Miss Walrus
When it comes to men, I've dated from both sides of the "sexually active" spectrum - from innocent virgins to womanizers.
So, the other day I was talking to my best friend about my first little sexual excursion with my new boyfriend who is, with all kindness, a pretty inexperienced guy. He's not a virgin - but he definitely does fall closer to their end of the spectrum. Actually, that might be an overstatement - he's mostly just inexperienced compared to me. And most of the guys I've dated.
But that part isn't really the problem. Even if you're inexperienced, I think you can learn to work it.
However, when you're dating a girl who already CAN work it - things can get a little awkward. Bestie is in the same boat as me right now and dating a guy who worships her every move but can't seem to satisfy her in bed. And we both agree, it sucks.
Sometimes, when I'm with my new guy, I can't help but compare him to the ghosts of boyfriends (& one night stands) past.
It seems like most - if not all - of my amazing sexual memories are with guys who have a little more experience under their belts (Ha. Ha.). Although I know that virgins & inexperienced guys can eventually become experienced guys, I just don't know if I will ever have enough time, patience or cash to buy a vibrator to hold myself over until he can actually satisfy me.
Experienced guys - no matter what number notch I will be on their bedpost - have a proverbial leg-up when it comes to satisfying women; especially one whose one bedpost is a little um, cluttered.
So the bestie & I posed each other the same question: Are we destined to be with guys who have been with a lot of women? Are we perpetually going to be attracted to womanizers because they are the only ones who can keep up with us in bed?
Comments (69)
@ViciousGrin63@xanga - good sex is not at all "shallow". it is simply a part of a relationship: some people value it more than others, however the word "shallow" implies that one cares about physical appearances. ugly people can have good sex too.
you sound disgusting. sex isn't the only thing in a relationship you slut! you derserve to have someone who is just as disgusting as you.
<3
Sure sounds like it.
@gypsybird@xanga - That's not the only thing "shallow" can imply.
You're shallow if you're with someone because they're rich.
You're shallow if you're with someone because they're famous/well-known/popular.
You're shallow if the only reason you're with someone is because the sex is great.
You're shallow if you consider dumping someone because their not great at sex.
If sex is the only thing that's important to you, be a porn star, or a whore. You deserve it.
yeah sure.
@mynameisblueskye@xanga - She's not subscribed to Datingish, lol.
I find that funny
YOU ARE DESTINED TO DATE A SL*T YURP
I guess that phrase rings true "birds of a feather flock together." TreateD!
thats sounds a bit shallow, but on the other hand, i know where you're coming from.
my boyfriends' exgf would just lie there. and she didn't believe in oral sex, either...this posed a problem.
i was more experienced than my boyfriend, however, i showed him what i liked, and at first, he didn't last very long, but nowadays, i have a hard time keeping up with him!! lol.
still, if you don't have the patience to teach someone something, you don't deserve them. i mean, he could turn out to be the most wonderful boyfriend you've ever had...
Theophilus166@xanga << mhm!
ugh i feel you on this one. and don't listen to these self-righteous morons. being sexually fullfilled in a relationship is important. and having a healthy sex life in a relationship is important. i hate how everyone makes these stupid "you're shallow!" comments on xanga but they would feel the same way.
i find it really interesting that everyone is ASSUMING that she doesn't want to date a man who's experienced. they say she's a hypocrite. how? why? explain to me how she's a hypocrite?
i don't see her complaining at all about men who have lots of experience in bed. she's not saying that it's bad for men to have experience and then go do it herself. she's simply saying that she goes better, sexually, with someone who MATCHES her sexually.
THIS IS OK!
now, it doesn't mean that they have to have the same experience. i know many happy couples where one partner has MUCH more experience than the other and they still MATCH each other's sexual drive. they keep up with each other and they please each other.
i don't think you're being mean at all by wanting to be fulfilled in your relationship.
no one would be jumping down your back if you were more emotional than him, yet they get all up tight about you being more sexual.
my advice? give him a chance. teach him what you like. TALK to him. when he's doing something you like, TELL HIM. trust me, he WANTS to make you feel good. just as YOU want to make HIM feel good. so let him KNOW what feels good. talk to each other about what you like and don't like in bed.
Maybe you don't really like the guy at all...
If you really like him for who he is then the whole "inexperience" thing shouldn't even come close to bothering you.
It seems like you're ready for fun... behind doors & not ready for a relationship.
I think only if you are looking for the sexual component in a relationship will that be true. But when you start looking for something else, something deeper, something meaningful then sexual experience will be irrelevant.
Sex with a new person is always awkward, but the longer you're with the person the better you will understand each other and what works for that person. Just because he's generally inexperienced now, doesn't mean he will always be as far as you are concerned.
I think, and I'm no expert, but I think that as long as you focus on the rest of the relationship the sex will work itself out. But definitely, like The_Aftershock_3650 said, talk to him about it. Cheesy, yes, but communication is key, they tell me.
I know a lot of guys learn moves from watching porn. LOL
sorry for all the hash comments you got, thats not fun. i think you should certainly try and be a good teacher for this guy. no doubt he really wants to learn (and who better to teach him then yourself!?)...and a vibrator (or several!) is always a good investment!!!!!
@The_Aftershock_3650@xanga - agreed
@Theophilus166@xanga - She never said she slept around, just that she has more experience than her current bf.
*shaking my head*
wow. you're effing stupid. and you sound quite cocky. did you ever stop & think that maybe you're not as great as you think that you are? sometimes you have to work at sex. if you're gonna kick him to the curb already just because he isn't what you want in the bedroom then i think that you need to re-evaluate yourself + your situation. you could always tell / show him what you want and vise versa.