I have been dating this boy, S, for close to 8 months. We have similar backgrounds, mentalities, feelings. Of course, we argue and cry (mostly me, really) and become frustrated with each other but in the end, we always resolve our problems. Except for one thing.
Pork.
I love pork. I grew up eating roast pork buns. I salivate for chicharrón, Korean fried rice, pork chops. The problem: S is Muslim. He drinks, smokes, does everything he’s not really supposed to do, except eat pork, and when I’m with him I’m not allowed to eat it. He says it’s like “second-hand eating pork” – indirectly eating it.
We have gotten into so many fights over this because I’m really not willing to give up pork for him. We have similar tastes in food, but it gets frustrating at the fact that I can’t eat my favorite dishes whenever he’s around. And whenever we talk about our future, one of the main obstacles is this particular meat. I’ve tried to offer compromises, but he’s steadfast against it, and for now, I’ve let it slide.
So, have you ever had to give up something for someone? Something that you were adamant about? If you didn’t, how were you able to find the middle ground?
Comments (68)
This should not even be an issue. You should be able to eat whatever you want, and he should be able to eat whatever he wants. I HATE fish or any kind of seafood, but my boyfriend LOVES it. We live together, and when he wants to eat fish, he does. I just cook myself something that I like. I will go to seafood restaurants with him and just get a salad or chicken or something. Really not a big deal I don't see why it should be. Not everyone eats the same foods.
@snowvampire@xanga - Jews do not reject god, they don't believe Jesus was the son of God, there's a difference. They agree that he was a prophet, nothing more, nothing less.
And Christians worship the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit. Not Gabriel, he's an archangel. But an angel nonetheless. The angels aren't worshipped, they are respected, but they are not prayed to.
Also, Christians are not Pagans. Pagans typically worship a divine Goddess and Mother Nature, often a male deity as well, but not always, as well as any other God or Goddess they choose. It's very personal, and much to the worshipper's choice. Also, Pagans do not worship idols.
So, congradulations you're stupid in three religions. :)
I'm Jewish and my husband is Chinese (not Jewish, eats a LOT of pork). I dont eat pork and keep a kosher kitchen (much easier with a lactose intolerant Chinese husband!). Its not even a big deal for us. He just doesnt eat pork at home, he eats it at his parents, or at restaurants, etc. I've never cared if he ate it in front of me, because we have enough mutual respect for each other not to make it an issue.
Tell him he`s giving you second-hand smoke, and if he doesn`t smoke in front of you, refuse to kiss him so that you don`t get second-hand smoke from his breath.
How silly, really. I have Indian friends that don`t bat an eye when the majority of us eat burgers and ribs and steak.
He should accept you for who you are just as you accept him for who he is. You`re not forcing him to eat pork; why should he force you not to eat pork?
But in the grand scheme of things, essentially... you ARE considering choosing a MEAT over your BOYFRIEND... ? I mean if I was dating a girl who detested fish and all fish foods and a core part of her religion was not to eat fish... if I knew this before I got serious I probably wouldn't go forward.
It seems really fucking silly from the outside looking in to choose a food over your mate or even hesitate... but now putting my own spin on the issue and putting myself in your shoes... I don't know what I'd do either ahahha.
I could give up Pork no problem being that I dont really eat alot of it unless its cookout season or Thanksgiving... I dont even eat bacon unless its sprinkled over a salad... and in most cases its that fake soy crumble stuff. But Fish, including shellfish. ....fuck.
Good luck with that. Its messed up... but choosing what makes you happy over what makes someone else happy is probably a healthy choice.
There is no middle ground for no sex before marriage. It's wait or lose me. my ex ended up losing me. too bad. I'm in a way better relationship now anyway! ^_^
well you shouldn't eat pork anyway, all the fat is going to catch up with you when you're like 30-something.
if he wants you to give up pork, which you shouldn't ,then tell him that his smoking drives you crazy and "it's like second- hand smoking" ,so he should quit....(that will work only if you yourself don't smoke) . if you smoke ,you can tell him to quit doing something that he really likes but drives you crazy.
GIVE HIM A TASTE OF HIS OWN SELFISHNESS see how he likes it!!
Seems like this guy isn't a real winner. You also posted something about a threesome... seems like he wants to have all the fun, and you not to.
I say drop him!
He can't seriously expect you to give up pork just because of his religion. He should respect your beliefs and your wants because you are not him.
Seriously? Why are you even dating this guy? I don't eat pork either because of my religion but I would not stand for that.
FYI: This guy is so just using you for sex. Muslim guys don't marry non-muslim chicks.
Also, he's a hypocrite since he does everything else. What a loser.
wow, he has no right to make you not eat pork if he smokes and drinks.
@ManoAngeliukai9902@xanga - She mentions the smoking and drinking to point out that he's not that religiously strict, not to say it really grosses her out, but if it does she should let him know. To get along with someone well it's not always enough to just be good at tolerating eachother, it also takes respect, meaning avoiding things that really tick the other person off. Meaning they should both agree to avoid things that tick eachother off equally. If it's out of balance, it's her job to set things straight, and end it if he's not willing to make sacrifices equal to hers. He's being pretty overdramatic indeed, but there's a legit reason behind it. I'd rather kiss someone who has heavy garlic and onion breath than mild pork breath. Also are you lithuanian?
@sahel578@xanga - i hope that this isn't too personal, but if you plan on having children (or already do have children), will they be of Jewish faith? And if they will be, will they be allowed to eat pork?
@Kneehola_elbowadios@xanga - what you said in the first sentence is essentially what i was trying to get across -- it doesn't gross me out. i guess it is slightly overdramatic, but the other main issue is that when we kiss after i've eaten pork, he'll have that "second-hand eating pork" sense. it clearly did not come across like that, haha.
@peccavi - Not too personal.
We have our first child on the way. Jewish lineage passes through the mother only... so our kids, without question, would be fully Jewish. And no, they will not be allowed to eat pork or non-kosher food.
My husband was well aware of this when our relationship became serious and he was/is very accepting of it. He's Buddhist, so maybe we are lucky that we have not found any conflict in our personal paths of faith.
@a_single_raindrop@xanga -
That's kinda confusing because she has to do the same for him.
If this is a serious problem for the two of them, they shouldn't date each other.
Anyway, their are many reason he has a problem with you eating pork. He may fear you might get eat over the years (Pork is pretty fatty). Look at both side of the box, true he's not 100% comitted to his religion but you never said you had a problem with it..
I understand where the both of you are coming from...but try to look outside of the box.
I have muslim friends and we would go to chinese restaurants together and you know pork and chinese foods are inseparable...so we meet sure to order dishes my muslim friends can eat too and that the pork dishes don't contaminate the other dishes and utensils and we get along just fine. not sure why your bf can't do that....?