to do.
Now, as soon as I read you say that your guy wants FFM but won't do MMF, I thought, "hey, there's a guy who either thinks MMF will make him gay (I'm not kidding, some do) or who's just good old jealous about someone else touching his partner."
Notice, that he's willing for YOU to feel that kind of jealousy, however. This should throw up a red flag. There, you do the rest of the thinking.
WTF... You're giving him a free pass to sleep with another women. Cause that's what it is, even if you both agree. I definitely agree with XDaemonessX@xanga. It something that can break your relationship. If you willing to risk your relationship, by all means go ahead, but don't cry or complain when things get worst.
No, you shouldn't do this. He's not being open-minded and fair, so why should you? You don't even want it, and he should respect that. Bringing someone else into the relationship is a recipe for disaster.
I would never do this, and if my boyfriend even seriously asked me, I'd think there was something wrong.
I could NEVER have a threesome. Not even with another guy. I am a very selfish and greedy person. I want all the attention. I do not want to have to compete when we're in the bedroom. I don't want to tag team or anything. I just want it to be us. Go ahead with strippers I'm fine with that, I'll even stay and watch if you'd like. But nothing is going to happen with three of us. I want you all to myself!
Are you saying you're willing to do an MFF threesome only if a MMF threesome also happens, or that only an MMF threesome is acceptable? If it's the latter, then both of you are being selfish, and you should either do both or neither. But all I'm saying is that if you're as willing to do an MMF threesome as he is to do an MFF one but you're unwilling to do an MMF one, you're as much in the wrong as him, except maybe that you don't ask about it as much.
I know I didn't say anything about the first possibility, but I think everyone else here covered that possibility well. If you're willing to do something you're not entirely comfortable with to get something that would help satisfy you and he's not willing to sacrifice like that, something's wrong.
everyone pretty much summed up how i feel.
say no.Sounds like an incredibly selfish dude. But you sound that way too. Also, I couldn't imagine a person who wouldn't feel like a whore after a threesome.
what's wrong with you? accepting ur bf hanging out with a stripper in the hotel? -.-
MMF and FFM threesomes are fine if you're just looking to have fun. i don't think they're great for serious relationships. and anyone who asks for an FFM better be willing to be part of a MMF. one is not more acceptable than the other.
my boyfriend and i, now going over a year, are pretty adventurous. he wants one. I have done them. although not with anyone i cared about.
i want to give it to him, i want to be the person who he gets to explore his sexual fantasies with, like right by his side as he discovers whats out there.
at the same time, i do feel greedy of him. i don't know how i would feel "sharing" in bed. like the idea of him having sex with someone else or me competing for attention in the bed room bothers me, however I also know how crazy we can be in bed and think we could have a really great time rolling around with a third party.
And for that matter, even a MMF, which he agreed with if we do both, bothers me a bit. Like being sexy for another guy in front of him just feels wrong and guilty on my part, even though he would not mind (which does not mean there is less love). In fact he would probably find it hot.
you really have to talk a lot together beforehand and be emotionally prepared. you have to be willing to share all your feelings and emotions and strong enough to know you can say stop in the middle of it if its get to be to much for you. and you have to know he will listen.
I've had one before (two of them, actually with the same guy, who I've been seeing and is now my daughter's father). It's all about comfort...are YOU comfortable, who is the girl? Who gets to pick her?
For both of ours...I picked the girl...they were MY friends who he had no connection outside of me with. I'm still friends with both of them, and I'm still with him. Granted, my life is a little bit more complex than this, but it's all about boundaries.
Does he know how far you'd like things to go without you having to explain them? Mine did. He made sure I got more attention from him and the other girl than he received or gave the other girl. That's what threesomes are usually about...it's not about him having sex with another girl, so boo to everyone who think that. It's really more about being two girls go at it and being part of it in a small way. Sure, we both paid attention to him and I KNOW he enjoyed that...but if he wanted it just to have sex with a girl other than me, he would have been having more one-on-one contact with the girl...
But REALLY...this is YOUR decision...and YOUR relationship...and it's about YOU being comfortable. YOU should pick the girl, and it should be someone he has no ties to outside of you...and you need to tell him...do you want him to pay more attention to you...can he kiss her...can he eat her out? These things are things you have to think about and then tell him. If you just expect him to know the limitations, you could end up getting hurt.
As a side note, I would like to add that sometimes just the thought of him being like that with another girl turns me on. Perhaps, I'm weird...
Threesomes are disgusting.
Your boyfriend is a perv.
I don't think you should. The way my friend puts it, is "I will never give a guy the satisfaction of having me and another girl in his bed. MMF ftw!" I say, if he's not willing to do it MMF, then why should you be willing to do FFM? It's only fair. Personally, I'd never do it. It would take me a long time to get comfortable with my body and myself before I have sex with whoever I go out with, and the fact that I do it with him should be enough.