Miss Walrus
When it comes to men, I've dated from both sides of the "sexually active" spectrum - from innocent virgins to womanizers.
So, the other day I was talking to my best friend about my first little sexual excursion with my new boyfriend who is, with all kindness, a pretty inexperienced guy. He's not a virgin - but he definitely does fall closer to their end of the spectrum. Actually, that might be an overstatement - he's mostly just inexperienced compared to me. And most of the guys I've dated.
But that part isn't really the problem. Even if you're inexperienced, I think you can learn to work it.
However, when you're dating a girl who already CAN work it - things can get a little awkward. Bestie is in the same boat as me right now and dating a guy who worships her every move but can't seem to satisfy her in bed. And we both agree, it sucks.
Sometimes, when I'm with my new guy, I can't help but compare him to the ghosts of boyfriends (& one night stands) past.
It seems like most - if not all - of my amazing sexual memories are with guys who have a little more experience under their belts (Ha. Ha.). Although I know that virgins & inexperienced guys can eventually become experienced guys, I just don't know if I will ever have enough time, patience or cash to buy a vibrator to hold myself over until he can actually satisfy me.
Experienced guys - no matter what number notch I will be on their bedpost - have a proverbial leg-up when it comes to satisfying women; especially one whose one bedpost is a little um, cluttered.
So the bestie & I posed each other the same question: Are we destined to be with guys who have been with a lot of women? Are we perpetually going to be attracted to womanizers because they are the only ones who can keep up with us in bed?
Comments (69)
@Covergirl_For_Sanity_Fair@xanga - definitely agreed.
@The_Aftershock_3650@xanga - @kawcha@xanga - I completely agree. :)
I agree with above...So he doesn't know what to do. That gives you the power to show him what you want him to do. Tell him, show him, give him a hands-on demonstration...the possibilities are endless. As long as he's willing, and you don't go so fast you overwhelm him, doesn't mean you're destined to end up with a man-whore.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - agreed to the max... :T
kama sutra.
read it together.
a little education can't hurt.
It's the same way with guys. Nobody wants a dead fish in bed.
Just teach him. It's not that hard and if you really cared about him this wouldn't matter.
Experience in bed should have little to do with how good a person is. My boyfriend was my first time and he says that I'm WAY better than most girls, and I know why, too. It's because for two years before I lost my virginity I STUDIED sex like a SCIENCE. I learned about all of the possible different quirks and turn ons both I and my possible partner(s) could have. I watched porn, but not because it turned me on, rather because it was educational for me. Another thing that helps is that before you go into duets you start by practicing your solo act. Sexy magazines like Cosmo and stuff do help give tips and stuff which can help both girls and guys, especially if it's before they start developing sexual habbits that will make them less desirable in bed. Also, if you are with a less experienced person you're sometimes going to have to put up with sex that is not as much for pleasure as it is for learning and experimenting. When you switch positions tell them why that position works and what the pros are to doing that one. Obviously there are some things you can only learn in bed, like hip movements and such, unless you have a pretty fancy toy to practice with. But a lot of the stuff that makes you good in bed are things you can learn before you even go near someone in an undressed state.
seems to me all you care about is the physical part of sex and not the emotional at all...
like ok yes you're suppose to have a good time with your partner while having sex and it should feel good blah blah blah...but...that shouldnt be ALL it is for you. if you really cared and if you really liked your bf youd have the patience to stick it out, teach him since your "so good" and enjoy just the intimacy and beauty of sex with your partner.
i guess yeah you're destined to be with a slut cause seems like you are one. and youll be the one to get burned because most likely this 'slut' youll end up being with will just want you for the sex and then dump you when hes done with using you and go to the next better thing who can satisfy him in a different way.
i feel sorry for you.
I just need to say that those posters were the reason I started watching Gossip Girl. Does that make me pathetic? Because I'm pretty sure it does.
if you're looking for someone to satisfy you in bed for life, then yes.
but is that all you're looking for in that "long-term" relationship? finding the right guy goes beyond the physical realm.
i'm the same way, i get bored with inexperience guys too, i don't mind showing them but i rather just be with someone who knows where and what to do. i guess i'm destined to date a man whore too.
@The_Aftershock_3650@xanga - I'm always waiting for Serena to step in on Datingish posts.
i am in the same situation as you. i don't agree with these people saying you are a slut, although you should probably stop calling experienced people sluts if you claim to be experienced yourself. pot and the kettle, yes?
anyway, i am more sexually experienced than my boyfriend. i don't call anyone a slut, because i think sex is a very important part of a relationship, and if you are ultimately going to marry the person, don't you want to know you are sexually compatible? i do. my boyfriend needed training to get him to satisfy me the way i needed to be sexually. he still doesn't have it down 100%, but that makes the times when he DOES have it down feel awesome! plus, we both learned more about what we're looking for in bed, too.
it was tough to talk about at first, but i learned a lot, and even just satisfying him can be enough to make our romp well worth it. (i still keep a vibrator nearby anyway, because, come on, girls have needs, right?)
good luck!
It's not a matter of number of women, but number of sexual encounters. Guys who have spent a lot of time with one girl are also usually better in bed. So, he may have a low "number" but a lot of experience, anyway.
And, as a lot of posters mentioned, it could be worth your time to "train" him. I have a friend who prefers to break her men in, actually.
@ViciousGrin63@xanga - Exactly. Thank you. LOL
-Kunoichi
say a prayer before you have sex and hope that you aren't at risk for a dormant, supernatural, supersized, big, baddy sexually transmitted disease. 8D that should help your manwhore problem.
it's hard to have patience with someone with less experience and you're right, it's definitely less appealing than a guy who knows all the smooth moves and just how to get you going. but if you really want to make things work with the guy in question, just keep an open mind (yeah i know, easier said than done...) and work on it. there's more to a relationship than the sex, and think about how much you'd be losing if you ended things because he couldn't please you in bed. don't get me wrong, it's definitely important... but there's more to consider. best of luck!
@Duhiana@xanga - mmhmm
are you destined to date a slut?? lol nah i dun think so.
Uhhhh...what they said, doll. You need to be a little more patient. And yes, I think you should get a vibrator until he learns.
LoL, or you could train 'em up right
making sure they learn how to please you your way...instead of doing it how they think their old girlfriends liked it 
Haha, I got lucky (no pun intended). My SO has had the least experience in comparison to boyfs past (only one before me), but he's hands down the BEST, even from the start.
But @LonerB@xanga has a good point; i didn't have to teach an old dog new tricks. We experiment, and we tell one another what works and what doesn't... and he learns fast.
I was wondering the same thing myself. When my ex-bf started taking anxiety pills, which dropped his libido vehemently. I started to avoid him, rather just not to get too close. We were able to work it out eventually, but it took a LOT of times and devotion, also, to get myself off thinking I was a slut. I hope it'll work out for you.
agree with John.