I have been dating this boy, S, for close to 8 months. We have similar backgrounds, mentalities, feelings. Of course, we argue and cry (mostly me, really) and become frustrated with each other but in the end, we always resolve our problems. Except for one thing.
Pork.
I love pork. I grew up eating roast pork buns. I salivate for chicharrón, Korean fried rice, pork chops. The problem: S is Muslim. He drinks, smokes, does everything he’s not really supposed to do, except eat pork, and when I’m with him I’m not allowed to eat it. He says it’s like “second-hand eating pork” – indirectly eating it.
We have gotten into so many fights over this because I’m really not willing to give up pork for him. We have similar tastes in food, but it gets frustrating at the fact that I can’t eat my favorite dishes whenever he’s around. And whenever we talk about our future, one of the main obstacles is this particular meat. I’ve tried to offer compromises, but he’s steadfast against it, and for now, I’ve let it slide.
So, have you ever had to give up something for someone? Something that you were adamant about? If you didn’t, how were you able to find the middle ground?
Comments (68)
This guy is really stupid. If he does everything he's not supposed to according to his religion, then he really should let the pork thing slide. It's a complete double standard and he might as well walk around with 'ARSE' tattooed on his forehead. (:
Sneak pork in his food for being a retard.
pig is an unclean animal!
Go Crackling!
I really like pork....but I can't eat it, it gives me terrible migraines. =( I don't think pork should be the deciding factor in your relationship. But I also can't see why he can't get over you eating it in front of him. Maybe let it slide for a little longer, but in the long run just tell him, if you see a future with me we gotta come to an agreement, he's gotta give some too.
My honest opinion?
If you're not willing to give up pork, then I don't think you respect him or his beliefs enough to be his girlfriend.
If food is such a big issue, go find some other pork-lover and hang out with him. There are other fish in the sea for you, and for him.
I argued with an ex over the right to try pot. I was adamantly for it, and he was brutally against it.
But he was controlling, too. So I said "forget it, you're not worth this leash".
Point is, pork is good. But if you're "in love" you'll learn to deal with it, and if you're not "in love" then maybe pork was trying to teach you some crazy lesson..?
i thought muslims aren't supposed to touch alcohol...
Ha...when he quits smoking and drinking you may consider not eating pork in front of him! Until then I will have a BLT in your honor...
So...seeing as your boyfriend breaks all the other rules, and apparently also wants a threesome while being muslim, you should tell him that he should have to follow his own beliefs before you should be forced to. Simple.
Does he smoke when you are around? If he does than it's unfair to you, and can harm you. I honestly don't see why he's being a baby about it. If he know you love it, then you should be able to eat it. He doesn't have to eat it. Loving someone is to compromise, I don't see what's the big deal. Sound like a control freak to me.
LOL..agreed with the ppl who say to eat wat u want...it would be 1 thing if he didnt do any of those things and was a good muslim..but that fact that he dos ALL those things and has a girlfrend..pork?..really??...ok also another thing muslim men r not allowed to like force their non-muslim spouces into anything(i.e.leave eating pork ect.)coz he noes u have diff belifs & he noes that...i mean if he stops u from eating it in his house in his dishes and where there mite be other kids then u should stpop eating it there..but if its like u guys r out or watevr and u wanna eat it....and hes being all "oh it send hand eating pork"...just leave him...or wat about his 2nd havd smokeing he proli gives u with hos smokeing????
@honesty - but he basically breaks every other rule..(i.e.drinking,smokeing,haveing a gurl frend)..i mean im not saying every1 is perfect..but maybe he should try and leave those things b4 he starts to force/expect his NON-muslim gurl frend to leave wat she loves, weather its just food or not...but if he was a practicing muslim then maybe he would have a case...
No relationship can be stronger than a person's relationship with rost pork buns. <3. I want some now. CHAR SIU BAU!!! ^O^!!!
My boyfriend must have his CocaCola and his Central Dairy milk. I think it's silly since it's more expensive and I personally cannot taste enough of a difference between those brands and the offbrand, but to him it means the world. So we only buy Coke, and Central dairy. I haven't seen Pepsi or an off brand dark cola in the house since we started dating, though I sneak one in when we go out sometimes.
The other thing we faced, is before we started dating I was a smoker. I realize though that either both people need to smoke, or neither of you should, because otherwise you'll never kiss. He was never going to pick it up, and honestly I wouldn't encourage someone to, so I quit. Again, his health was more important than my habit.
What it comes down to is: which one of you cares more about it? Is it something absolutely crutial to his beliefs? Is it something you're not willing to ever live without? Is there a compromise? Or is one of you simply going to have to accomodate the other one? And if there is only an accomodation, and no compromise possible, is it worth it to one of you enough to make that choice, and just let the other person have their way?
It's just pork. Stop eating it or break up with him. If you marry him you'll never be able to eat it anyway.
wow thats something else. Why does he have a problem with you eating it in front of him, its not 'second-handing eating'. its not even touching his mouth. Its not like hes gonna burn in hell for being next to you eating pork. Its also kind of strange that he does not have a problem with smoking or drinking....
As a vegetarian I can see how he might not want to kiss you after you've eaten pork or smell like it. Offer to brush your teeth after and stick with less smelly versions, like ham instead of bacon.
This post makes me laugh. What the hell is second hand eating, anyways? :S So, what about the second hand smoking that you and other people probably put up with? Oh, that must be completely a-okay. Hypocrisy.
I don't eat pork and I don't find it very appealing either because it's very unhealthy for you. But, hey..if that's what you want to eat then who is he or anyone else for that matter to tell you otherwise?
If he disobeys everything else like smoking and drinking and if he does it around you, why cant you eat pork? Thats dumb reasoning. I understand that it's his religion, but if he breaks all the other rules... then really i dont get how he wont let you eat pork.
Well, if you won't give up pork, and he won't give up to be Muslim, then your future is very shaky. I understand you love each other very much but once your honeymoon phrase (from beginning of the relationship to a year or 2) is over, your relationship will fall apart.
its easy to say than to act, but time will prove everything
@harmonyminusmelody@xanga - I agree.
Don't allow someone to dictate your life like that. Tell him that he's not permitted to smoke and drink in front of you, ever.
Eating pork is not unhealthy for you, provided it's cooked properly.
Smoking and drinking unhealthy.
The guy is a jackass, I think your best bet is to continue eating your pork in front of him and let him go on his merry own way! He's not worth it.
@Kneehola_elbowadios@xanga - "...I can see how he might not want to kiss you after you've eaten pork or smell like it..."
Oh, but her kissing him after smoking and drinking is pleasurable?
@XxRainyxMondayxX@xanga - Agreed. He sounds super controlling to me, and kind of hypocritical.
Do you smoke or do bad things that you could recieve 'second hand' from him? Test him out, say to him something along the lines of;
'I will carry on not eating pork infront of you, if you don't smoke when you're with me'
See how it goes, if it goes well, then push it a bit - it he is willing to do something like that, maybe he is worth not eating pork around.
Either that, or keep reminding him that you try, but you don't want to give up something you love and need allowences.