Friday, 10 July 2009
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When Two Become One
I've noticed something about couples in long term relationships. They are always viewed as a pair, rather than as individuals. For example, when a friend asks what my weekend plans are, it is never simply "what are you doing this weekend?" No, people always ask me what my boyfriend and I are up to and if we're free. What is it that gives everyone the idea that my guy and I are one person, together every second of the day? Next, it's going to be "do you guys like coffee? what is your collective favorite movie? how did you two like the cake?"
Come on, people. I'm still my own person with my own interests, plans, and opinions. Being committed doesn't necessarily mean losing your individuality, right? Does this happen to anyone else?
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- From: missgorilla
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Comments (30)
Not really. My friends usually ask about me. And then I'll either bring up my boyfriend or they'll ask about him. But if my boyfriend and I are standing next to each other or something, then they'll do the whole "two become one" thing.
when ever any one does the whole two as one thing twords me and my gf they are normally asking to kill two birds with one stone
what's worse is when you meet new people as a couple.. their first impression is that two is one. =(
That's happened to me hahaha...we usually hang with the same circle of friends, so we usually are asked if we both are free collectively, but no, we haven't been asked "how do you two like the cake?" hahahahaha ;D
"We prefer our cake in our mouths, because our cake tastes better that way."
I've been asked about "us" when "we" are the subject of the question, but otherwise, it's usually just "me" or "her."
Best way to reply to that would be "Well, I like this, but my SO likes that," or something similar, just to show you aren't the same person. :Þ
Not really cause we're all in the same circle of friends so we all get sick of each other, hahaha.
But I've been in a relationship where they invited my ex ALL THE TIME and it got annoying.
I only ask about the couple collectively if one of the individuals is constantly talking about their significant other. Otherwise, I only ask about the one person that I am talking to. Ive noticed that after a while, it gets boring to talk about your boyfriend for my friends who are hearing about it so I tend not to do it.
Of course. You show up to an event solo and everyone is asking where your SO is. My response is generally..."I don't keep him on a tracking device. How should I know?" :D
@purplepanda27@xanga -
So true.
It doesn't happen to me, no.
well i partially agree with you...maybe some people think about it like i do...when your in a relationship...part of being in that relationship-if its serious enough- is discussing plans with each other...when they ask what you're doing this weekend and refrer to both of you...maybe they're just assuming that you discuss your plans with him?i know my husband doesnt make plans with his friends before discussing it with me first..and i give him the same respect...we're also married.and im expecting our 2nd child together...but we each also brought one kid from previous relationships...so there will be 4..
One of the perks of a long distance relationship . . . you get to remain very individual from one another! Haha! So, no, that doesn't happen to me in my relationship . . . unless my friends know that my boyfriend is going to be around one weekend, then they include him in any plans.
Well, you'll have to forgive your friends for respecting your relationship. You'd probably be equally upset if they only ever asked about you.
When I show up somewhere solo whether it's to visit my family, to the store, etc., someone will ask, "Where is M?" I mean, c'mon. He's not joined to me by the hips. I do have a life of my own and so does he even though we're together for six years now.
@itsaverb@xanga - So true.
I only ask someone about both them and their person they're dating if they act like they're joint at the hip even though they're not or if both people are present before me, though not all the time. If I'm only speaking to one, I'll just speak to the one. If I'm speaking to a group, I'll group couples or people that hang out a lot together.
People don't really do that to me very much because I make it a point to express that we're not always doing the same things together and such. It's also very easy for people because me and my lover are so opposite. Like night and day. So it's hard to see us as the same person when they can hardly even believe we're in a relationship at all.
Ahah this happens to me too... but I don't really care.
yup, i dont mind?
It used to happen to me in my last relationship, but only sometimes. When we were seen together was the most, and only sometimes when we are on our own. It never really bothered me though, only when he was away from me would they always wonder why he wasn't glued to me at the time. >.<
Isn't that an Atreyu song? Just throwing that out there.
I haven`t gotten this far, but when I did have a boyfriend, it was something I was afraid of happening. I was a afraid I would be referred to as "Bob`s girlfriend" by people that didn`t know me, but things ended before that could happen.
Constantly. Whenever a mutual friend wants to plan something, its always "are you and Jon" going to be free, as though we're a singular thing and on the same schedule lol. My family does it too; whenever I say I'm coming over, they assume it will actually be both of us, when in reality he only comes about half the time.
it's kinda cute...i think it's great u want to stand out as an individual but i know a lot of couples esp females that just lose themselves in their relationships so they seem like one.
Usually they ask what i'm up to and then they mention el boyfriend. but i think that goes for my friends for back at home, versus my friends here in college.
Apparently my friends here in college are planning some camping trip for 3 days and 2 nights, and that made me really angry and hurt because i wasn't invited, yet they invited my boyfriend and my ex boyfriend. wtf? It's our regular group of 10-13 people and yet somehow i was failed to be mentioned. My boyfriend doesn't think it's a big deal, but I took it as one. And I don't see how my friend can just not invite me but have my boyfriend mention it to me, versus him inviting his girlfriend, when he could just tell her about it. Like wtf?
And there's so many things I can go on and on about it, but I chose not to. So, yeah. Fucked up.
I can DEFINITELY agree! My boyfriend & I have been together for 2 1/2 years & when his friends need to contact him, they call my cell phone & ask for him! At first I was fine with it but there have been one too many times! He does have his own cell phone you know.
It's the fear of losing my individuality that keeps me (at least in part) from pursuing a committed relationship... I think you just addressed my fears quite succinctly. Yet I'd hope I could eventually find the balance between retaining my individual tastes and yet melding into one with another person... hmmm.