Friday, 10 July 2009
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Moving On After Cheating
I cheated on my then-boyfriend with three guys while he was away for a few months. We'd only been officially together for three days before he had to leave, and everyone said that since our relationship began with him cheating on his girlfriend, he would do the same to me. I have no excuse for my actions. I made the biggest mistake ever and regret it more than you can ever know.Our relationship somehow got through this, because we really truly love each other. He's the BEST! That was almost a year ago, and now we are happily married. He has forgiven me.
For people who have gone through similar situations, and made similar mistakes, I have a question: How did you get over the recurring guilt that random things will dredge up in your heart?
I'll hear about cheating, watch a movie where it happens, and burst out crying! It hurts so much to think of the pain I put him through... Physically hurts. I know in some ways it will always hurt, but I want to know what you did, as an individual or as a couple, to move on and get through the mental baggage that cheating leaves behind.
Thanks so much.
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Comments (34)
You never forget, that is what you do.
I don't think you'll ever forget. But the fact that he forgave you was a huge step. I don't think you'll never stop being guilty though...but I've never cheated, so I'm useless. Sorry.
xo
You don't forget, you just have to forgive yourself. There is a lot worse things that can happen. I have cheated before, just simple making out. But I hid it for so long that it was a huge fight. My boyfriend wouldn't talk to me for a whole day [which for us is like an eternity]. But then he said "I could forgive you now, or I could be stupid and hold a grudge that I know I'll give up on in a few days" or something like that. He said it better than I can remember.
You just have to learn how to forgive yourself. If you think it is really bad get counseling. It helps with everything.
I don't think you ever completely get over the guilt. At the least you'll always remember that what you did was wrong, you just also have to remember that the past can't be changed, so all that's left is to look to the future.
I cheated on my boyfriend for a span of a couple of weeks. I dont know why I did it, and we had been together for a year. I realize it was the biggest mistake of my life. I regret it so very much, and when he found out, we fought for awhile over it. But he found it in his heart to forgive and try to move on. That was about five months ago, and to this day we still battle it a bit. I know he loves me and I know I love him, but it's still a problem every so often on my end.
It hurt him and you can't take that away, but what you can do is do your best to make sure he's happy and you're happy. Try to let it go and not be so hard on yourself. He's still with you for a reason, he loves you.
If you need anything, just let me know. =]
I previously cheated in a relationship and it's something that i will always regret. You HAVE TO come to terms with it, accept it for what it is, forgive yourself for it but DONT EVER FORGET IT. You also have to know your limitations. Why did you cheat? Did you become emotionally close to someone else? Was your s/o not giving you the appropriate emotional support? Were you curious? You have to address the problem and really target the reason WHY you cheated, so that you know how to remedy the problem if it ever does arise again. Be careful of the male relationships you cultivate in the workplace, school, etc. If you feel him distancing himself from you, LET HIM KNOW, dont let it get so out of hand that you seek comfort in the arms of a stranger. If you get curious about someone else, make sure you spice things up with your man so that remind yourself why you are WITH HIM, what sets him apart from any of the other men out there. Sometimes we tend to forget what we have at home because things get monotonous and boring......it's easy to look at something and desire it, we always want what we dont have, but dont fall into those tricks. Basically, you cant ever trust yourself again when you do something like that because breached your own trust, violated your own set of rules and conscience, trusting yourself when it comes to that will only make it easier for you to fool yourself again and give you a false sense of reality.
GOOD LUCK!
@xjadersx@xanga - yup, u need to forgive yourself.
learn something from your past mistakes. after this whenever you feel like cheating, stop yourself by remembering the guilt.
you won't forget. It will always haunt you...
just learn how to forgive yourself (easier said that done).
Taking care of ones relationship may save from its bankruptcy. Though men are really sometimes have the tendency to cheat, its pretty much good if every partners possess good characteristic.
Lolwut. Having three different "disco sticks" entering your "hole" can be forgiven while he was away?
Sounds funny.
Man that guy is an idiot. I wouldn't even recognize your existence after that. A few months? Everyone gets lonely, but I suppose we are our own actions. Anyway, I wouldn't say you're anywhere near out of the woods yet. Happily married and a year into it are two phrases together that make me scoff. Sounds like 75% of all military marriage situations to me...but military dudes were never ones to attract the class acts.. If you really want to get over it, realize theres no right or wrong in life. only cool and not cool.
Those things never crossed your mind when you were having sex with those three guys, eh?
You're horrible. The fact the he has cheated in the past and you've cheated... I don't think your marriage will last.
I do not really have a comment because I have never cheated before with a woman.
Personally, I would not have dealt with that. He must really care
about you to even be able to look past it and that alone should be
consolation for you. You didn't say the extent of your cheating with
these three guys, but really, when your numbers get so high (3 people
in a few months?) it really doesn't matter. There's no magic way to
take away your guilt. All you can do is make sure you are completely
open with him.
He cheated on his former girlfriend with you, you cheated on him three
times within the first month of your relationship...it sounds like you
two have a long road ahead of you and it will take a lot of work and
honesty to make it. I don't think it's impossible, but it will surely
be difficult.
@nolan_kun@xanga - There are plenty of military marriages that are made for the right reasons, and there are plenty of people in the military who wait until the right time to get married. But then again, I'm most likely not a "class act" so my thoughts on this are probably irrelevant.
@i_r_keiko@xanga - word, homie.
i've never cheated... so .. but i don't think its easy to forget, if you do, something is pretty wrong with this r/s
he should have dumped you.
I'm glad it hurts.
If you're relgious, PRAY. Pray, and pray.
You shouldn't forget it. You need to learn from your mistakes, not put them out of your mind. It's when we forget our mistakes and how they made us feel that we make them again.
Y'all have been together about a year, and you're married? I'm not even gonna touch that one...
Hopefully you can show that the old adage "once a cheater, always a cheater" is untrue. I personally don't think it's true, but everyone else seems to.
You dont forget.. My ex forgave me for cheating on him..but I couldnt deal with it because of how much pain I had caused.. I ended up breaking up with him because of the guilt and because I felt like he didnt trust me anymore..You made the mistake and now you have to deal with it.. Im sure as long as you dont repeat that mistake, in time youll be able to live with it.
I forgot, if they forgive, it's easier.
He's forgiven you, time to forgive youself!
I had this guy cheat on me 3 years ago. I broke up with him, we didn't talk for a year. When we did start talkin though, all the old feelings we ahd came back, and we really loved eachother. then, about a year and a half a ago, he moved away. Now, we still talk, to this day, and we still love eachother, and I could never hold anything against him for cheating. I completely forgive him, and the only thing that hurts me, is knowing he still feels so guilti for doing it. I wish he could forgive hisself.
i'll tell you when me and the person moved on from it. if we'll ever
I still dont forgive myself. He broke up with me and of course it was well with in his right, but that relationship broke me. And now im not over him and i cant date anyone for a real fucking long time. It sucks but i really want to. It is a really long self-hating road.
Damn i wish there was a time machine