Miss Rhino
A lazy Sunday spent floating in rafts in my pool with my friend Michelle led to conversation revolving around standards, attraction and dating. We had spent the night mingling with two of the most horrid couples we had seen in a long time. No, that's an exaggeration. The girls were fine. Their boyfriends on the other hand were simply tragic. To spare you the details I will just tell you that these couples were as mismatched as stripes and polka dots.
After talking about all the things that irked us about these two guys, we just couldn't pinpoint what it was that attracted these girls to them in the first place. This may seem shallow but first impressions do count for a lot, at least in my book, and they had not made a good impression on us, that's for sure. My only resolution was that these girls had spent time with them and grown to love them for who they are. It's what's inside that counts... blah blah blah.
Michelle couldn't get a handle on this concept. "If I'm not attracted to the person, I'm not going to date them." I couldn't really argue with that.
I stopped dwelling on the strangers we had met and thought about my own life. Unless there is an initial attraction, it's truly once in a blue moon that I'll give someone a chance. And not only that, but my standards are impossibly high. Not only do I have an ideal physical prototype for my mate, but there personality has to be to my liking as well. I'm looking for it all. And that's rare to find, especially when you aren't exploring all the options.
Every year I resolve to lower my standards a bit, to give everybody a chance. But I could never follow through. And that day in the pool I started to make the same resolution all over again, but I stopped myself. I don't want to settle. I have seen too many people fall into relationships because it's convenient and easy, but it never works out because their heart wasn't in it. So what's wrong with being a little picky when it comes to guys and dating?
So my standards may be high, and I may spend many nights home alone because of it, but I think I'm OK with that.
What are your thoughts? Can you date someone you're not attracted too? Have you ever found yourself settling? Or have you given an unlikely candidate a chance and found yourself changing your mind?
Comments (60)
As long as you know what you want/need/preference in a partner, that's your OWN standard which shouldn't be based on how high or how low.
However if you already think you have a high standard, then you should remember there's a fine line between having a high standard and being shallow.
@KissKisstime2die@xanga - Ah, but all those hours of marching... and standing... and marching... and standing... at attention... in the heat... in the sun... with people...
Well, I can at least hope that the new band director isn't as hot-headed as the previous one.
I agree with you. You shouldn't settle for someone you wouldn't get along with. It could make you miserable (as your observation of the terrible boyfriends show). If there's something there, it will happen.
@jeezshoua@xanga - i agree with you 100% you said what i wanted to say....
My standards aren't all that "high", persay, but I did give someone a chance that I normally wouldn't have and it turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life, but that was more because of the personality (and stalker qualities) of the guy, not the failure of my standards.
i agree that physical attraction is important..but i'm just curious, what happens if you befriend a guy, purely just as a friend, and get to know him...and start to really like his personality? what happens then lol...despite your un-initial attraction to him.
i heard theories that when you like someone, their appearance becomes less and less important..or you even start to like their appearance more.
i haven't found a guy like that yet. i have pretty high standards too lol. but i've heard stories =).
Well if their personality isn't perfect for me, even a little bit, it's goodbye. And their personality truly determines my attraction to them, looks only come after the personality. It'd be nice if they were hawt stuff, but I wouldn't cast them away if they aren't that good looking because it's rare for me to find a personality I like. I haven't liked someone in years -_- I don't get how girls everywhere can like people so easily and be like "Yo, get over that guy already, there's tons of guys!" But I don't think you should let go of someone easily if you don't like people easily like me o.O and so yeah...I don't plan on lowering my standards either. Did it before and the worst motherfucker came into my life.
Having standards is a good thing, but having extremely high standards leaves you lonely at night for an eternity. I used to have extremely high standards, but since then I've limited it to these few descriptions: a nice, tall guy (I'm 5'10" w/out shoes & feel uncomfortable w/ dating shorties) to whom I'm attracted to.
I don't care much about a guy's race or religion, but I refuse to date guys who are in committed relationships, extreme differences in age (over or under 10 year age difference), or has a traveling job (salesman, truck driver, military, etc.).
I've found a guy who exceeded my simple ideals and we're planning to go on another date after I'm done with my trip. It's better to keep the ideals to a few qualities you can't live without it. Otherwise, you may never find your ideal mate.
It's not "settling" to ignore physical appearance! All my life I've been told that "It's what's inside that counts." The only reason to make physical appearance your most important concideration is that you are trying to please your own self worth. Anyone, of either sex, who is looking for "arm candy" is vain and shallow.
As you get older and more mature, you will either learn this important life lesson, or be very lonely.
Having high standards is not a bad thing and wanting the best for yourself doesn't make you shallow. It shows that you respect yourself enough not to settle for less than what you really want. That's like wanting a job but not thinking you are good enough or qualified enough for it, so you don't even try to get it and instead settle for a lower position. I'm not saying you should rudely ignore every unattractive guy that ask for your number, but if you feel like you have absolutely no chenistry whatsoever with him, what is the point in trying to make something work?
And EVERYONE cares about looks whether they like to admit it or not, including the people calling you shallow for actually thinking you deserve being with someone who you're attracted to. So ignore them.