All right, so, one of my friends (one of my roommates) got engaged last November and asked me to be a groomsman for him. Since that point, our relationship has sort of grown apart, and when I got engaged in March, I thought it only proper that I also ask him to be my groomsman. However, he is getting married in a little over a month, and he still hadn't talked to me about needing a tux, etc., and so I started hoping that since we weren't really close anymore, he would change his mind about me being a groomsman, so that I wouldn't have to worry about keeping him as mine.
I'm not a big fan of his fiancée. She's kind of bossy, and she doesn't let him be himself. Last night, she was over at our apartment, and he was in the bathroom or something, and she said, "Hey, I sent an invitation to your fiancée's house for our wedding...I just want you to know that you're invited too!"
I thought for a moment, and then said, "yeah, aren't I still a groomsman?" and she looked at me with a face that screamed oh hell no you aren't and then said "uhh... did he ask you to be one?" and I said "yeah, he did, right before he proposed to you". To this she replied, "You better talk to him"
So I think to myself all right, he changed his mind...when was he going to tell me? I guess it doesn't matter it means I'm off the hook for him being my groomsman....
I approached him a few minutes later and said "hey man, am I not your groomsman anymore?"
He looked at me with a blank face and said "uhh...no..." and I said "All right, I guess that's cool. I just wish you would have told me sooner" and he said, "I never asked you to be my groomsman."
At this point, I was very confused and a little hurt, and so I replied, "yes you did, before you proposed you asked me, and our two other friends to be groomsmen."
He said, "oh, I don't remember that...are you sure??"
"Yes."
"Well, I'm sorry man, it was a tough choice and I don't remember asking you." to which I responded, trying to hide the fact that I'm hurt, "no big deal man, it's fine" and I walked away.
My question is, is it okay to be upset about this? I mean, I got what I wanted, didn't I? But at the same time, since he didn't uninvite me, just conveniently forgot that he asked me to be a groomsman, is it all right to remove him from my wedding party?
All right, so, one of my friends (one of my roommates) got engaged last November and asked me to be a groomsman for him. Since that point, our relationship has sort of grown apart, and when I got engaged in March, I thought it only proper that I also ask him to be my groomsman. However, he is getting married in a little over a month, and he still hadn't talked to me about needing a tux, etc., and so I started hoping that since we weren't really close anymore, he would change his mind about me being a groomsman, so that I wouldn't have to worry about keeping him as mine.
Comments (42)
If you've got someone you'd rather have take his spot then do it. Its your wedding so why would you have someone in it that you don't really want? You can still invite him.
Yes, absolutely. Standing aside if it's right or wrong, do you really want a "friend" who would treat you like that to stand beside you on the most important day of your life? He's not a friend. He knew he asked you. He's bending to HER wishes. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in his wedding, either.
I'd explain that to him, and make sure he knows that is why you don't want him there. Otherwise it will just be petty.
uh wow some friend ... wow. i mean, i would be kinda hurt too, even if i didnt want them to be in my wedding party. uhm and yeh i'd prob not ask after that ...
At the end of the day, it's YOUR wedding, so it needs to be what YOU want. That's the only thing that really matters.
So, it's whatever you want. The fact that you're no longer his groomsmen gives you a perfect out.
Congratulations, by the way :)
I would take him out of the wedding & yes you have a right to be upset. Something like this happened to me last year.
My friend called me & told me she was getting married & I was her Maid of Honor (I've known her since we were 11) & her sister in law was Matron of Honor. I didnt know until I SAT IN THE PEW OF THE CHURCH that I wasnt MOH, her sister in law was. I took 10 days off of work to come back home in a dress that made me look like a celery stick, I was pissed. I was ready to rip out her clip on hair, especially since I had surgery the year she got engaged & when I got the job, I had to use my first paycheck to get the dress so it would be ready in time. She was such a bratty & malicious kid I thought she pulled another thing on me. My mom came with me & took off work to come too so she was less than thrilled but she & my grandmother had to keep me in check.
When I did finally ask her, my friend blew it off as a writing error. Hello, ever hear of DOUBLE CHECKING?!
Think of it this way, you're saving yourself time & a headache since you dont like the fiancee & it was really careless of your friend to act that way. I think you got the better end of the deal.
If someone asked me to be their bridesmaid for their wedding and if mines roll around, if I'm not that close with her or was never to begin with, I wouldn't ask her to be one of my bridesmaid just because she asked me. Same applies to you (even if you were still a groomsman for him).
Yes, you do have the right to be upset but I wouldn't uninvite him to your wedding. You can invite him (to be a part of your guest list). He just won't be part of it (the ceremony and all).
If you didn't WANT to be his groomsman, then what are you whining about? Like you said, you got what you wanted. Maybe he really did forget. Or maybe his fiancee hates you as much as you hate her, and MAYBE he was trying to protect your feelings by not saying, "You're an ass to her, and she doesn't want you there."
That's kind of strange that he would forget that he already asked you to be his groomsman. That's a big deal! I say don't worry about it though; you did get what you wanted.
Wow what a dick. He could have politely apologized for the confusion but still encouraged you to be there for him at his wedding in some other capacity. I would totally remove him from your wedding party. You really don't need him messing up your wedding plans with his crummy attitude and nonchalant behavior.
I think both of you are kind of jerks.
@naija_kitty@xanga - Exactly!
it's your wedding, you don't have to invite him or ask him to be part of the wedding, if you don't want to.
eh, i think you just got offended that he didn't even remember that he invited you, instead of being like, "oh i asked so and so to be there instead of you".
xo
He sounds like a jerk. Remove him. :|
I would be completely upset. It's not like you made that stuff up in your head. If things are shaky between you two, then he could at least respect you enough to tell the truth and not make up some lie. I think asking someone you don't feel close with to be your groomsman just as a way to patch up your friendship is wrong too....
I think he's made is obvious that you two arent as close as you thought. I'd drop him from the wedding party but still let him know he's invited to the wedding. You dont want to look back at your pictures later and have a regretful feeling. These are happy memories, not regretful or sad ones. If he wants to know why, make it clear that you feel that you two have grown apart and you would rather your wedding party be restricted to your close friends and family.
Its your wedding and your choice. No one can make it for you.
Wow, what a friend. You can do whatever you want because it's your wedding. Seems like he did for his.
Your friend is a dick.
If he did ask you then, he should of stuck to it. It shows what kind of friend he is..I mean, if he told you before and you were sure, then you are. Of course you every right to be upset at this. I would be and I'd boycott his wedding and don't invite him to mine. It's just that simple. this kind of shows what kind of person he is when he's being bent, if you can't count him, why count him as a friend? I mean you should of been the groomsman..anyhow, that's my opinion anyhow. I could be wrong..but i sincerely doubt it.
Yeah totally if you don't want him as a groomsman then tell him in the same way. Lol. I would be upset because that was rude, he could have found a better way to tell you, without the lying. Why would you have someone your obviously not that close with be a part of your wedding party? To me the party is saved for family and really close friends.
why are you friends with these people, lol? you barely talk to him and she's a little witch. obviously they haven't even given you half the thought and consideration you've given them. let them go.
His fiancee (and him) remind me of a saying "With friends like this, who needs enemies???" I told my best friend that at my wedding, I think she should be maid of honor. She responded "Times might change honey. I would be SO honored, but if our paths grow apart till then, you do NOT need to ask me, okay?? So don't feel bad when it actually rolls around if you feel like you should choose another girl."
Sounds like a jerk. If someone made me a bridesmaid, and I wasnt real all that close to her I wouldnt even make her a bridesmaid.
Nah, don't ask him. If you already have, then you can't really back out, but otherwise, he doesn't need to be in your wedding party if you don't want him in it.
wow, I would so rather he be honest about it and say, "My fiancee doesn't want you to be my groomsman"
if i were you, i wouldn't even attend his wedding after all.