Miss Rhino
A lazy Sunday spent floating in rafts in my pool with my friend Michelle led to conversation revolving around standards, attraction and dating. We had spent the night mingling with two of the most horrid couples we had seen in a long time. No, that's an exaggeration. The girls were fine. Their boyfriends on the other hand were simply tragic. To spare you the details I will just tell you that these couples were as mismatched as stripes and polka dots.
After talking about all the things that irked us about these two guys, we just couldn't pinpoint what it was that attracted these girls to them in the first place. This may seem shallow but first impressions do count for a lot, at least in my book, and they had not made a good impression on us, that's for sure. My only resolution was that these girls had spent time with them and grown to love them for who they are. It's what's inside that counts... blah blah blah.
Michelle couldn't get a handle on this concept. "If I'm not attracted to the person, I'm not going to date them." I couldn't really argue with that.
I stopped dwelling on the strangers we had met and thought about my own life. Unless there is an initial attraction, it's truly once in a blue moon that I'll give someone a chance. And not only that, but my standards are impossibly high. Not only do I have an ideal physical prototype for my mate, but there personality has to be to my liking as well. I'm looking for it all. And that's rare to find, especially when you aren't exploring all the options.
Every year I resolve to lower my standards a bit, to give everybody a chance. But I could never follow through. And that day in the pool I started to make the same resolution all over again, but I stopped myself. I don't want to settle. I have seen too many people fall into relationships because it's convenient and easy, but it never works out because their heart wasn't in it. So what's wrong with being a little picky when it comes to guys and dating?
So my standards may be high, and I may spend many nights home alone because of it, but I think I'm OK with that.
What are your thoughts? Can you date someone you're not attracted too? Have you ever found yourself settling? Or have you given an unlikely candidate a chance and found yourself changing your mind?
Comments (60)
I'd have to say I agree with this. I know I'm not the BEST looking girl around, but I know what I want and I get it. My bf is super sexy and I'm glad I don't have lower standards :)
So...you have high standards because you want to be attracted to both your partner's body and personality?
Very high standards you have...
I've given people chances, only to find that the more I get to know them, the more attracted I am to them.
I have high standards as well, which is why I currently have my first boyfriend at almost 21 years old. But you know what? I like it too. The wait was worth ensuring that I have someone I care for very deeply, and being attracted to him in every way... and discovering his exceptional and now rare soft and caring personality. We share the same values and morals in relationships, family life, beliefs, and ways of living. We share many interests, we're attracted to each other, we care about each other, and we're falling harder every time we're together.
Don't lower your standards. You have them for a reason and it's more than worth the wait. Trust me. ♥
I love everyone.
If you only accept the best you will only get the best. That's something I found to be true. I have high standards. I'm willing to flex them around a little and be open minded, but if the guy is anything less than perfect for me I'm usually not going to accept it. And I haven't. And I ended up with a guy that everybody wants, but that's only for me. It's like we were created just to be together.
I remember when this one time I went outside my standards and gave someone a chance. Y'know, the benefit of the doubt. My friend hooked me up with him. Biggest mistake of my life. Perhaps I could have found his physical features attractive if I'd liked his personality, but I only grew to hate him. Not only did I like how he acted and the things he said and his personality and such, but I also grew to hate who I was whenever he was around. I became such a sadistic bitch, and that's just not me. I quickly ended it and remained single for quite some time. I seem to be the only girl at my school that doesn't have problems with their guy doing something they don't like or cheating on them, or them cheating on him.
If you have high standards and don't have a problem with waiting for your guy then more power to you. If you grow to like a guy over time and are just fine with that, more power to you, too. It's all about what makes you happy.
I gave an unlikely candidate a chance and I found myself changing my mind about him. Six years later and here we are. I have to say, first impressions aren't everything. Getting to know him and spending a little time with him to see how he really is is everything. You can definitely change your mind about him.
It's okay to have high standards when it comes to dating and wanting to be with a guy but I hope you also qualify to be with him and fit in his standards as well.
Keep your standards up. I'm sure you won't regret it, and you're worth it.
First impressions are almost always wrong. All the guys I've ever fallen for have been good friends of mine- after knowing them for a while I grew to love them and realized how awesome they really were. Don't lower your standards, but don't think that what you see at first is what you'll always get. They might surprise you.
I hope that you find someone who meets your standards. And then he tells you that you don't meet his.
I don't know if I'd consider my standards to be too high, or even high for that matter. I haven't been involved with many guys, but it's not because I don't want to be, it's not because they don't want to be, and it's not because they have to fit certain criteria. When I look back over all the guys I've dated and/or liked... sometimes, I honestly don't understand what I ever saw in them. And then I remember: they made me laugh. They took my teasing and busting, and they dished it right back. Give me a decent looking guy who can dish it back, and my heart turns to goo. I don't really nix anyone right away, but if there isn't that teasing type of attitude in them, and there's no spark, I just don't pursue it, or let them pursue it. *shrugs*
Exactly! People think I'm crazy for having high standards and being picky. I'm happy with them, though.
guys can have high standards too...
@Stuck_ina_Box@xanga - you hit this exactly right.
@IfIWereAchilles@xanga - LMAO! YES, this irony rules.
Now author, notice, how you've said essentially that the two guys you were looking at--the boyfriends in the couples--weren't ATTRACTIVE to you. Sure, you didn't come out and say that, but you said it.
Then notice how you said that you want the "whole package" and that your standards are (with a clearly legible note of holier-than-thou pride) very high.
You haven't said a THING about what you want besides, essentially, "hot" or "sexy" guys. This makes curious readers like me, suspect that really, ALL you want is a poster child for hot. You probably don't give a damn how smart he is (notice you never brought that up) or how emotionally secure (you never brought THAT up either). Hell you never even brought up income.
So congratulations on being pridefully shallow. Go you.
I'm not saying that having high standards is a bad thing. But I do think that you should always give a person a chance. If you decide not to date a person because they don't fit whatever mold it is that you want at the time, you'll probably end up alone. No one's perfect...even though you seem to think you are.
@xpialadocious@xanga - Couldn't have said it better myself!
I cant date anyone im not attracted to
i usually make the first move anyway so it doesnt matter haha
it doesnt really sound like you have too high of standards...you just don't want to settle with someone that you know you're not going to like or that doesnt meet what you're looking for in a guy. its pretty understandable i think.
now that i think about it, i guess i might have somewhat high standards when it comes to dating. the first serious relationship i had, i just settled, and after we broke up...i took a while to find someone really really good because i just met so many guys that i wasn't really attracted to, only somewhat, or didn't have this or that quality that i was looking for.
it is really hard to find someone out there that treats you right, cares about you, does all the right things, etc. but once you do, i think THAT is what it's worth waiting for.......
I'm afraid my standards are high, but I think it's worth it as long as your standards are realistic. I'm sure my ideal man will come along some day =]
I've got extremely high standards, but they're based more on personality and interests than anything else. I get to know guys as friends first, and I'll take it from there if I actually like them. If that makes sense.
i hope you end up old and lonely
I'm attracted to what I'm attracted too, and I can't help it.
ahaha, some of these comments are so funny.
one time I dated someone I wasn't instantly attracted to, and I ended up falling head over heels in love with him, because he is my soulmate :) and I never would have found this out if I hadn't taken the chance.
HOWEVER, I have dated 2 guys that I'm not attracted to, and it is not worth it.
I think having high std. is alright, I understand that you can hardly date someone if you aren't being attracted.
But you should know that guys can be the same too. You choose who you want to date, but people can also choose you. A perfect match is a low probability, but still everyone should have faith on what he/she thinks and keep it that way.
lower the standard means giving a chance on people who likes you, so that may work out even you don't think they suit you at the first place, because you may find that the things you want from a guy in your mind is not actually the things you want when you come to the actual dating. That's simply because you do not understand yourself enough.
Anyways, it is still fine you only date ones that are at the standard. People can say you are superficial and shallow when you need someone with good physical appearance, but I think if one cannot be attracted on their appearance, they won't have the motivation on getting to know someone at the first place.
I cannot be the one to take initiation on someone if I am not attracted by her, but if I can know someone by some chances, and talk with them, I may start to like them, that's why their are couples that both are not attracted by each other when the first meet.
"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." I'm not sure who said that but they're right, and I think it applies here. If you limit yourself to your ''high standards'' and don't move outside your comfort zone once in a while, you'll probably never get what you really want. I think thats probably why you haven't found what you're looking for. I guess its a good thing that you're ok with spending nights home alone.