Fmylife.com contains short day-to-day life anecdotes. A simple recipe: in one sentence, each site visitor can tell the shitty moment which ruined his day. These short stories must begin with "Today" and end with "FML".
Here are our favorite five submissions from
F*** My Life this week:
Today, my girlfriend came over to talk. She just got back from a small vacation. She asked me to feed her dogs while she was gone, so I did. I even stayed with them at times so they wouldnt get lonely. My girlfriend had come over to break up with me. She didn't do so earlier because she needed her dogs fed. FMLToday, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FMLToday, I checked my voicemail. I was really surprised to hear an adorable message from my boyfriend, who was vacationing in Florida. I was even more surprised to hear him having sex with some other girl for the last seven minutes of the message. FMLToday, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FMLToday, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FMLhonestly, if I was told I had strong legs like a horse, I probably would smack whoever said it.
Comments (19)
fml is pretty funny but you should read texts from last night. they're a bit funnier but it might be too gross depending on the post. sure some may be fake but hey not everything on the internet is true and its funny.
yeah half of these look like they came from American Pie.
hahaha.
Today, I was woken up by a call from the 3rd highest person from my previous employment. She just wanted to make sure that the check for one of my employees was to be mailed to my house. I explained it, and she approved. MLIA (My Life Is Average).
:D
Oh man, I first heard of FML back in January, and I read through a good fourth of them in one sitting.
fml is great
LMFAO!!!!!!!!
first 2 were cool. Last 3 were stupid.
# 3 LOL omg
hahah(:
Wow, that last one is just...I don't even know...
That dog girl is going to turn into crazy spinster dog lady when she's older.
i'd take the horse legs thing as a compliment.
there's a new site called mylifeisaverage
it's pretty funny
2 and 5. LOL. Hahahahahhaha.
Lol at the first one.
hahaha horribly great stuff right there
FML is just too funny!
"Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML"
I really laughed hard at that one. C'mon now!
And if I was told I had strong legs like a horse, first I'd ask for clarification: Do you think they LOOK like horses legs, or are you seriously just complimenting their STRENGTH? I'm a dancer and love my strong legs and the muscles in them, and I've been told by former... guys... that they really like them because of that. But if I was told they looked like a horse's legs? I'd kick him... with my horse legs. :) haha
having "horse legs" in the context of strength is an amazing compliment. no fault of the guy at all.